Email Poem

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Personal Note:
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Poem
Surprise, I'm back up from the kicks you gave me
I'll be the First to admit I'm crazy 
I could curse out my ex, but at times I miss that lady 
I just Don't want you back, I don't want to kiss you baby
I now know you can miss people but not want them in your life
Do I need to stand back for them to understand that? 
Do my poetical words make up for everything this man lacks? 
I've got my eyes on a new girl and if I get the chance I'll do everything right
Make her happy, be the reason for her smile and leave her satisfied 
If my previous relationships killed me, then let her be my after life
I've been numb for so long, I can't remember when I last felt scared 
Lately my mind has been elsewhere 
I've Cried so many tears I'm wondering how I'll manage as a swimmer
Pouring Brandy and doing damage to my liver 
I remain calm with the drink, i don't panic with the liquor
I used to do dumb things like try and speak a love language to a stripper
I've spent many nights in clubs that I'd have rather stayed at home
Sometimes i go for a walk in a rain storm and won't take my phone
Am i wrong for not wanting to be disturbed? 
Should I hide it, and not allow them to see this hurt? 
Not too long ago i was listening to my favourite songs with eyes closed
Picked up a pen, but instead of writing a poem i wrote my suicide note
But I was unable to follow through with a second attempt 
My dreams of going to heaven went
Something came my way at the right time
I won't say what that is, because if i do, it will no longer be mine
I'll keep it to myself and be selfish 
Helping too many people made me feel helpless 
I pretend to be confident because i don't want to display I'm insecure
I've been in the battlefield and my scars and wounds portray my war 
The way I feel about this girl, I've never felt this way before
But we've both got too many issues to deal with before we start a new relationship 
If it's not with her, then I'll stay single as I'm not ready for dating chicks 
I'll give my all to Meg, or if not, then hide my feelings from all others
I used to think i was the only one, but now I know we all suffer
It's not about how hard we fall down, it's about how we all recover 
I've made it this far with only my pen and pad as friends 
This is the losers revenge
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