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Dear Santa Claws, for Christmas I’d like a new chew bone; I’ve been a real good dog this year; I don’t even bite the cat, Sheba, when she attacks my head, as I sleep and that’s not easy to do since Sheba has put a lot of holes in my head.  I’d also like some medicine for it.

Please bring me a new bed too, as mine reeks of cat urine; Sheba peed on it 5 times last week, while Mommy and me were at the park.

As far as cats go, Sheba is OK but, I wish she’d stop eating all of my treats.  Please bring her some of her own.  Oh and one of those catnip mice she’s so crazy about, it puts her to sleep for a long time and that’ll give me a chance to play with my own toys, for a change.

Mommy could use a new winter scarf too; Sheba keeps shredding’em with her claws; she really hates anything that has fringe.  It gets really ugly to watch.  It’s a good thing that I’m such a good dog; otherwise I’d bite Sheba in half when she destroys things…(Does she know how lucky she is…I doubt it.)

If it’s not asking too much, can I also get a new bag of jerky treats?  Also one of those neat colored rope bone toys?  I love the way the ends tickle my nose when I play with it.  The one you bought last year; Sheba tore it up, mistaking the stringy ends for Mommy’s scarf fringe.

You can have my last jerky treat when you come, if you want.  That is, if Sheba hasn’t eaten it yet.  You can also have some of my water if you’re thirsty but, please be careful not to, leave your face fur in it.  Last year I almost choked to death on a piece of it.  If you’d like, you can have my last pig ear too.  I know all of that work in one night probably gives you a powerful appetite.  (Sheba hates pig ears so I doubt she’ll mess with it.)  Thanks Santa.
Sincerely,
Butch, The Dog

PS: Be careful flying Santa, there’s some new creature out flying around; his name is “Drone” and he drinks, I think ‘cause he fell last weekend and just missed my head.
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