Dead Man's Float
I should have seen
that everything was just words
before I was swimming
in an ocean of hurt.
The deepest depths of the sea
lurched towards me
and I inhaled water.
I welcomed it, lulled like a sailor
drawing ever closer to his end,
making his way to the siren
until with one final breath
he exhales his last
and she pulls him down with her.
Yes, I welcomed
the beauty of the ocean
knowing I would die
and there lies my body.
Can you see it?
That was me.
It drifts beneath the surface until
it will make it's way to the top
bobbing again
amongst the waves
but I'm still lifeless.
I feel nothing.
I see nothing.
There's no light
behind these eyes
because I drowned in water,
the thing that
should be healthy for you.
I guess that's what friendship is.
I guess that's what love is.
It makes you hate yourself.
Makes you wish
you'd never trusted anyone.
Nobody cared
because if they did
they would have told you
that they were going.
Not once but twice.
Gone are the days
of naively believing
that anyone actually
cherishes you.
Gone are the days.
You see yourself
for what you really are,
an object to be used
and then thrown away.
Had I known
I never would have trusted,
I never would have looked.
I would have left the sea
to walk on land
because the land
may be dry and barren
but at least the land is there.
The sea's waves come
and go as they please
and never cease
to leave
a corpse floating
like wood,
the wood that I cut
for my bed that I made
that wasn't stable.
Now I'm able to see
that I never mattered.
Now, I'm able to see.
Now I'm able to see that the sea,
the sea never loved me.
The sea was a lie.
The sea was a lie
and no matter how hard you try
you can't escape
the inevitable outcome
of it hitting your lungs
as you scream silently
and realize you're drowning.
That was almost two weeks ago.
I'm decomposing and bloated
amongst the waves.
They say that God saves
and maybe
He'll breath me back to life
but until then I float.
I float.
I drift and I float.
Copyright © Kayla Manahan | Year Posted 2021
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