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Roger Turner Poem
Little Toy Soldiers going off to war
None will ever live to see age twenty four
None of them even know what they're fighting for
Little Toy Soldiers going off to war
The world has always been this way
With Emperors and Kings
Fighting with toy soldiers
And the glory that it brings
Land, beliefs, religion
The basis of the war
fought by young toy soldiers
Who all die by the score
Time has taught us nothing
But, it's changed the way we fight
War is a full day job
Now that it is fought at night
The boards of little armies
Are now shown up on the screen
With all the little soldiers
Lit in different shades of green
They used to be all metal
Painted up in nice bright shades
With a General on horseback
Leading all his smart brigades
Then, the men were plastic
glued to bits of wood
Behaving as a unit
Just like a soldier should
Now, the war is different
They're up there in different hues
You can watch them fight in real time
Just like on the nightly news
The only thing remaining
The thing that's stayed the same
Is that nobody in power
Know the Little Soldiers names
Little Toy Soldiers going off to war
None will ever live to see age twenty four
None of them even know what they're fighting for
Little Toy Soldiers going off to war
April 29 2018
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
I think it's time to do an update
Of The Seven Deadly Sins
Most people do not know them all
Sit down and let's begin
I'm not really religious
But, I think they're a bit stale
So, I think I'll spruce them up a bit
In this my sinly tale
Gluttony, a sin of course
I think it should be changed
With an asterick, obesity
There, that's one sin rearranged
With dinner plates much larger now
And fast food all around
I don't think God prepared the world
For the obese people we've found
Hyper-obese children
Fed from chemically laden food
I think that gluttony can be renamed
To Obesity....don't you?
Greed...there's not much to say
Unless you're not in the one per cent
You know, the ones who have the cash
While we're still making rent
Unless things are all equal
This will never go away
Someone always wants all that you've got
There's not much more for me to say
Envy....not a really bad one
To me, it should not be on the list
Although some might seem envious
Of that bracelet on your wrist
I mean, really, how is envy
Something that should condemn your soul to hell
I mean I like my friends TV
But, I know he likes mine as well
Condemning both our mortal souls
For being envious of our tellies
That just does not hold water
Exactly like my wellies
Lust...I know, a good one
It gets confused a lot with love
To me the only difference is
With lust, you wear a glove
Lust and envy...make them one
A piggyback sin, if you will
It's like combining two commandments
Thinking evil thoughts before you kill
I lust for things I can not have
And for some, that would do me in
But, I can't see how lusting for a big tv
Can be a mortal sin
I think that additions should be made
now, while I'm here writing
I think that reality tv is one
To be a sin it is inviting
Hoarding, that should make the list
I mean, most of them are lazy
I think how one defines celebrity
Has gotten rather hazy
Now, sloth...can be removed I think,
Or at the least, re-defined
Today, they're abusers of the system
It's the avoidance of work they say
So, here's what's in my mind
One who's known as sloth like
Avoids spiritual work as well
I say, cut them off of welfare
It's not worth sending them to hell
They'd be getting a free trip there
Again, avoiding doing stuff
Just cut their payments off and then
They'll work and quit their guff
Anger, keep it on the list
Because, it's a good one, I admit
Of all the ones upon the list
I think Anger's a good fit
Finally, we get to Pride
And I'm confused
I think the sin is blurry
And the word is overused
Pride of Man, it is a sin
but, aren't you proud of your young child?
when they go and score a winning goal
This as a sin, I think is wild
I am proud of my home country
And I hope that you are too
But, pride itself, it's not a sin
Aren't you proud of what you do?
Gay people have their pride parade
They are proud of who they are
But, pride itself....come on now...let's
Draw the line, not go so far
Combine the list of deadly sins
With commandments, make an app
Change punishments around a bit
Instead of limbo, give a slap
I think that things are sinful
And I know you won't agree
But, this is how I look at things
It's just me being me
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
Now, I am not a huge man
I'm not large by any means
In fact it is surprising
I still wear normal jeans
My pants don't have elastics
I still use normal towels
But, my BMI stats tell me
I'm a word that has three vowels.
It started just this morning
When I got upon the scale
After getting back my numbers
I felt like a beached whale
Our scale is something special
Uplifitng messages it did send
Today when I stood on it
It said, is it you and your fat friend?
