Three Blind Mice - The Interrogations
three blind mice
three blind mice
see how they run
see how they run
they all ran after the farmer's wife
she cut off their tails with a carving knife
did you ever see such a sight in your life
as three blind mice
three blind mice
Dumpty here. As in Sam Dumpty. Another tale to be told, another mystery to be solved and I'm just the guy to do it. After carefully considering all of the relevant facts, taking into account, of course, any mitigating circumstances then factoring in the miscellaneous possibilities, I have put together the pieces of this unusual and extraordinary puzzle and have come up with a working theory as to what actually occurred and why (deep breath).
I started my premise with a multiple query. Three things I considered: (1) How did the mice become blind? (2) Why did they turn on the farmer's wife and (3) Were the aforementioned facts somehow related?
I interrogated the farmer's wife first under the hottest light I could find and with a menacing look in my eye. "Now look ma'am, I said, "Your story's just not adding up. Now one more time and from the beginning!"
"Well Mr. Dumpty, sir, as I told you already I was baking an apple pie, minding my own business, singing a happy tune when suddenly, and for no apparent reason, in ran these three ghastly mice screaming obscenities and threatening me in the most vulgar of terms. Why I, I had no choice but to run. 'Round and 'round the table I ran when a glint from the carving knife caught my eye. Well sir, never in a million years was it my intent to do any harm to those cute, disabled, furry little mice, no sir. But a strange wave of giddy excitement overwhelmed me as I considered the prospect of cutting off their little tails (sniff). I, I don't know what came over me. I love mice, really I do. I even keep their little tails in a jar on my kitchen windowsill as a reminder never, no never, to do that sort of thing again."
Dumpty here. Well, now you know the story from the dame's point of view. But I couldn't help but think that a piece of the puzzle was still missing. So I decided to visit the three blind meese, er, mice at the nursing home where they now reside. Their story was hard to swallow, but I believed every word of it.
"Thanks for granting the interview Mr. meeses, I mean, oh whatever! Now look, er, what I mean is, well, not literally look, what I meant to say is... no, hey guys I'm over here. Okay, now that I have your attention, I need to hear your side of the story, and please, just the facts ma'am, er, sirs."
"Well, the name's Ervin. Ervin T. Shorttail III. Who knew my last name would end up prophetic (sigh)? This is my brother Earl and this is my other brother Earl. We just three ordinary barn mice, never hurt no one, no sir (thas right Ervin, tell 'im). Now there we happened to be one day, mindin' our own business when the smell of apple pie entered our tiny nostrils (mindin' our own biz) and we just had to find out what all the fuss was about (wasn't hurtin' nobody, uh-uh). So we climbed up the side of the house on that little hangin' vine and peeped through the open window (jus peepin', thas all). Well, that crazy ol' farmer's wife took one look at us, let out a terrible shriek (we jus mice, thas all) and she done maced us right on the spot (can't see no mo)! Now, Mr. detective, surely you can see that it was uncalled for. We wasn't gonna eat the whole thing, no, we was only wantin' a l'il taste (jus a taste or two). Anyway, now we three blind ol' mice. But the thought of retaliation was the farthest thing from our minds (no sir). Then, about a week later there we was, stumblin' 'round the barn tryin' to find a scrap to eat when suddenly and without warning comes the smell of apple pie right up our nostrils all over again (man,we done jus got over it). So we thought lordy lordy, that crazy ol' bat be taunting us. Now, we ain't havin' it, us already bein' blind and all (can't see no mo). So, in we went, jus to talk, thas all (tell 'im Ervin). Man, you know she grabbed that knife and started whackin' away. Now we three blind mice wit no tails, layin' here in this nasty old folks home. You know, we jus mice (jus mice, thas all)."
Dumpty back. Well, I took the guys' story to my captain and it wasn't long before we had her locked up. For good. Now you know the true story behind this seemingly unsolvable conundrum.
This is Detective Sam Dumpty, signing off...
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