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Noel Mcleod Poem
My Dear Death,
Oh Death, why do you taunt me so?
Why do you toy with my heart?
My dear Death, why do you hurt me?
Suffocating me with your eyes of fire,
Crushing me with your heart of ice.
Slowly dragging me down into your kingdom of darkness and decay.
You wish for my butterfly heart to stop beating,
My warm, pink flesh turn grey and cold.
My silvery, lively eyes lifeless and dull.
Your love is sick and twisted,
Mine pure and innocent.
My dear Death, how you tempt me so.
With your words, like a sweet lullaby.
Your smile, as bright as an exploding star.
Your touch, like an electric storm on a hot, humid summer night.
You make it hard to resist you,
You seduce me.
Captivate me.
My dear Death, I’m falling.
Falling into the darkness that you are so found of.
The darkness crawls onto me.
Overcoming me,
Taking over.
The eternal sleep whispers sweet nothings in my ear.
Claiming me,
Taking me closer to you.
Oh, my dear Death, now I am dead.
Forever in the ground.
Forever in the darkness.
Forever with my love,
Forever with you.
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
Here I am laying in this hospital bed again.
Staring out the window with tears rolling down.
I remembrance of all the promises and plans we made.
I remember your face when I told you, I remember your face when I said yes.
I remember the words you spoke, when you said you’ll never leave.
I remember the panic in your voice, the heartache when I told you.
I remember sitting on the floor, crying in your arms after I told you.
I remember the second day after, you being so weird and off, you never change, you never do anything out of schedule and yet you did that day.
I remember the next time seeing you, you being so distant and cold
I remember when the moments my heart shattered to dust when you uttered a simple sentence.
Here I am, crying on a strangers shoulder, a nurse who is showing me more care than you.
You’ve broke up with me before, left me alone but it never lasted.
You never left me alone for long.
And yet this time, you moved on before we were even over.
You found comfort in another women’s soul, while I couldn’t even find comfort in my own father’s arms.
Here I am dying inside when you’re so happy.
Here I am, begging God to let my love for the devil turn to pure hatred.
Here I am, fighting my nurses and doctors to just stop the meds and let me die.
Here I am being told I need surgery, to remove the decaying carcass from my womb
Here I am, alone and scared, defeated and destroyed, while you’re happy and content.
I’m back in my bed, looking out the window again.
Again so alone, it horribly suffocates my chest, squeezing the breath from my lungs.
Every car I see, every car that looks like you, a stupid hope flies through me.
Every time I see its not you, my heart shatters more and more.
Piece by piece.
Slowly turning to dust.
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
For so long I have fought my monsters in the war lands. For so long I’ve been by myself in the wake of my chaos. Others tried to stand beside but shortly fell or shortly left. Too weak to hold their own.
When I thought I’d be over come, when the war lands stared to fade in the corners of my eyes, and the visions of only the faces of my monsters started to loam over my body, he came.
He stormed in, with all his glory. His armor was far from perfect, it didn’t shine like the exploding sun, it wasn’t unmarked and perfectly placed. It was rusted and dented, tainted, it bared all his battle wounds and shun as dimly as the moonlight behind stormy clouds.
Finally another warrior, finally someone who can stand next to me.
He empowered me, encouraged me.
He stood next to me, standing tall and brave. A true warrior, standing in the middle of the battle, swords in each hand ready to take on anything. We stood side by side, backs together taken in each others presence.
We exchange looks, and in that brief moment; such a hot, fiery passion flew through me. Not only did he captivated me, he took my breath away.
And then the battle began.
We fought, and fought and fought, for what seemed to be an entirety, but we won.
For once in so long, my winter war of chaos seized and calmed, and spring had bloomed.
Oh the glorious time to live and shine, and oh did he ever. His smile was as bright as the sun itself, and the heat that radiated off him melted my frozen heart.
But all too soon, the calm ended, and the war began.
The monsters fought back with more force than before, causing a chaotic wind to whip furiously around me; causing me to fight blindly.
Alone and scared, I tried to fight and lash out.
My screams swallowed by the whispers and howls of the wind.
He was still there though. The warmth of his touched lingered in my body, I could still feel him holding my heart, helping it beat.
He was there, and he was fighting.
Once again I felt myself be empowered by him.
Once again I was able to fight, with every little might in me, with everything I had. I gave it my all.
Soon enough, the wind died down to a gentle breath and the dust started to clear.
As my eyes started to adjust, the dust starts to clear, my wounds trying to close, I saw my opponent.
I saw him.
In the midst of the chaos, he turned on me. It was he, who was trying desperately to knock me down.
I fall to my knees as a small whimper escaped my lips.
“Why?” is all I can muster.
I can still feel his warmth on my heart, but instead of a supportive hold; it’s turned into a suffocating squeeze.
His eyes, once was a crystal blue and as deep as the ocean, is now crimson red and endless.
His smile, oh his smile, that sent a blast of sunlight through my life, is now sickly and twisted with a darkly glow of hatred.
