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Notes About The Poem

Ashen Aqualung

Daniel Henry Rodgers

"Grieving an abusive father is like mourning a storm; you remember the destruction, but also the calm that follows."

"The legacy of an abusive father is a complex one, filled with lessons of resilience and the power of survival."

Blessings, 

Daniel Henry Rodgers

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Ashen Aqualung

Daddy's specter plectrums mercilessly
Fraying my nerves raw
with oxidized guitar strings.
my thoughts relentlessly hemorrhage
onto clay vinyl grooves
s p i n n i n g
endless nights
of
suffocation.

a midnight jazz wail
lacerates
the void of your absence.
notes gnaw through bone marrow
ravenous maggots
in the corpse
of our love.

Chords violently crash
splintering my fractured vertebrae
a car wreck
in slow motion.
plucking
the frayed synapses
of my misfiring
modal limbic brain.

feel the searing electric distortion
static fuzz of madness
surge through
morrow's marrow
my moanin'
a primal scream
at the Eve of Destruction
trapped in a skipping groove
of creation
shattering guitars
and blasting kneecaps
in an empty cathedral
of resounding sound

Our touch
a violent crescendo
of needles and poisoned honey
pain swollen sweet
as a mother's milk
laced with a junkie's fix
on a stillborn birthday morn

each note
a razor-sharp reflection
etched in stretch-marked
scar tissue
of the agony that throbs
within this moog menagerie
of fractured femininity
set
Between the sets
of our shattered chords
a single note lingers- soft
almost tender-
like a child's last breath
before the
final
f i n a l e

Silence crawls
a venomous asp

a deafening absence
louder than stacked amps
of patriarchy
reverberating in the hollow spaces
between drumming heartbeats
where your persecuting promises
used to nest and breed

I am the discarded B-side
of the one-hit wonder
rising from dumpster-filled
lungs of domesticity
reborn
in the Electric Avenue
of my own making

singing
Billie's bruises
Muddy's floods and
Johnson's hellhounds
to the ghosts
of futures stillborn
in this Rhapsody
of beautiful
destruction

Moon-faced and sickle-smiled
I conduct this orchestrated
Savage band of ruin
my voiceless voice
a lightning rod
splitting the sky
of expectations
as I agonizingly birth myself anew
in the RCA Victor Rhapsody of Blue
of Beautiful
reconstruction

P e r h a p s… 

a new refrain

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Panagiota Romios Date: 9/19/2024 11:21:00 AM Like Valsa, some of this is over my head! Not your fault at all! Glad you overcame the abuse, I know it is not easy to live with any being, that harms us, One lierally has to CHOOSE to stay away from abusers.they are everywhere. Worse when they masquerade as your friend or supporter! Then suddenly, poof! They are gone! I find this in online friendships the most. I am not alone in this. One has to let go, and move on. Pangie Login to Reply

Arthur Vaso Date: 9/8/2024 12:46:00 AM an amazing poem, I will say when faced with abuse, you sure learn to read people and their actions very fast. Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/9/2024 5:37:00 AM Hello Arthur thank you for your kind words. Yes, you do learn quite fast. Have a great week. Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Nette Onclaud Date: 9/7/2024 9:57:00 PM in psychology, we call this traumatic bonding where the victim starts looking for abuse as a normal way to live...but we can change this by adapting healthier, more functional ways for real life- giving occurrences to happen...an intense, deep look into human experiences well conveyed, Daniel! Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/9/2024 5:36:00 AM Dear Nette, Thank you for your wonderful thoughts and insights. Are you also a therapist like me helping others to traverse this path? I have always loved psychology and I know it has also been part of my healing journey. Have a great week! - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Valsa George Date: 9/6/2024 9:18:00 PM Dear Daniel, your poetry is much above my level of comprehension. Though I don't understand line by line, I could gather the essence of your thoughts. We all know that a father's abuse can be a crushing blow, leaving a son's heart shattered like the broken strings of a guitar. Its memories are a source of constant ache, but there is a glimmer of hope, the possibility of a healing and rising above the pain to forge a new path marked by inner strength and resilience. "my voiceless voice a lightning rod splitting the sky of expectations as I agonizingly birth myself anew in the RCA Victor Rhapsody of Blue of Beautiful reconstruction" Yes, Daniel, you have reconstructed yourself... ! May God bless you. Wonderful talent ! Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/9/2024 5:33:00 AM Dear Valsa, There are probably many words that are more cultural for me especially the links to music of my past. I want to thank you for your empathy and understanding the poem and the nature of healing that can take place. God is my healer, and with his direction, I found the resources I needed to accept the past, live in the present, and look forward to the future. Have a great week! - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Tom Woody Date: 9/6/2024 5:48:00 AM Above all else this is just great poetry, perhaps one of your best. It makes sense since you really dug deep into your own psyche for this one. They say write what you know and sadly, what you knew is painful, yet you've survived and even thrived Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/9/2024 5:31:00 AM Hello Tom, Thank you for your wonderful comments. I give God the Glory for all my healing and putting the right people in my life. I alluded to many different songs that show how music can be quite healing also. Thanks again and have a great week! - Blessings, My Friend, Daniel

