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He had brown hair and the most passionate eyes 

Is this Axel? 
I’m sure it is! 

I laughed although I was still in shock 

It was like a twisted merry go round 

Blurry and confusing and nauseating  

I smiled at him, he smiled at me 

As everything I had consumed that day 

Volcanoed out of me and slide down his sides 

I gasped and my eyes went white 

Everyone was so happy to see me 

That they saw it as a victory 

When the man left 

Shamefully to wash up. 

I walked about, nodding and trying 

To converse with the crowd of people that were 

Body slamming and downing buckets of gin. 

The noise was loud and annoying 

But I couldn’t bring myself to quiet it 

With all the lights, my vison flashed light and dark 

I became delusional with all the buzzing people 

Drinking shot after shot of vodka and wine 

Showing skin and drinking more 

And body slamming and drinking more 

And playing games and drinking more 

And becoming more numb and drinking more 

And... I looked back 

Looked back at a time where life was vivid 

When it was clear and made sense 

And I could memorize every detail 

I loved it 

I feel blind; I feel like someone’s taken something away from me 

I’m not getting the full picture of life any longer 

Everything is numb 

The only thing I can feel is my insides rolling and twisting 

My vison goes in and out of focus 

My whole-body rolls and twists 

I stop in the midst of a tearful slurp of wine 

And run to the bathroom 

The rolling and turning continues 

As my insides pour out 

Like a vacuum, the numb, cold feeling  

That had plagued me for the entire day had vanished 

 

I jumped with joy, and ran out of the  

Bathroom with tears in my eyes 

Everyone in my flat was hugged and kissed that night 

For once within the years of sadness I had dealt with 

I had a glimpse of the gift of real life 

I enjoyed the remainder of my night 

With vivid colors, and beautiful faces. 

I came right up to that man from before 

He looked at me, disgusted until I ran 

And hugged him 
He looked at me, soggy shirt and all, 

And giggled as we ran into the pit of the party 

Fingers loosely intertwining 

The lights were so pretty 

And the joy finally reached  

The deepest parts of my soul 

I could finally breathe and really truly feel it 

I woke up the next morning with the numbness  

In my head again 

I had fresh memories in my head from the night before 

But that feeling had returned 

Hadn’t I reached a breakthrough?
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