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Never argue with a woman when she's tired or rested One good turn gets most of the blankets The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later It's better to be looked over than overlooked Definition of an orgasm: gland finale Virginity can be cured Sex has no calories Did you ever notice that anyone in favor of birth control has already been born The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard Red meat is not bad for you, fuzzy green meat is bad for you Never pass up an opportunity to pee Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday lying in the hospital dying of nothing No one is listening until you fart Never hold in your farts... they travel up your spine to your brain and that's where your crappy ideas come from A man with both feet firmly on the ground is a man who can't get his pants off A lie travels round the world while truth is putting its boots on Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead A day spent in a well was a day well spent My ex-wife still misses me but her aim is improving I googled, “how to start a wildfire”... got 48,572 matches I'm not as think as you drunk I am Told my wife I was seeing a psychiatrist... she told me she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand A closed mouth gathers no feet Eat well, stay fit, die anyway
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