Pained But Free
You could have just told me, but you made me feel unloved and a waste of time.
If time was truly what you needed, you know I wouldn’t given you that.
You’ve told me things before.. haven’t you?
You’ve trusted me, complained to me, relied on me… so why did you stop ?
I thought staying and being patient would help you realise I truly wanted to be there for you.
I still don’t know what you thought of me. If I even meant anything to you.. if I did, then I guess you were too scared to show it.
You’ve loved before.
You know how to love.
Why does it change when it’s me?
Do I remind you of something? Are you angry with me? Was I too loving ?
So many questions fill my mind, those that will never be answered.
I loved every part of you.
Never judged you, never wanted to change you.
I kept wanting to be nurturing, having someone to love unconditionally. Wanting them to grow as I sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labour.
But it was not my place neither was it my job.
I was scared of you outgrowing me, finding better or someone more deserving.
I have let go of my desires. I have let go of wanting to mother you.
I have my own responsibilities and my opinions of love has changed.
Farewell.
I have left the nest, like a free bird seeking its own journey.
I’m not longer sitting in the nest waiting for you to return, rather I have left to start my own.
Copyright © Kadi Kay | Year Posted 2022
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