How To Date A Space Woman
Space was big and filled with mysteries.Crews of hundreds-thousands-struggled to study,analyze, predict, contain, defeat all kinds of mysteries quanta small or galaxy big.
Mankind, on all habitable planets depended on them to solve those problems so they could lead calm, predictable, exciting, but not that exciting lives.
But there was one mystery that despite all those resources inhabited all universes, leading men to battle it, be confounded, gain a bit maybe and then be blown to smithereens. And back again.
~
Private Kirby had tried everything he thought he knew to ger her, Medical Sergeant Bowers’, attention. This included seven “Disciplined in Front of Crew”, most for actions that were funny enough that the Captain could not read them aloud but instead had them posted. And five times, Cited For Extraordinary Effort, this time announced by the Chief Ethics Officer. All of these to get her attention. Nothing. No results. Maybe even a diminishing of results.
When he repaired the External Sample Gather for her lab, outside the craft, at much peril to himself, she did not even notice him floating by her port for eighty-seven minutes.
When he snuck off craft and mined rare gems for her on an asteroid, leaving them at her cabin door, she called the Haz Mat team and reported the incident which, of course, came back to him.
Kirby even noticed that she was giving more attention to the Navigator Second Watch, Wayne, a man so boring that crew actually fell asleep talking to him! He was handsome, but…
~
She came on board “early”. It was the fourth watch. Earth time it would be midnight to six am. For those who thought of those distant days on that faraway planet.
Suns came and went depending on where they were. The artificial lighting helped the crew with the sense of a day passing. Bodies still “thought” that way despite biotechnology trying hard to make it forget. A day, after all, had a rhythm and a reason, a time of energy that peaked, drew down and then valleyed. And the crew, most of whom were young, displayed that curve gloriously. And displayed the way life itself starts, multiplies on itself and amongst others, hits a top, then a vacuum and then….
Kirby welcomed her aboard and settled her into a starboard cabin in the area where extra officer cabins were kept locked. Hers was on the opposite side of the ship’s officers’ cabins and a-ways from the Captain’s cabin and staff rooms in the port bow.
Kirby reported back to the Zeniths Quartermaster who was just leaving his watch. The Quartermaster noted her arrival in an old-fashioned log by hand. Old school.
“She need anything before I go off?” he asked Private Kirby.
“No, sir. I told her she can buzz for anything she may need.” They both looked out the Quartermaster’s portal. It was easy, Kirby thought, to get lost staring into space and take one’s attention off the important things, like chow and Medical Sergeant Bowers, the redhead.
“She is kind of….” Kirby started.
“What Private?” the Quartermaster said, somewhat impatiently as he had started to log off his watch while waiting for Watch 1.
“She is kinda old.” They both looked at each other. The Quartermaster laughed.
“The Commander is old, too, from what I hear so maybe they sent here so we wouldn’t be too disappointed…”
“Or shocked.” They both laughed. When they turned around, she was standing there. They hadn’t heard her come in and there had been no whoosh of compartments seals to warn them.
She regarded them. They squirmed a bit until a faint smile came over her face. She was short, white-haired, with blue-grey eyes that Kirby felt were both penetrating and unnervingly discerning, like she knew every trick Kirby had played since he joined the Force. And familiar somehow, too.
“How about some coffee for this old gal, huh, Quarter?” The Quartermaster hurried off to the mini-galley. She turned and looked at Kirby.
“Private Kirby.”
“Yes mam.”
“Can you tour me after I get my coffee. I know it will be after your Watch.”
“Of course, mam.”
“Good. I want to take a look to see what we need to do to get ready for the Commander’s Inspection.”
The crew had been told at general muster that before the Commanders inspection someone would be coming to make sure everything was shipshape. They had spent the last sixty watches cleaning, organizing where things had gotten lax and studying harder as they had heard that the Commander would ask “spot” questions to anyone in the middle of an inspection. Rumor had it that a flunk meant leaving space and going to a mining center or manufacturing or worse.
Kirby had also spent a fair amount of time sabotaging some of these activities and pursuing M.S. Bowers, the redhead. She seemed to be ignoring him but then there were the coincidences of running into her in odd places at odd times. He would disappear at these times so she didn’t think he was being too obvious.
He had gotten disciplined for a few of these hijinks, but most were overlooked. Kirby had that effect on people. Part of it was his personality and ability to bring laughter to otherwise boring watches and boring space routines and part of it was rumors of where he came from. Who he came from. Some of which he only knew as rumor.
The Q returned with coffee and the woman dismissed him with a look and the First Watch Quartermaster came in and stood at attention upon seeing the woman.
