Depression, Dark Times
Have you ever awakened one morning staring at the ceiling, like melting into the whole room quietude blank staring? Your mind blank, in a fog kind of blank. nothing is moving in or without. Every particle of your Being knows something is wrong, knows you've been here before. It's difficult to put into words. Within this self-created, self-centered atmosphere everything seems so sad, alone and far removed from everything, from life. Any movement, sound, will create a ripple in the fabric of time and chaos will permeate your entire being. you are lying there awake for but a few moments but it feels like hours or even days have passed.
You get out of bed you feel so heavy, tired, and lifeless. life feels to be in slow motion. You wander out of your bedroom even though every fiber of your being is against such a move.
Before you realize, your standing in the middle of your living room. Your life feels empty, lonely, and unhappy, even formless, like shadows out there somewhere.
Against your better judgment, you move toward the window and that is when it hits you, this feeling of loneliness, sadness, and darkness surrounds you like a shroud tightly wrapping your very Soul. You don't want the world to see you like this, suddenly you feel to open too vulnerable. Your flaws strung out one by one seem to stretch out before endlessly.
Your mind is screaming for you to move away from the window and hide. You fall into your couch and hope no one comes by or calls. You begin to make excuses for things that have not yet happened so you can crawl back into your bedroom, to hide under the covers. you hope that this darkness will visit for long and will pass.
Somewhere you know within these forces a moment will come, and you hide, sleep and sometimes cry, and you wait for that moment hoping that it's days and not weeks. you hide deeper into your bed.
Life is like water falls, depending on how bad the storm is, depends on how fast and how far you fall. one thing we do know we will never get the same moment twice. Life is moving and there are no second chances.
Why is it that when we are in the darkest moments of our live we seem to pay the closest attention to detail, and everything seems to matter. Depression is like a ghost, you never see it coming. It just lands on you like gravity.
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