Long Embrace
Alone,
Alone with an echo.
Alone with a hollow heart.
Allowing my empty mind to run.
Run from thought to thought.
Deadly thoughts.
My mirrored image is oblivious to the emptiness inside.
She smiles,
She laughs,
She even jokes around,
Everything is silly,
Everything is fun and games;
But for every smile,
Every joke,
For every laugh,
There is a tear,
And a drowned scream for help.
I’m a mute,
A mute in many ways,
Mostly emotional.
And I can’t communicate,
I don’t know hand language;
I know aggression,
And pushing,
And shoving,
Just not love.
I connect with pain.
I connect with the broken,
The ones with the torn past,
Disarrayed life stories.
They leak their pain onto me,
And I suckle at it like it’s the last drop of water in the empty desert of my life.
It feeds me.
I live for those I attempt to fix.
Those who,
Even for a moment,
Make me feel a little less messed up,
A little less broken.
Still,
I usually end up under them,
In their deepest holes.
Alone,
With the only company I dread;
My own.
No one has peeked into the inferno of my mind,
No one has dared,
Cause if they did,
If they opened that Pandora box,
There would be no turning back.
But I long for someone,
Someone to break my barriers,
And cradle me.
Tell me there is some light,
Something good inside of me.
Anything.
Someone to embrace my demons.
Someone to embrace me.
Copyright © Maria Boersma | Year Posted 2019
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