“At ease. I am here to observe and make sure you guys don’t all get sent to some asteroid belt.” She took a sip of coffee and seemed to smile at Kirby.
“Okay, Private. Lead the way.”
Kirby led the woman fore passing surprised crew member as they came to their stations. She nodded at them. Kirby headed towards the Captain’s office where protocol indicated all guests, no matter of what rank or purpose, were to go after being shown to their personal quarters.
Kirby let the woman enter the First Mate’s Secretary office, which was three offices from the Captains. The Secretary, who was older than most of the crew, looked up from his desk and then rapidly stood.
“Welcome aboard, Special Deputy Halls, mam.” Kirby noted the name. She had not told him.
“Thank you, Secretary. Good to see you again.” Again.
“Let’s go back to the Captains Office.” They started to walk back and Kirby stayed. He had never been further than the Sec’s office and then barely inside it.
“Kirby, come,” he heard and felt propelled by her voice even though she had not increased its volume. He came.
Kirby stood in the Captain’s office at attention. He looked straight ahead. Special Deputy Halls was greeted by the Captain and he asked her to sit. His secretary offered her tea which she took. Kirby felt uncomfortable and way out of place.
“Take a seat Kirby,” the Captain ordered and nodded at the chair next to the Deputy’s. The Captain stood behind his desk. He sat stiffly and waited. He was sure he was about to “tossed”. Tossed was what the crew called it when someone was “sent ashore” or sent away. When they broke too many rules, didn’t learn fast enough. He thought maybe he knew too much so he could kind of cut corners. He navigated by feel and by model not by computer -machine like the others. He had always done it and it always worked despite being flunked by several instructors. But why would they toss him here, with Captain and the Deputy? Usually, the toss was done by Chief Space Mate in front of the current watch the tossee was in. It was done fast. They guy or gal was gone. Poof.
“Have you had a chance to review the ratings, Mam?” the Captain asked the Deputy.
“I have.” She glanced at Kirby who knew that old cheats-he didn’t cheat any more-had come back to bite him.
“Kirby Marshall consistently at the top of Nav, Med, Logs, Evade, Battle, Electronics, Nuclear, Small Engine Quanta and the rest. “
Both the Captain and Deputy looked at him. No toss. Not yet.
“And what is his Earth age?” Earth age being a measure of, of course, if someone had been living on Earth where the Earth orbits the sun in a day.
“One eighty-six,” the Deputy responded. Kirby knew bio-regen tech and even organ regen tech from study, lab and space fieldwork, and from briefings from M.S. Bowers. It was her specialty. He didn’t feel a day over seventeen. And in a way he wasn’t, although he wished M.S. Bowers would explain the cell field theory to him again…in private. Not in a class.
“A youngster.” Again, they both looked at him.
“Private Kirby,” the Captain said. “If you were to choose officers for this ship and choose those who would no longer be here…who would you choose?”
“Sir…” the Deputy’s look put him back on track.
He named those who, while not perfect in the discipline department, were always there when something was needed and who, somehow, would be ahead of the curve on anticipating dangers, challenges-few as they might be in the training craft-and making others feel safe and able to continue to perform their duties.
His best friend Toby had smelled a leak in the oxygen filter and replenishment system before a computer had detected it and handled it himself before it meant a total shut down and evac of the ship. Which would have meant everybody getting a black mark. He would be First Officer
And Medical Sergeant Bowers would be Officer of Life Preservation. Over all medical, bio, virus lab, and even foreign entity bio study and containment. She had invented a virus killer with no side effects.
Kirby went down the list until it was complete.
The Captain smiled and the Secretary who had been listening, left the office for a moment and then returned.
“Thank you, Private. Now who should be dismissed?” Kirby felt uncomfortable. Almost everyone aboard was his friend, except one or two and those he attributed it to personality clash. There was also one guy, Dwayne, who tried hard but kept making mistakes, even at his last post in packaging and expelling “garbage”. All waste was really compacted down to practically nothing but a portion had to be expelled from the ship-an easy job, but Dwayne would still make mistakes.
Kirby said the names of two crew he didn’t get along with and reluctantly, Dwayne.
Again, after the Captain nodded at him, his Secretary left the office.
“Thank you Private,” the Captain said. Deputy Halls stood and he did too. The Captain nodded and they both exited.
Kirby walked the Deputy to the Bridge and the first watch stood at attention.
“Private, go to your quarters and see you in six.”
“Yes Mam.”
Kirby went to his quarters after grabbing a quick meal. The mess was mostly empty because it was between watches. But there she was! M.S. Bowers, also grabbing a snack. She noticed him, nodded and was gone. Strange.
