The Pit of Love
You gripped your hands around my neck..
Looked into my eyes with hate and I still love you.
You proceeded to drag me with no regard for the pain you’d inflict on me
Right onto the ground, as if I meant nothing to you,
and you still mean everything to me.
See, in the pit of my stomach, I am nauseated with love and heartache.
As I reflect on every decision you’ve made to hurt me, I still forgive you.
It was every night that I was with you,
that I was reminded of the man you’ll never be.
But I’d ask myself, who would love you if I gave up on you
Who would be your light at the end of the dark tunnel you’re traveling through.
And yea, I really thought I could guide you through.
If I just stuck by you
In every aspect of your life, you have been abandoned.
In every aspect of your life, you have been given up on.
And though..I have seen first hand the beast you can be,
I still wanted to be your beauty.
All that’s left is this feeling of twisted tremors,
and tight knots in the pit of my stomach.
Where, my brain and my heart can’t make sense of all you’ve done, or anything that I feel for you.
It was every night that I was without you,
that I fantasized about the idea of you
and what we could be together.
I believed in you more than you believed in yourself,
and the proof is in the way I let myself be vulnerable to you...
The way I let myself be susceptible to this physical and emotional pain
That you’d cause time and time again.
Why couldn’t you step up to your own plate?
Become a better man...A healthy man?
Why couldn’t you give back the same love, dedication, and strength I carried on my back for you.
See, in the pit of my stomach, I am sick with love and heartache. Troublesome strains that linger there because I can’t figure out how it is fair, that in love, you can grieve a relationship you’ve never had and only striven for? Realistically, I never had the best version of yourself I always knew you could be. I fought for this relationship with nothing but the belief that someday you would set yourself free.
From the constraints of insecurities and trauma you’ve been dealt in life.
And now.. Now that I am finally at the point of pressing charges,
I want you to know that I still believe in you,
that I know you can be a healthy man.
I want you to know that this isn’t easy for me,
even though many would agree, that it should be.
I’m so sorry, but..
You’ll just have to get to that place of peace without a gift like me.
(may edit)
Copyright © Kalene Bryant | Year Posted 2016
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