Sitting in my 9th grade poetry class during "slam poetry" day, I never knew all of the things my teacher would show me. I never thought I had it in me, to write something so vunerable, loud, and oftentimes downright shocking. We were shown a lot of poems that day, but one in particular stood out to me, that being "Times I've Been Mistaken For A Girl" by Alex Dang. How he wrote the poem and his emotion struck me deeply, and I resonated with what he was saying, but not in the same way. That was the beauty of that poem, it spoke to people no matter who they were, and so many people can relate to his story.
Before I go on about his poem, you need to know who Alex Dang is. Described as a poet, speaker, and educator on his website (https://www.alexdangpoetry.com/), he is an Asian American poet who specializes in the passionate art of slam poetry. He speaks on TED Talks, is a winner of the Eugene Poetry Grand Slam Champion, and has been shared millions of times on YouTube. It's apparent he's gifted, but nothing will strike you more in his work than his depressingly relatable lines and, simply, just the way his voice breaks when reading my personal favorite of his work.
His poem Times I've Been Mistaken For A Girl details his story of being mistaken for the opposite gender in a traditional and more conservative household. His orientation and gender came into question several times, from his mom and dad to random people in convinience stores. Alex's parents would say things like how they always wished they had a daughter, or that they've lost a son. As a non-binary person, this speaks volumes to me, when a parent can say that they've lost a child when in reality you've always been you, just with a different label. Alex makes it apparent that he grew up sensitive and was "always a crier". These traits were associated with his femininity and made people question his strength or think he couldn't take care of his future wife.
He highlights on the toxic masculinity boys are taught growing up. While girls are taught things surrounding their body image and place in a man's life, men are taught that expressing emotions makes them fragile and feminine, especially when you're like Alex and have a long lineage of brothers behind you telling you to stop acting so sensitive, stop crying, stop showing how you're feeling. In the poem, Alex admits he equated these taunts to his self esteem and insecurity, along with the voices in his head saying he'll "never amout to anything" or "he'll die on his own" all because of how he expresses himself.
But the thing that speaks volumes about Alex Dang's poem is one line in particular, being "12- I didn't come out the way they expected." I know I personally along with many LGBTQ people can relate to this sentiment. The feeling of being half baked, made wrong, a disappointment to the expectations of your family. A few lines later, he repeats that part. "12- I didn't come out the way they expected, 12- I didn't come out the way they expected, 12- I didn't come out the way they expected." And he says, "Zero- I was a disappointment before I was even born."
The facts are, this poem hgihlights on the raw and true feelings of self hatred that can stem from just little comments about your orientation and gender, the crippling feeling of being seen as the black sheep, or disappointment.
Yet, as most good poems and story turn out, there is something uplifting to combat the pit of pure truth from this work. Alex says at the end of his poem, "-I still may not do things a boy does. Instead, I do things a person does."
In conclusion, this poem speaks volumes about the impact of being an LGBTQ child in a heteronormative, assumption making society. So much insecurity, doubt, amd self hatred can come from it. But yet, we all grow into the people we were destined to be someday, just like Alex Dang did.
This poem taught me that not only are there people who feel the same in their queerness as me, but that slam poetry is mean to be loud, full of opinion, and the black sheep of poetry.
Please go check out this wonderful piece of work, you can find it on YouTube. I also recommend 'My Echo, My Shadow, and Me' and 'Driving Recklessly While Listening To Mac Miller'.
~Ezra Holt, aspiring poet