He thought about going to the gym for a quick one, but something told him he may need to have all his energy at second watch.
Kirby lay down on his lev-magnetic bed. He didn’t really like the bed, preferred the couch, the actual couch or the floor, the actual floor- but he stayed.
He closed his eyes and saw himself as a kid running the corridors and shafts of a huge space craft. Crew would chase him and he would find ways to avoid and disappear.
“Damn space rat!” the mechanic would say as he dashed by a rehab site and grabbed a tool.
“You may be his son but to me you are just a speck of space dust in my nose!” Big Jim would say as Kirby ran through the soon-to-be phased out nutrition prep area. Big Jim would pretend to reach down and grab him but instead pass a package of chocolate swirl ice cream, also soon to be phased out.
Kirby knew all the secret places he could go and hide, all the code and signals and combinations that he memorized. He knew everything about the ship except the quarantine area that had impossible bulkheads and no visible way to break them.
He tried to sleep but this night something in him jarred loose. In Bio-Psych the thought was if the body gets rebuilt memories can disappear because the body parts are new, regen, therefore no contact with the past body or its parts. Kirby thought that was a bit hokey. And when he asked his instructor well then, where are memories stored? The instructor hemmed and hawed about the brain but then brains had been regen too. His brain was new.
Kirby thought of the Deputy. Her eyes appeared. Blue-grey. This time concerned, downright worried.
He saw himself in quarantine as a child! He had broken in to hide from something or someone. He remembered smelling a chemically ozone smokey smell and hearing-nothing. The ship was dead. The crew…She carried him past bodies along passageways and then through a port that had been “inserted” into the side of the craft. He couldn’t feel his own body. She took him through the port to the Medical Craft where he saw hundreds of crew being attended to. When he came through she briefly stopped and those who could saluted him and those who couldn’t yelled Hrrah!
He had saved many of them! The Space Rat had been in the air shafts and seen the enemy enter and followed them. They had messed up most of the electronics but Kirby lead them unawares to the quarantine area. And he had seen the “invisible” control panel above the various hazard signs. They flowed in and then he trapped them. But the ship was sabotaged and the oxygen was failing. Kirby sealed himself in the quarantine viewing area which had spare oxygen but someone, something was waiting for him. One last enemy…
He woke up. There was an attendant standing to the side holding a uniform. He showered quickly and wondered what the….
When he came out the attendant had arranged the uniform in to different “quadrants” and he helped Kirby get dressed. He saw himself in the mirror and saw the one white star over blue with a red line through the middle. He took a deep breath.
Nothing came to him, no flood of memories like the night before, no words, no emotion-just a deep calm and a surge of space-his own-and a love of his crew and an almost humorous expectation of what would come. What challenges. What battles. What enemies. What defeats.
The attendant brushed him and straightened a few things and opened the door. M.S. Bowers stood in front of him.
“You took longer than me and I am a…” They looked at each other and smiled.
And behind her Toby who looked somewhat ridiculous but splendid in his uniform. Like a child dressing up as a parent. Smiling, beaming.
Kirby stood with them for a moment. Three attendants vanished magically as though into the walls.
“You guys ready?” Kirby asked. They nodded. They weren’t sure of the question’s answer but as soon as they walked into the Meeting Chamber and a thousand crew stood, saluted, and cheered, they knew.
And then when the overhead pulled back and revealed ten thousand crafts floating around them, signaling Hrrah simultaneously, they knew.
Kirby walked ahead of them and passed through all the crew. He knew he, the commander, and his top two officers would be gone soon to the command craft, but he looked at each crew member in the eyes and they knew they passed his inspection.
And he knew, regen bodies or not, he had been a commander before, maybe many times.
The three walked to the stage of the chamber and waved and retreated through the back where lights on the floor guided them to the module where a small craft would take them to their command ship.
Toby pulled even with Kirby and leaned over slightly.
“I guess that was one way to get her attention,” he said.
“What are you guys talking about,” M.S. Bowers said pulling up to them.
“Just the intricacies and responsibilities of leadership,” Kirby said.
“Pish-tush,” M.S. Bowers retorted. She took Kirby’s hand.
“You just needed to be available. Sir.” Her look conveyed-Yes, I see you and yes, I saw you. Many times.”
Kirby shook his head and looked at her. And thought-One of the real mysteries, right there. Unexplainable, fascinating, and joyfully fathomless.
“Coffee, after we get settled?” he asked tentatively.
She nodded. Yes.
A date!
After he conquered all that was “out there”, he would write a book about it.
“How To Date A Space Woman”.
It would fill a void, eons long and galaxies wide.
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