No Girls
His first wake up feeling, some vague amount of time ago, was sitting on the toilet. It just wasn’t right-something wasn’t right, but he had finished and went out with the rest. Back to work.
Back to work-stall 1550, Seat AR-NLD. Something about his seat name was odd too but he kept coming and doing his work, prompted by voices from somewhere above him and of course every so often- “ Bringing Forward the Best of Us” the mantra of his area and so far as he could see the entire facility-which was huge beyond imagination. One production area disappeared over the horizon. The numbers of workers—he had no idea-millions, maybe even tens of millions.
He didn’t mind his work but had become curious over the last weeks, months or? What was he making and how did it fit with the rest of the facility? He had even asked the voice once, pleasantly-“What am I making?” The voice soothingly replied- “Every worker contributes to bringing forward the best of us.”
He had seen one worker freak out and watched as some “Assistants” appeared magically and then the guy seemed to slump apathetically. They cheerfully carried him away. The voice above him said-“He’ll be alright, you will be alright.”
There was a day off every week or month or year-he wasn’t sure. They were gathered into smaller groups and the Rewards Monitor spoke. He was always dressed in a cerulean blue suit and had silvery hair and a dazzling smile. He also winked quite a few times.
“Okay guys. I have the letters from your “girls from far away’” -wink-“and those who chose not to write may not get the reception you wish for on your Rewards Vacation.”
The Rewards Monitor passed out the letters with a wink to each “lucky guy”.
He took his.
“Dear 1550, AR-NLD. I can’t wait to see you, touch you, hear your voice and above all learn your real name! Working isn’t everything. One has to have some closeness, sharing, intimacy and even maybe love to make this universe worthwhile. I have gotten you a special pass for an early RV. I will meet you after you arrive. Look for the girl with stars in her eyes and AR-NLD on her lips.”
The guys with no letters shifted around and pretended to be unaffected.
“For those who want to respond please do so and those who are not so lucky you can now write your letters.” Most scrambled toward the screens which appeared. Only one hung back. He glanced at AR-NLD. His glance was unsettling and AR-NLD looked away.
“Lastly, some of you have been rewarded earlier Rewards Vacation”-wink, wink-“and you will have a special countdown strap on your wrist to let you know when you are leaving. I realize time here is a strange and slippery element so we have provided these to keep you updated. Also, some of you are going earlier just to prove”-wink-“that we are not kidding. Those that are Bringing Forward the Best of Us deserve the best. And with that here are pictures of what past and maybe future”-wink-“Rewards Vacations have been.”
Despite feeling a bit “sold” about something AR-NLD watched the show, watched the girls waving, smiling, laying on beaches, smiling more and beckoning him into tents, cabins, rooms of all kinds. And then their voices-like they already knew him and loved him. He would leave with the rest with hope and anticipation. There was something ahead. There was a future. Not just this.
But this time, the guy who had glanced at him bumped him. Startled him out of his reverie.
“Take a shit,” he said. AR-NLD tried to walk ahead of him but he steered him, again, with a glance, into the Workers Cleaning and Hygiene Room.
He went in and the guy said- “Go in there”. AR-NLD went into the stall. And stood there.
“Sit down. Or they will know something.” He did.
“Listen to this,” the guy said. “Plffuff, phlllaft, pu, tttst. Sound familiar?”
“What do you mean?” AR-NLD asked. He was worried somehow that he was blowing his Advance Date RV.
“What I mean is- you can’t take a shit. You just think you are taking a shit but there is just a chemical-electrical exchange through your anus to keep you going.”
AR-NLD felt a jolt go through him.
“You still there?” the guy asked.
“Why are you telling me?’
“You and me are some of the newer guys. That’s why we are going on early RV.”
“So that’s good.”
“No, that’s the worst. How long do you think some of these guys have been here?”
“I don’t know, some of the older guys, five, maybe ten, twenty years.”
“Ok. Hang onto your fake behind. The grey symbol on their uniforms-you’ve seen these?”
“Yeah, rarely but…”
“That symbol—hang on here-means they have been here over fifteen million years...You listening?”
AR-NLD started to get up. This guy was nuts.
“Don’t stand up. They will know you are done. Listen, I know this is out there but I know you have had some small inkling of what I am talking about. That is why I am talking to you and a few others. Those who aren’t completely gone. Some of us have been here awhile but remember stuff. “
“Ok, but if this is true what do we do. This is a huge place.”
“I caused trouble, a couple of times, on purpose to see what happens to someone who doesn’t kowtow to the rules. That is how I found the chink in their armor.”
They both heard someone entering the area and stop in front of them.
“Blue ball,” the person said.
“Blue ball,” the guy said.
“Blue ball,” AR-NLD said, yet he didn’t know why. The third guy entered a stall next to them and started making noises-‘ppppflat, pushhhh, zzzt.”
“Ok, DR-NN, we don’t have time.”
“Zushhhh, hahaha. I can’t wait to really do that again. Damn these plastic bodies. Ok, ok, S-MMY.”
“I am telling AR-NLD where we are. I am telling you fast and you can’t act any different or do anything until line-up for Early Rewards Vacation. This place is a body factory. All we do is make better and better bodies. Not flesh bodies that shit and sweat and stink-but perfect bodies used all over and those in them have been trapped for a long, long time.”
“Why don’t they just use machines like everybody else?”
