Copy Not by Half
It might be Islamic but Hausa People by nature, crouch and squat a great deal. To win their good opinion, spirit, heart or The Three requires one to join them in their squatting fantasy. The Easterners who came closer to their bosoms were those who ate their meals and smacked their lips, consumed their reddest kola-nuts and ignored their gritty pastes that would line the boundaries of courting lips… Of course, also not forgetting to sit on the bare floor with them with a without chaplets.
Already, I have struck the main point. Always go the extra sometimes painful mile of imitating people in whom you honestly believe. You will have convincingly conveyed the point that you sincerely cherish who they are and what they represent.
A length of time to demonstrate this presented itself to a class of Philosophy Students numbering Twenty-Five. Mr. Briggs Bright taking them on a Third Year Course had a speech mannerism, which almost all of them swore was unpopular and rather drab.
“Complete Shit!” Maduka would vulgarly assert and the point that it wasn’t a speech style worth showing off in public.
“By me to never try today nor tomorrow any sentence filled with “Erm,” Maduka still showing his utter displeasure with Lecturer Briggs Bright for the queerest pauses during speech.
“God! They could set his listeners wondering what actually had gone wrong: whether The Philosopher had not bothered a dime to prepare for his lecture or did.”
Although, not for once, did Briggs Bright make anything that resembled a grammatical mistake or blunder, his audiences, sometimes anticipated one, their hearts in advance bleeding for him, as his pause-filled speeches continued to flow at their sluggish rate.
“Somehow, my mind tells me that the whole thing is a child of Poor Co-Ordination and I mimicking it a way of telling The Whole World that I adore disjointed speeches!”
That was Alao Peters, who hated giving his audience even the slightest impression that he was going to falter the next minute in his speech.
Would Mr. Briggs still take it as an affront, if he met him one one and smilingly try to find out from him why his had had to be speeches, even hours-Long with Dismal Chains of “Erm- Erms,” “That is… That is” and “You know Y’ know…” But would he pick offence and his eyes redden, if I did, Alao once asked himself in a secluded moment but strove not to answer its answer or rather thought that in reality an answer to it was not necessary.
“Just that, recently, I’ve been getting a lot finicky about what shouldn’t make me even slightly finicky”
Wisely, Alao was advised by his Marvelous Close Friend to wait for the blameless time their Mr. Briggs Philosophy Lecturer made blame worthy grammatical mistake to formally take him up on the subject.
“You don’t know, but I can’t remember his having paused during speech at places where it’s clear that a speaker didn’t know which Preposition or Connective to use,” observed Marvelous.
And one might say that was a point in Marvelous argument. Then, as though he had caught a whiff of the murmurs against his speech style, Mr. Bright Briggs decided on a certain unwarned afternoon to open The Can of Worms and go ahead to praise The Worms - indeed paint the brightest of pictures of his speech mannerisms. It was startling Bright Briggs’ disclosure that he had adopted them on purpose.
“When I was a youth…” He began “I was more of a rapid speaker than less, my sentence coming out effortlessly: fast, like the excited froth of fresh palm wine unhindered, if you wish.”
“And you suddenly decided to change it,” a Winfred said, with a tinge of shock.
“Well, it had to do with my subsequent perception of An Address and of the effect one should aim at creating on one’s audience.”
Mr. Briggs was to concede before them that Fast, Witty Speech Style endears the user to his audience presenting him as a gifted rhetorician, but crucially pointed out that the same audience wouldn’t approve a use of the same style by the fellow in the handling of Grave Matters of Concern.
“They may not even invite him to deliver a speech on very sensitive issues”. Mr. Briggs dared adding. “…Now that he has come to be synonymous with Entertaining Talks and therefore the Last Person to be approached for his opinion on Solemn Subjects”.
Mr. Briggs did not fail to remind his listeners that An Oracle delivering judgment on a breach of Local Custom or Norm usually did so in a slow-paced language aiming to lend weight to its stand as well as overwhelm its audience.
“And as you all… er-er are in field of er-r Philosophy, you should er-r… Y’know-be prepared to always… er-r… erm lend weight to, Y’know, every remark you’ve made by injecting them with Hesitation Pauses”.
In all, they were twenty-five convinced of the sense in Regular and Part-Time Public Speakers Introducing deliberate pauses into their speeches. It didn’t matter they really knew what to say and could present them in a jet stream of Impeccable Grammar and Emotion. Occasionally, they should halt midway a sentence, hesitate at its end, remember to introduce ‘er-erms’ and not forget to insert ‘Y’ know’.
As unfolding event were to show, only one of the students kept making the particular sacrifice of modifying his galloping speech style to reflect Mr. Brigg’s precepts on Rhetoric: Joshua. A trusting six-footer and experimental mind. He alone began to find comfort in conversationally moving at a drunken pace and, over time, grew to like it so much as to summon the courage to tell his colleagues with an air of disappointment that they had not been ardent imitators of Mr. Brigg’s speech style.
But what would he want his course mates to do? - An Evidently Unprepared Family, somewhat still sure of the lack-luster features of the speech mannerism they were being asked to emulate. From them Joshua was getting wordless inaction, whenever his wish was for each of them to live by example, as they could only bear to urge others to imitate their lecture’s speech style, but not recreate it themselves for being, as far as they knew, An Embarrassing Mannerism.
All the same, Mr. Brigg’s speech mannerism began to gain ground elsewhere through the collective effort of Joshua and his class members – and when Mr. Briggs disclosed that he was going to honour the students, who had helped to popularize it, the general public was expecting Twenty-Five names. A Short List of Twenty-Five Nominees.
But not for Mr. Briggs! He was to dumbfound the mammoth gathering at the occasion of the award by unveiling just A Gold Medal and decorating Joshua with it!
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