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And left without realizing I understood nothing 
I shrugged it off with a lump in my throat 
I tripped and stumbled over to the countertop 
And paused 
An inkling of a memory grew in head 
Like a new seedling pushing through the dirt 
What happened to me? 
I couldn’t have just been born  
With this dreadful numbness
I can never remember a single thing 
Memories were never clear 
Only strange senses were there 
Flashing, flashing light 
It was too loud; everything was too loud 
Crashing, and banging 
Big, yellow adorned men 
Could barely save me 
I think?  
I felt so close to this memory 
Yet it was so distant 
Darn, darn, darn, darn! 
I was so close! 
I couldn’t stand the feeling of 
What could have been a breakthrough 
That would explain why I was so broken 
I made to the sink and 
Poured a glass of water 
The water didn’t look like glass this time 
It was cool, slipping down my throat 
But soon later my mouth felt like it was filled with sand 
The lump in my back pocket buzzed 
I pulled out my phone and the brightness of the screen 
Stung my eyes 
I quickly read the message on the screen and turned it off 
It was from someone...someone named Axel 
I recall the name and a blurry picture of their face 
But I can’t really remember who he truly is 
I ask my roommate, but all I can make out is that 
He has brown hair and that he loves me 
But I can’t remember, which is so very strange 
All the memories of him are fuzzy and uncertain 
I floated back to my bedroom to think 
Everything was so confusing  
Every memory was only a vague, dreamlike impression 
All I wanted was to make myself feel grounded 
But I just did not know how to do that 
I fell asleep again 
At least within my slumber I could pretend 
My dreamlike symptoms were because of my dreams 
Within my head as I slept, 
In a way a screening of a movie played 
Crashing, banging, stinging, ringing 
Blood, so much blood 
I couldn’t take the feelings 
I couldn’t reach the full movie 
Because every second was in blurry sepia 
Then everything went dark. 
My flat was buzzing with noise when I woke again 
Loud, slurred music filled the space 
Between the ever-growing chatter 
My head felt heavy 
As the strange, yet familiar dream 
Swam through my thoughts; Confusing 
When I turned my doorknob  
All noise ceased 
I shivered and opened the door 
People sprang at me! 
With a wobbly looking cake, bright lights 
I yelled, but I grinned, because 
A big, loud man picked me up and twirled me
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