I thought this can't be right
I saw the numbers there
I've gained ten pounds since Christmas
But, I'm damned if I know where
I thought that the old batteries
Just needed to be changed
But, the numbers were the same again
That damn scale is deranged
Most times I eat real healthy
No fried foods and lots of greens
But I keep on getting fatter
And I don't know what this means
I entered all my numbers
My height, and weight increase
And when my BMI was figured
It said "Son, you're obese"
Now, I do not ride a scooter
I wear an xl shirt
But seeing that word on the chart
Well, man....that really hurt
I watch shows on my tv
of people in bad shape
They weigh in at 600 pounds
And to them I am a grape.
My knees may hurt, my back is sore
But that's not from my weight
They hurt from my arthitis
Not from my rotund state
Obese, to me is something
That I swore I'd never be
It's a tag that is real hurtful
And it is one I have to see
Each time I get upon the scale
And then go to the chart
It comes up as obese each time
It really breaks my heart
Now, exercise and I are friends
We met once in the past
But we always seem have a fight
And our friendship does not last
I've tried diets that do wonders
They make the pounds fall off
But after twenty pounds of loss or so
My body starts to scoff
It says "you know you're fooling no one"
"A skinny you's just fake"
"So, come on down off the treadmill"
"And let's go get some cake"
So exercise is not for me
There must be other ways
To lose the weight that I've put on
One I can do in days!
I'm looking for a short cut
To break me from my obese rut
So, I chose Liposuction
Where they stick a tube inside my gut
They said "you are a candidtate"
Like, there was choice that had been made
I knew I had to get the weight off
If I wanted to get laid
They took me in a little room
And had me lie down on the bed
Then they put a tag on my big toe
I said "...in case I wake up dead?"
They said it was to tell them what to do
I said I way 300 pounds,
So if I know, why don't you?
They drew some lines upon my gut
and down on to my thighs
I said don't touch nothing down there
It's exactly the right size
They told me that the lines were just
To show them where to suck
Again, I thought below my waist
And I thought "just my luck"
They said a hose would suck the fat
That my body had in store
I thought, that's only so
I can fill it up with more
They said that it would hurt some
And I'd be sore and bruised
Then they showed me a few pictures
Those people looked abused
I siad, no thanks, I'm outa here
I'm gonna lose it right
I didn't put it on that quick
And I won't lose it overnight
I'll change the food I'm eating
And I'll go and walk a bit
I'll use the stairs a little more
And this time I won't quit
But, as I thought of liposuction
And that really neat machine
To own something that sucks like that
Would be so bloody keen!
Now, I'm working on my weight loss
And folks, here is the scoop
I' dropped two pound this afternoon
I just had a good poop!
Just exercise some caution
If your scale says you're obese
For I'm in this fight beside you
And our weights will both decrease!
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
Every couple 'a years or so
Our family reunites
It takes a couple 'a years or so
To recover from the fights
A family like our'n
Doesn't party like most do
Ours gets a little out of hand
That's why we have so few
It's a redneck family reunion
everybody has a grand old time
eating grandma's cooking
and drinking grandpas shine
You never go home hungry
If you make it home at all
You go home bruised and battered
And you surely had a ball
There's daisy dukes and forty Lukes
They're racing trucks and burning rubber
There's jugs of moonshine everywhere
And at least a hundred bubbas
There's a smoker fired for the food
the size of two large trucks
It hold 4 cows, and fourteen pigs
And at least a hundred ducks
It's a redneck family reunion
everybody has a grand old time
eating grandma's cooking
and drinking grandpas shine
You never go home hungry
If you make it home at all
You go home bruised and battered
And you surely had a ball
There's pickled this and pickled that
And things you just can't swallow
That used to live down in the swamp
Way back there in the hollow
There's at least ten shotgun weddings there
And the groom might be rail roaded
But, the wedding isn't legal
If the shotgun isn't loaded
It's a redneck family reunion
everybody has a grand old time
eating grandma's cooking
and drinking grandpas shine
You never go home hungry
If you make it home at all
You go home bruised and battered
And you surely had a ball
There's greased up pigs and muddy runts
And at least ten bobby sues
and when they all get greased up
You can't tell which is who
There's horseshoe pits for tossing shoes
And games of every sort
Most of them aren't legal
And would get you into court
It's a redneck family reunion
everybody has a grand old time
eating grandma's cooking
and drinking grandpas shine
You never go home hungry
If you make it home at all
You go home bruised and battered
And you surely had a ball
But, it's the way we like it
Drinking shine and acting out
Tossing things that aren't tied down
And wrassling about
There's music there of just one kind
It's country and that matters
Any other sort of sound
Sets the crowd off like mad hatters
It's a redneck family reunion
everybody has a grand old time
eating grandma's cooking
and drinking grandpas shine
You never go home hungry
If you make it home at all
You go home bruised and battered
And you surely had a ball
There's always someone who's so drunk
And it's normally the preacher
Last year we married him off
To the back up first grade teacher
There's Chevy trucks of every kind
And one covered in sod
Mary Lou showed her tattoo
"Jeff Foxworthy is my God"
It's the best time of the year for us
And it's sad when it must end
but, you gotta haul your ass away
When the cops come round that bend
It's a redneck family reunion
everybody has a grand old time
eating grandma's cooking
and drinking grandpas shine
You never go home hungry
If you make it home at all
You go home bruised and battered
And you surely had a ball
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
Another One Shuts Down (Corona virus version)
Gates and boards and reels of wire
Garbage by the gates
Driveway overgrown with grass
The factory is a state
Security checks once an hour
To make sure all's still locked
Another business shut it's door
the economy was rocked
Another workplace bites the dust
Another one shuts down
To find the business district here
You've got to leave the town
They're closing up 'bout one a month
Jobs are leaving by the score
When you leave, turn out the lights
And please folks, lock the door
Work is leaving faster than
It has ever in the past
There's more folks on assistance
How long will this all last?
