Broken
You are broken, brought down and discarded
So you made my life a living hell by fueling my thoughts with your fragments
Sometimes I feel that the half of me that is half of you, is losing control and running lose
All your insanties and mistakes have made me anxious and afraid
I’m not sure why you think you deserve anything from me
But my love for you, as much as I hate it, will never dissipate
Though you gave me something that destroys me day by day
Like the gift of life sometimes I wish you would just take it away
You are broken, “shot down by love”
That love you tell me you still hold
Whenever I think i’m rid of you
You find your way back in my life again
Like fine china
Your beauty on the outside captivates me
I'm sorry that the life you imagined to have didn’t work out for you
Where my mom would come back from work, kiss you on the cheek and declare how much she loves you
Or where your daughter would be the princess in carnival and the life of the party, baby girl
I’m sorry that you feel your still a “father”
When I had someone to fill your shoes for 16 years now
11 years of calls on my birthday
2 years and all you could do is ask for a place to stay
2 years and all you could do is tell me how I owe you things
1 year and I haven't heard from you since.
Did you expect me to be groveling on my knees, begging my mom to help you
When you never helped me
But sometimes I feel I can't blame you
Schizophrenia is rough
One that gives you false memories
Hallucinations
Deceptions
All the crazy things you’ve done and put me through
Your ideas and view on life
Putting a picture of me and my mom in the middle of a pentagon
Threatening to show me how to “treat a man”
Yet telling me how much you love me and wonder why I don’t talk to you
But then I have to remember
That there’s something wrong with you
Im broken
Some shards were shattered by the things you do
But nonetheless
I still love you
Even though you frighten me
Making my heart beat a thousand times per second
The memories I have with you,
I was a child.
Someone who just took whatever you gave out
I wish I had the memory of a good relationship with you
One that was natural or maybe brand new
The more I make my mind manifest monstrous memories of you
The more I let my actions be controlled by you.
Though we’re both broken
I hope we can work to fix it
Maybe when you start taking life more serious
And I find peaceful tranquility within myself.
Copyright © Zaviyah Teague | Year Posted 2019
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