We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a l
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
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My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A guy says, 'I'm so old that I forgot how old I am.' An old woman says, 'I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over.' The man does this. The woman says, 'You're seventy four.' The man says, 'How can you tell?' The woman says, 'You
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Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.
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This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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Nurse: 'Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office'. Doctor: 'Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.'
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.
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Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
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Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
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You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
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A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, 'You're crazy' The man says, 'I want a second opinion!' 'Okay, you're ugly too!'
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In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, 'We want Youngman! We want Youngman!' The coach says, 'Youngman - go see what they want!'
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?
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During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.
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This man dresses like an unmade bed.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass. The CO says, 'Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!' So the soldier com
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