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My Heart Hurts

My heart hurts 
By Dakota Cowan

My heart hurts.
My heart hurts in ways i can not put into words 
My mind weighs out every positive, to a negative.
My heart hurts when I look in the mirror. Not because I do not like what I see. But because why I see it 
My heart hurts when I smell dinner creep up the stairs, because it smells amazing. But when it comes time to eat it, I'm not hungry. 
My heart hurts when I step onto the scale, not because I am overweight, but simply the fact eating has become a chore. 
A chore I put aside until my body physically needs it. 
The five numbers on the scale are rapidly decreasing, almost as fast as my happiness. 
9 months ago,  I had a goal weight that I knew I would be thrilled to be at. I would be satisfied. 
9 months later I have passed that goal weight, and it simply just isn't enough. 
Working out was once a chore I hated to do, but its the only thing i can do to get my thoughts silent. 
I keep telling myself i am getting better, but the only thing i am getting better at is getting use to the numbness that controls my world.

Copyright © Anna Grace | Year Posted 2021

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Book: Shattered Sighs