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XV.X.MMVll - Words to the Olympian

I've rode horses all my life.
The metaphor being,
my life's always been an uncomfortable unsmooth ride.
I'd watched my mom her entire life, 
the Olympian,
that beared the torch, 
like her sickness didn't slow her down at all.

She had smiled, 
when the doctor told her she'd never make it.
I thought to myself for our sake perhaps but now I know it's because she'd gotten us that far, 
the Olympian.
My hero, 
never wore a cape, 
instead she'd put on a smile like it was a mask, 
hide her pain, 
so that we'd enjoy the horse ride home.

I remember how she lay there unmasked.
Her lifeless form the final unveiling to a chapter I didn't expect.
That no one expects.
Her lifeless form a cold I'd felt each day after.
I'd close my eyes, 
because I thought it was a better sight than the colours, 
I thought then seemed dull.
I lived in grey.

I'd wash my face in tears, 
the salt a make up I'd have each day, 
reminds me of the oceans that did not keep me afloat.
I'd let the dark in my veins see my broken light too, 
through freshly cut slits in my wrists.
Remember the numb in my throat, 
the guilt a gripping bear claw tearing the skin off my back because I never told her how I felt.
Did she really know me I wonder, 
my personalities always been a thick mist that surrounds my face.
She'd said when things get messed, 
dust yourself off and stand up, 
I wondered then why she didn't listen to herself,
despite.

I feel her smile.
I know she'd never give up like this.
I bet she's up there, 
the Olympian, 
still bearing the torch.

13/10/18

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