Fifty years a hundred ten
Factories closing shop
There's more buildings that are vacant
Our growth came to a stop
It doesn't matter where you go
It's that damn covid one nine
If you are not essential
Out goes the "CLOSING" sign
It all comes down to profit
You're a number not a name
It doesn't matter where you go
Plant closure is the game
Another workplace bites the dust
Another one shuts down
To find the business district here
You've got to leave the town
They're closing up 'bout one a month
Jobs are leaving by the score
When you leave, turn out the lights
And please folks, lock the door
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2020
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Roger Turner Poem
The Christmas season is upon us
With lots of things to show
NO THERE ISN'T , YES THERE IS
And the best of them's the Panto
Dick Whittington and Aladdin
Are two that I've forgot
But I've heard that they're amazing
YES THEY ARE, NO THEY'RE NOT
A tradition every Christmas
The Panto finds the kid
Inside every one who witnesses
NO HE DIDN'T , YES HE DID!!
Actors dressed as women
Silly fun for all to see
NO IT ISN'T , YES IT IS
And lots of fun for me
There's nothing like a Panto
To make the people yell
NO IT DOESN'T, YES IT DOES
It's a laugh for me as well
This year I chose my Panto
I'm going to see the lot
So, I will wish you Merry Christmas
I WILL SO, YOU WILL NOT!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND ENJOY THE PANTO IN YOUR AREA.
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
There just isn't enough febreeze
to rid the room of the haze
Of a dog fart, strong and silent
It kind of puts you in a daze
It kind of sneaks in, then it hits you
An olfactory h-bomb in your face
Meanwhile, he just lies there
He's wiped the room with anal mace
There is no middle ground here
They always smell like something died
Like he caught a squirrel in the garden
Now, it's rotting his insides
Dog farts, are a weapon
That our army has not used
In fact I told them in a letter
In their reply, they were amused
"We've tried to duplicate it"
"A killer weapon... stops the heart"
"But, our scientists just aren't able"
"To reproduce a strong dog fart"
"Thank you for your consideration"
"We'll let you know, if we succeed"
"We agree with your kind letter"
"dog farts escape and then they breed"
Sometimes when a dog farts
It makes a noise, he turns around
"my god, I smell incredible"
is the look comes from my hound
So, if you've never smelled a dog fart
And your dog just sneaks one out
Do yourself a favour
Do not feed him brussel sprouts.
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
Husbands, raise your hands
Keep them up if you love your wife
Keep them up if you colour your wifes hair
Okay, this is for the three of us that are left....
I did my wife a favour
As I do, because I can
I help her when I'm able
Not just because I am a man
I kill bugs when requested
I do the laundry like I should
I clean the bathroom when it's dirty
And by doing so , feel good
Every few weeks I will help her
Hide the grey that she can see
I don't volunteer to do it
But it's cheap to hire me
A salon visit is expensive
Doing hair, and waiting hours
I just slip on my latex hand wear
And I have a bag full of super powers
Yes, I help my wife get couloured
I take the time and do her hair
I also, get it on the tiles
Up the wall and on two chairs
The dog gets covered just a little
The rug, a window and the bed
But, we always buy two packets
So, there's enough to do her head
I have a jacket slightly mottled
It's got a few brown spots, some red
I don't know exactly how it happened
I even got some on our bed
Just call me Mr. Kenneth
In my jumpsuit doing hair
I get it where I think she needs it
And I spray it everywhere
She comes out looking gorgeous
She's always happy with the result
She always looks a little different
Like someone who believes in the occult
If you're a husband who likes money
Save it, colour your wife's hair
Your part only takes ten minutes
You need ten towels, one mask, one chair
It brings us both closer together
My arms look like a leopard skin
All my shirts are slightly spotted
But all those spots, make me look thin
I've got to go now and get cleaned up
The carpets ruined, so's the wood
But, she's happy and we all know that
If the wife is happy....all is good!