Mystic Rose Rose Date: 9/5/2024 10:49:00 AM Heart breaking Daniel, I don't know how you survived it, but the spellbound beauty of who you become is almost a miracle in God's steady hands. and out of all people he gave that one to you, that miracle that said, " I survived, surpassed and became the best version of me" despite the hell, your a piece of heaven on earth for all those who know you Daniel, love xo Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/6/2024 5:41:00 AM Dear Rose, How I feel so much empathy from your words and although I would not have wished this on anyone it has taught me many things about healing from trauma. God has given each of us a gift and that gift should help give purpose to our lives. I am so thankful for your visit and have a great weekend! - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Sara Kendrick Date: 9/5/2024 7:57:00 AM Sad that you suffered abuse at the hands of your father. Any abuse is hard on a person, but especially hard on a child when it comes from someone so close them. I know a large number of young people have suffered abuse from a family member or other people outside of their family. It is hard to deal with as an adult, but as a child who is innocent without the skills to handle such situations should never be exposed to such a life. Thanks for sharing your pain with us plus a way to heal. Sara K Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/6/2024 5:39:00 AM Dear Sara, Your words ring true and how is a child supposed to deal with abuse, especially if it is covered up and it happens time after time after time. Now, as a therapist, I feel that God has called me to a ministry to help others find healing. Thank you so much for your visit and comments. - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Ink Empress Date: 9/5/2024 7:42:00 AM Wow! Ok i try not saying wow when commenting, lol, but this! I am clueless on where to begin praising! such an important subject you’ve written about. I am not very open about my experiences in life which is why i hide behind metaphors but this! The wordplay here and what you’ve highlighting depicts darkness and grief, i feel a sense of sadness too, which is hard, when one grows up seeing and tasting abuse and to have to grieve an abusive parent is not easy, its alot of mixed emotions. I must highlight words pairings such as “violent crescendo” poisoned honey “ “fractured feminity “ and so much more! This is impeccable! Powerful! Soul hitting and your arrangement of words is so good! I love dark poetry and your use of dark diction stood out for me and makes this easily a fav. Sending you light Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/6/2024 5:36:00 AM Dear Empress, Again I am filled with humble honor and I will always be thankful for your visits. Growing up with a dad who I believed wanted to love me but struggled with alcoholism, unfilled in life, somewhat purposeless and possibly depressed. He died many years ago and has left scars that have healed but the memories still exist. As a therapist I work with abused, PTSD, trauma, addictions and other disorders because I feel for their pain and suffering. I love reading dark poetry and yes Poe is one of my favorite and I also enjoy writing with a darkness that sometimes is very stark. I know that many do not like reading poems like this, nonetheless, it is cathartic to some who have experienced any kind of abuse. Thanks again and have a wonderful weekend. I am glad you are back! - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Victor Buhagiar Date: 9/4/2024 8:57:00 PM It is a very realistic write, even though sad. Powerful, deep and full of controlled emotions. Fortunately, my father was instead a weak person but rarely abusive. Hopefully, you can forget the past and live a tranquil life. Blessings. Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/5/2024 4:52:00 AM Dear Victor, like you I am older and the healing process has come in many forms to include our Lord and Savior. Poetry, music, prose and family have been a wonderful way of re-emotionalizing the past. Additionally, being a counselor it helps me traverse the trauma of my clients. Thanks Again, Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Hilda Greenhough Date: 9/3/2024 6:22:00 PM This is a well constructed poem and has wonderful analogies. I can hear it, especially a few discordant notes. We'll written. Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/5/2024 4:50:00 AM Dear Hilda, Thank you for your comments. Poetry has been a wonderful way to express and heal especially since I have been a therapist for many years. I see some of the most horrific examples and I walk beside them in their healing. - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Andrea Dietrich Date: 9/3/2024 1:18:00 PM well, I hope you were not abused but you really captured the essence of it. loved that last line. Oh, to change the refrain! Login to Reply Andrea Dietrich Date: 9/7/2024 9:42:00 AM It has to be a horrible thing to go through as a child. You are such a. Good positive soul. Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/5/2024 4:49:00 AM Dear Andrea, Thank you so much. My healing comes in many forms and ways, such as God, poetry, music, and family. They are only but memories and my hope is that someone else who has been through it can also heal through our art. - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Silent One Date: 9/3/2024 9:34:00 AM I am sorry to hear about your experience, I had an absent father, not really an abusive one, but I guess that is a form of abuse also. A lot of emotions here and you have expressed it so deeply.. Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/5/2024 4:47:00 AM Dear SO, Thank You, as a counselor abuse comes in many ways including abandonment. I am thankful that we have ways to express the past through art such as poetry. For me they are only memories with a tear every now and again. - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Tom Cunningham Date: 9/3/2024 7:28:00 AM Powerful verse Daniel, I hope it brings you some sort of closure in that dark episode of your life. Tom Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/5/2024 4:45:00 AM Hello Tom, Thank You. I think that being a counselor dealing with trauma for the past 20 years has helped me tremendously to re-emotionalize the past and now they are only memories. I wanted to write this in a way that anyone who has been through any kind of trauma that there is always healing. - Blessings, My Dear Friend, Daniel

Clive Culverhouse Date: 9/3/2024 5:55:00 AM I saw the word aqualung and immedialtely thought Jethero Tull so I clicked and boy what a powerful poem, the lines are truly traumatic and the alliteration is awesome, your guitar love shone through with its metaphors, quite the write, Daniel Login to Reply Daniel Henry Rodgers Date: 9/3/2024 6:38:00 AM Hello Clive, Funny, I did appropriate that partially from Jethro Tull. I was in the military, and we used to call it an aqualung for diving. My guitar, as I mentioned in your poem, became my self-care and sanity. Writing these types of confessional poems brings a little more healing each time. - Blessings, My Friend, Daniel