“The Router”
(A mystical journey into the World of Technology)
Chapter 1.
Now I’m not one who often believes in what I can’t actually see, or touch, or feel, but there sometimes comes a point in life when a body just has to accept for fact that there are some things that happen to us that cannot be explained away.
It all started when I bought my new desktop computer. I know, I know - most of you prefer a laptop, or a tablet, or your I-phone to communicate on the internet, but for me there’s nothing as satisfying as sitting down with a cup of coffee in the morning and staring out my home office window to watch the birds splashing around in the birdbath out in my back yard. It’s a grand way to begin the day.
Anyway, there I was just staring out the window when a little beep went off on my computer and a blue message box popped up on my computer screen. “Good morning!” it read.
Well, I can tell you that got my immediate attention. It wasn’t a facebook message. Nosiree, it was just a little separate popup message and it most assuredly got my attention as I tried to figure out where it came from.
“Good morning!” I answered back. “Who are you and how did you get into my computer?”
I waited for what seemed like an eternity for a response.
Finally…. it responded: “I’m right here with you…in this room.”
Startled, I looked around the room and found nothing but my snoring pup lost in his dreams.
“Where?” I demanded.
“Here!” it answered. “Right here!” it went on, as all of the lights on my router started blinking on and off.
“What the hell?” I asked aloud.
“Yes, that’s right!” the next message read. “I am your router…connecting you to all things wonderful, and some not so wonderful, on the great world wide web! I am Bob!”
Well I can tell you I almost choked to death on my next gulp of coffee.
“Yeah, sure!” I answered this so called Bob.
“No really,” Bob answered. “I’ve been with you for years and well…I just felt it was time I introduced myself.”
“Ok, ok,” I answered. “Enough of this! I’m rebooting!” I said and restarted my computer.
The last words I saw flashed across the screen were: “Ok, see you later……”
Chapter 2.
Well two hours later after rebooting and running all kinds of maintenance software known to man, there was good old Bob again!
“Hello again!” he greeted me. “You know it’s almost noon and you’re still sitting here in your pajamas just drinking coffee. Don’t you think it’s about time you got dressed and started doing something productive around this place?”
“Of all the nerve!” I wrote. “Look, I don’t know who you are or what you’re doing on my computer but this has to stop right now!”
“All you have to do,” Bob replied “…is to unplug me! Of course,” he went on “…if you do…no more Internet…lol!”
Of course I unplugged the router immediately and the blue message box disappeared.
I waited anxiously. 20 minutes went by and I plugged the router back in watching the lights spring into action.
The blue message box popped up again announcing: “I’m back!”
“Good grief,” I thought to myself. I do not need this crap and shut down the computer.
Worried - I thought about how much personal information this so called Bob could access on my computer. Bank accounts, credit cards, passwords, etc. all were within easy reach. I reached for my phone and turned it on. And there right in the middle of the screen was good ole Bob’s blue message box again reading: “Yes, on WiFi too!”
“What the hell?” I muttered to myself.
“Face it!” Bob messaged, “I’m going to be with you for a while….Just think of me as your new bestie. I pretty much know everything about you - your likes, your dislikes, your habits, your weaknesses, your strengths. Why not just roll with it and see where I take you?”
“Because I do not know you and I don’t trust you!” I responded.
“But you have no choice,” he answered.
“Oh, but I do! I can put this damned computer in the shop and have it wiped clean…and then no more Bob!”
“Not so, my sweet! You know as well as I that you are addicted to the internet and anytime you are there…I will be too!”
Totally frustrated, I turned off my phone and set about the task of changing all of my passwords and storing them off the computer knowing it was probably futile.
Chapter 3.
After making urgent calls to my computer guy, my internet company, and everyone else I knew, no one, absolutely no one had experienced anything like my Bob in the blue box. I was at my wit’s end and decided to confront Bob and turned my computer back on.
And there he was waiting in his blue box with a friendly greeting: “Hello, again. I see you’re back. And before we get started, I just need to say that I am not here to steal anything from you, or harm you in any way. So, you can just relax about that.”
“So you say!” I said. “Time will tell. It’s not like I have much to steal. So, what the hell do you want anyway?”
“I’m just here to help you,” he responded before going on. “The Internet is a wonderful place, you know? But it’s also a very dangerous place for anyone who is not experienced in how to use it. There are lots of predators on the Internet. Lots of criminals. Lots of sickos.”