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
I learned to be stronger
I am better by far
By leaving your orbit
with nary a scar
I'm a better man for it
I'm glad that we met
But, I'm thankful for all
that I lost on the bet
I want to say thank you
For coming into my life
Because now that you're missing
I have found a new wife
If I had not met you
I'd have gone on a course
That might not have ended
With our resulting divorce
I am stronger and nicer
I now know how to share
I do things without asking
And I know to be fair
That I have to say thank you
Because if we were still one
I'm sure that I'd have gone
and sucked on a gun
I want to say thank you
For coming into my life
Because now that you're missing
I have found a new wife
If I had not met you
I'd have gone on a course
That might not have ended
With our resulting divorce
I just had to say this
Thank you for the time
I am now very happy
And have been a long time
I'm a much better person
Than I was when with you
So I feel it is fair
That I tell you thank you
I want to say thank you
For coming into my life
Because now that you're missing
I have found a new wife
If I had not met you
I'd have gone on a course
That might not have ended
With our resulting divorce
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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Roger Turner Poem
The Tale of Billy Flynn
Billy Flynn looked skyward
As the fire slowly died
The embers dancing gaily
They had a hard days ride
He looked down at the fire
At the coals and their red glow
"Better get them horses covered"
"The clouds are bringing snow"
From the back a voice was heard
"You sure, you crazy coot"
He looked to where the voice had come
And he lit up a cheroot
"As sure as we're all sitting here"
"Tomorrow, we'll see snow"
"So, get them horses covered"
"We'll want them warm when we must go"
They'd been out on the trail for months
Now, home was in their thoughts
They'd been hunting down some rustlers
Now, all but two were caught
The two were shot in Texas
In a shoot out first week in
The others caught in Reno
Nearly 21 weeks in
Billy poked the fire
And he said "best keep it hot"
"someone get some wood here"
"I suggest you get a lot"
They finished up their dinners
Billy said we'll leave 'fore dawn
There's someone out there watching
A quick rest, and we'll be gone
He set two cowpokes watching
Tending fire in the night
Watching for intruders
And keeping out of sight
Billy Flynn was old school
A Texas Ranger long ago
If anyone was closing in
Old Billy Flynn would know
"I'm resting now" old Billy said
"I'd suggest you do the same"
"Get the prisoners to the side there"
"To lose them now would be a shame"
He checked on all the horses
Made sure their blankets were pulled tight
Then Billy, grabbed his blanket
And he laid down for the night
In the morning, the ground was covered
It had snowed, three inches plus
The others all were watching
Billy Flynn....he made no fuss
"I could feel it in the air boys"
"The sky was screaming snow"
"I've been out here more than you have"
"That's all you gotta know"
They ate and broke camp quickly
They heard some noises to their right
The men that they had captured
Had friends show up late last night
They were keeping back a distance
Watching, waiting for their chance
While Billy Flynn showed nothing
And helped prolong the dance
"Boys, you'd best get ready"
"There'll be a shoot out sometime soon"
"I figure they'll be coming at us"
"In the open...round 'bout noon"
"Keep an eye around you"
"Move the prisoners to the flank"
"Protect yourself from whatever"
"These men have left in their dry tank"
Billy called it perfect
About five hours on the ride
Six gunmen came upon them
Three came in from either side
Billy took the first one,
Shot him dead, between the eyes
The youngster back behind him
Had never seen a grown man die
It only took two minutes
Thirty seven shots in all
And in the end there was old Billy
Off his horse and standing tall
The six were dead and bleeding
"We'll leave them to the birds"
Two of Billy's men were wounded
And he'd almost lost a third
Two hours on they came to town
Billy Flynn was in the lead
He stopped to get some water
That was all Billy would need
He took his prisoners to the Jailhouse
And his charges to the Doc
Then he went on to the tavern
Ordered drinks from barkeep Jock
This talks of Billy Flynn
And true old western tale
Just hope you never ever
Have old Billy on your trail
Billy drank his beer and walked away
He said "It's time for me to go"
"the clouds are saying one thing"
"But, watch out....we're in for snow".
Copyright © Roger Turner | Year Posted 2018
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