Embrace the Confusion
Head spinning heart racing
So many thoughts has my legs pacing
Back and forth
Between and around
I am stuck in this place
Just how can i be found
Whose around for some guidance
Whose around for some direction
I thought i was merging until I found myself stuck at this intersection
Holding up traffic
No red or green telling me to stop or go
Just my memories and assumptions
Telling me to hold on or to let go
My biggest struggle in life was holding on to the past
Holding on to memories once filled with tons of love and many laughs
Memories filled with rage and conviction
Memories filled with a bunch of speaking while not enough listening
Holding on because i am fearful to let go
Fearful of merging onto that intersection with my foot on the gas pedal
Fearful of change and fearful of defeat
Fearful and unwilling to embrace the situation you see
Embracing is acceptance which I wasn’t ready for
Not ready to embrace closing up and opening new doors
Afraid to picture what was on the new side
I would keep my eyes shut tight to block the new memories from forming inside
Wanting change but not bold enough to admit it
Wanting more for myself and the others around me
Not willing to embrace it while stuck in my old surroundings
I had to remove myself from the old mess
Embrace what was once my happiness
Embrace that those memories shaped me into me
Embrace that those tough times would shape my future moments and allow me to become free
Embrace that i still had some soul searching to do
Embrace the fact the ones closest to me had some to do too
Embrace that timing is key to happiness in life
Embrace that people closest to you come and go whether wrong or right
Embrace that happiness is within you no other person can fill that void
Embrace that my happiness is on the verge of being restored
It takes a lot of courage to go through this phase
A lot of reflection
Avoiding misdirection
Letting go of misconceptions
All of this to fully merge onto that intersection
Foot on the gas mirrors aligned
I can see out the rear most importantly while leaving it behind
I am who i am today but not who i was back then
I can only focus on what’s in front of me on this new direction
I have embraced the confusion and the uneasy feelings
I have battled with those inner demons
They won a few battles but i won the war
I conquered my feelings and everything else I have in store
Copyright © Tony Johnson | Year Posted 2020
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