“Weirdly, bodies made by machines wear out way faster and cost a lot more. And do strange and stupid things. Captured Reals – us-they found that we put something into the bodies that caused them to last a lot longer and be more efficient.”
“What was that?”
“Life.”
“Life?”
“Pllattt---ppppush—haha!”
“We are their most valuable asset but they found out after one or two million years there is less and less even of that in each of us. So they made a plan.”
“Blue ball.”
“Yes, DR-NN, blue ball. They need more of us Reals to replenish the older workers. AR-NLD, you have only been here about sixty-thousand years, hence the orange symbol. But Blue ball was on their time schedule. Not mine.”
A noise emitted. It was like music but like alarm.
“Chow time. How you doing AR-NLD?”
“Really , not so good.”
“Well, just to cement it and make matters even worse. There are no girls.”
“What?”
“There is no RV. No girls. Nothing. They think it increases ‘us’ to have that hope but really we just get marched off to nowhere, a bunch of phony good memories put in us and the joke is then there is less of us—it isn’t the work that makes less of us-it is the memory deletes and the memory installs.”
All he could do is shake his head.
“I know. I know. Well, the good news is because I got in trouble and saw a few things I shouldn’t have we can, hopefully, with great luck, shit again, and find girls – real girls and use their system against them. Hence “Blue ball’. Let’s go eat.”
Days or whatever went by. That was it? Just unload a whole thing like that and then that was it.
But his wrist band grew greener and pretty soon it was time to see what was real. AR-NLD thought his girl’s letter sounded real. Maybe she was one of the few. He longed to walk on the beach and hear her laugh. To hold her and even…
The voice above came on a bit louder than usual. “Please concentrate on your work. I know you are excited for your upcoming RV but Bringing Forward The Best of Us-that is what we do. And congratulations, you have earned time off” – no mention of the time unit-“ to get prepared.”
AR-NLD waited in his room. He rarely got to just lay back and let thoughts come and go. He was trying to picture the girl from his letter.
Someone knocked on his door. That never happened. He pushed release.
A guy came in. It was DR-NN. The nut job.
“Don’t take the first shot. The get-ready for RV shot. Then at “Blue Ball” look for the Departure Terminal Cleaning Lady to the right. Run-run past her and don’t stop. At a certain point they will not chase. Get ready for pppflatt, zzzush, zzzt. And even Oh! Oh—oh -oh oh oh! yeah. Real girls. Get it – REAL girls. Haha!”
DR-NN left. AR-NLD lay back. Sixty thousand years. Fifteen-five million years. It was worth the chance to see, touch a real girl.
AR-NLD stood in the line with the rest. There were screens with The Rewards Monitor winking away. And girls behind him waving and beckoning. The night before he had shoved the needle, the shot DR-NN had warned him about, into his pillow, released it and then poked himself with it to make a mark.
The line moved. There were maybe five or six hundred guys there. He looked out and saw the RV walkway and then maybe something, a shadow of a craft, in the distance, but maybe not. Then he saw her- The Cleaning Lady. She was tending to the floor but also looking at them. Suddenly, she looked at him-she was a REAL, he thought not really understanding what that meant. He saw beyond her a smaller area, another tunnel-way to a terminal.
The Cleaning Lady moved a stanchion and retracted the belt. That was the signal.
“Blue ball!” From twenty, thirty, maybe a hundred guys. He felt a shove. It was him. He was smiling.
“Hey man, my name is Patrick. See you down there.” They ran past the Cleaning Lady. She followed them with her eyes. Alarms were going off but no one was chasing them. Would they stop them ahead?
They came to the end of the terminal. They lined up and entered a real craft. It seemed familiar to him.
AR-NLD ended up sitting next to Patrick.
“Ok, we made it this far. I knew they’d let us go. The Cleaning Lady really has the power there. And she…” the ship moved with a sudden jolt.
“They need more Reals.” Patrick closed his eyes and took a big sigh. “Well, that only took me four hundred fifty-three years, six months and nine days. Phew. Man. Oh, and hey, you don’t mind crashing in this thing, do you?”
“What?” AR-NLD leaned forward and twisted his head toward Patrick. “What!”
“How else can we get rid of these things?” Patrick said looking at his right arm. “Damn fake bodies. We need to be Reals inside real bodies.”
“Well, how do we…?”
“That part I don’t know. Honestly. I just trusted my gut and know I couldn’t stay there anymore. And we gotta figure out how not to go back there. But, one thing at a time. One thing at a time.”
AR-NLD turned and closed his eyes. He pictured his room. His stall. Safety. Predictability.
“And I needed some friends who weren’t totally gone. To share the adventure, too, you know. Sorry about DR-NN. He’s okay. The loonier ones are the more recent ones. They still have some spunk. You were close, man. But I saw it.”
Close to what? Saw what? AR-NLD asked no one. He looked around.
Patrick was right. There were no bathrooms on this ship. And now feeling the worn material of the armrest, he could just barely remember the trip in. The promise of a great job and a chunk of space as a reward after some years. What a crock. He felt a growing excitement, a fear turn to terror and then a strange uncontrollable laugh come out of him.
The trip in there were bathrooms, real ones. And a letter-a real one- in his pocket from a girl. He tried to see her face.
“There you go, buddy. There you go. You got it,” said Patrick, with a huge grin.
AR-NLD leaned back and closed his eyes and waited for Earth’s gravity to pull them in.
Nothing would be, could be worse, than what he knew now.
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