“I’m aware of all that! So, how can you taking over my computer justify all that? I mean, it’s not like I am an inexperienced user. After all, I’ve been using the Net since it first began.”
“I know. I know,” he said. “And that’s exactly why I’m here…because you owe the knowledge that you’ve gained from using the World Wide Web to be shared with those who are less informed.”
“Ok, ok,” I said. “Just exactly what is it going to take to get rid of you?”
“Sorry,” he replied, “….but you never will…not completely.…that is. I’m going to be with you from now on. Popping up from time to time when I see something you stumble across that needs to be shared with other people so that it might help them…might protect them. So, in the meantime, you will just have to trust me like it or not!”
“Ok, ok, we’ll see about all that. Right after I have this computer wiped clean and start all over,” I responded, shutting down the computer again.
Chapter 4.
I delivered my computer to my repair guy that afternoon with instructions to wipe it clean! “I’ll start with a clean slate,” I told him, after discussing at length my Bob intruder. He concurred that would be the best and safest course to follow. In the meantime, Bob was still there butting in - on my phone - on my tablet - everywhere I turned that there was the Internet.
“You’re not long for this world,” I told him. “One device at a time, I WILL be rid of you after wiping my tablet and my phone clean. It’s been nice knowing you Bob, but we are getting a divorce like it or not.”
All I got back from Bob were smiley faces and the remark “We’ll see about that!”
A week after getting my computer back and reinstalling all of my software and buying a brand new router, I still hadn’t connected my computer to the Internet or turned the Router on. So far, so good, no Bob. That afternoon, I settled back into my office chair with a nice glass of wine and plugged in the new Router and waited. After watching the rotating red lights turn to a bright green, I focused my attention on my computer screen and waited holding my breath.
Immediately, there that s.o.b. was again!
“I’m back!” he wrote followed by a smiley face.
I let out a long string of shameful expletives and began going over in my mind how much money I had just wasted trying to get rid of this sonofabitch.
“I hate to say it but I will,” he taunted “…I TOLD YOU SO!”
I downed the glass of wine…..
Chapter 5.
I was clearly at my wit’s end regarding how to get rid of “Dirty Bob!” I felt like I was married again and frantically trying to figure out an expeditious way to get a divorce. I certainly wasn’t prepared to give up the Internet but I certainly didn’t want some SOB breathing down my neck while I used it. After much deliberation and some serious doubts, I decided to proceed with my usual traipsing on the World Wide Web to learn whether or not Bob would or would not be of any serious help.
As I pulled up a browser, Bob chimed in: “Have you ever considered hosting some kind of website that might be helpful to others who are surfing the Internet?”
“Like what?” I asked, suddenly listening to what my interloper had to say.
“There are thousands of things you could do to help people on the Net. You could help people find lost children, lost pets, lost relatives. You could warn people about harmful websites. You could warn parents about what their children should and should not access. You could point senior citizens toward helpful sites. You could point out educational websites for young people. In fact, there are hundreds of ways that you could help in fighting Internet crimes or be of help to the millions of people who use the World Wide Web! All you have to do is seek them out.”
“Well, I hadn’t thought about it,” I replied.
“Well, you SHOULD!” he chastised. “If everyone gave back at least a fraction of the benefit that they have harvested from the Internet - think of what a better and safer place it could be for everyone!”
I was silent while I considered the gravity of what Bob had said.
“You OWE it!” he said. “Think about it. If everyone gave back at least a part of the good they have gleaned not just from the World Wide Web, but from this world that we are fortunate enough to live in - think what a better place it would be for all of us.”
I felt ashamed…that I hadn’t given back…that I had been a “taker” instead of a “giver.”
“Sorry Bob, but you’re right.” I said. “I have been a taker instead of a giver. But I WILL do better…from now on. I promise.”
A little smiley face danced across Bob’s blue message box.
“My work here is done!” he said. “I’ll be going now. You don’t need me any more, but if you do……I’ll be popping up from time to time to steer you in the right direction. But in the meantime, just follow your heart and always try and do what is best for the greater good. You can’t go wrong keeping that goal in mind.”
“Thank you so much, Bob,” I typed into the fast fading blue message box. “I won’t ever forget you.”
“I know! I’ll see to it,” he said…..and with that Bob was gone.
The End
(a story written from a dream that I had.)
By jb pearce
August 8, 2020