I try to stand, though my legs don’t want to support me. I raise my head, though my tears are visibly seen. For even though I feel so weak, even though I want to crumble, I shall never give him that satisfactory. He will never see.
His smile grew, and he leaped ready for the kill and I was ready too.
I tried to fight, though I had nothing left in me, and he succeeded by knocking me down.
He lashed at me, and I could feel my blood and life gush from my wounds.
I close my eyes as I feel my monsters coming to rip my carcass apart, for my soul had died when he unveiled.
Soon they clear, they retreat into the shadows of where they lye.
Once again I’m alone, though I can still hear his sinister laugh exploding in the background.
He and they will come once again.
And once again, I will raise and fight with all my might
Once again I’ll be knocked down and drained from old and new wounds
Once again, it will still be he whom I’ll cry out for and want. He who I will weep for when the loneliness overcomes and suffocates.
Once again, I shall die a thousand deaths, over and over, in the battle field, just to have a gaze of his presence.
Once again; it is he.
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
I watch the flames from a candle dance among these walls
Loneliness overcomes me, crawling from my stomach out.
The want, the need to hold you once more makes my arms shake
An earthquake of loneliness and pain explode in my body
I stare into the flames and picture you
Picture how you would of looked
Your smile brighter than light itself
Your eyes of crystal sending rays to my heart
You were my northern lights, you would show the way and help center
You were going to be gorgeous
More gorgeous than anything in this universe
Your dimples like mine, deeper than craters
Your laugh, a sweet lullaby
Oh how the sun would turn your hair to golden silk, as thick as the forest cascading your frame as a glorious cape
I run my fingers over my chest, over my heart
The last place your head rested
I close my eyes and imagine your small little body against mine once more
But warm like a summer day
Your breath like a whisper of wind against my skin
Your fingers curled around a lock of hair
I’d run my fingers over your face
Tracing your features over and over again
I’d sing the songs you loved, humming a tune of love
I’d whisper my claims of love, my forever promises and protections
You were our northern lights, you were our everything
You were going to keep us grounded
You were going to make me and others perfect and whole, show us the way
I open my eyes and stare at the flames again
Tears of a creek carry down
I whisper ever so faintly, as I picture you for my final farewell, my final claim
“Mommy loves you”
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
I saw you leave for a trip of discovery
I saw your face alight with such enthusiasm and delight.
You set off, to explore the world around you
***
While you were gone, I witnessed the utmost betrayal to you
From the man, whom in a few short months, were going to exchange vows of forever love
I watched in horror as the events laid out
Dark and cold swirled around Me, clouding my judgment, making me crave the kill
***
You came back from the trip, so happy. I felt sick knowing I was about to destroy you
I opened my arms to embrace the cold and darkness, to over come me so I can go for the kill
I sat you down
I showed you the proof
Those minutes seemed like an eternity
I saw when your world turned upside down, inside out
I saw your heart and soul shatter in your eyes
It was then that the darkness left, and I cried with you, for it’s a pain I know all to well
Though amped for it is you that is going though this
A pain I would take forever just so you do not know it’s lingering existence
***
Your screams and cries howled from your oozing wounds, shaking to the core
You ran and enclosed your self in what use to be your sanctuary, but now nothing but ruins of lies
I sat on the opposite end, listening to those howls and fade away to them
***
After part of the storm of your chaos let up,
I went and saw you. I went and said my final piece:
“It will hurt, it will hurt so bad and you’re life will never be the same. You’ll never be able to trust so carefree, you’ll second guess everything but most importantly yourself. Those wounds will scar and be a forever reminder on your frail heart. Those wounds though, will be gorgeous and you should bare them. They are your battle marks, they will make you stronger in time. My precious darling, my adoring sister, please don’t let him put a veil over your eyes, don’t let him mask the beauty of life. Don’t let him cover your flame of passion. He is nothing more than a speck of dust flowing in the wind, do not make that dust ground you, center you. You will heal, you will conquer and destroy, and you will rise to be almighty and glorious once more, for this will pass. When you don’t feel that you can stand on your own, I’ll be there for you to lean, I will help carry you on. I’ll forever be there to help you fight if you so wish. I love you”
I left this for you my sister, my most precious friend
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
The big house filled with graveyard silence.
Not even the creaks of the floor boards disturb,
Even the wind is a soft whisper inaudible to the human ear.
The door creaks, a thunderstorm explosion of voices; all colliding.
The voices rising up the stairs like starving lions racing for their prey.
I burry my head to get away from the torturous storm.
I look up from my cocoon of sanctuary staring at the stars.
Wishing I could be light years away, just like them.
To twinkle like a jewel in the summer sun.
I close my eyes and imagine I’m up there, while the starved lions scratch at my door.
I realize that I’m the prey.
I’m wounded and they can smell the blood draining from the veins of happiness.
I open the lids of led to stare at those precious jewels as the lions pounce, each on one side.
Pulling and tugging.
Tearing from the limbs.
I drop hopelessly to the floor boards in defeat.
The lions are content.
They stalk away as if they are going to be caught by as midnight predator.
I crawl onto the place I once thought was safe.
I burry my self once more.
As I fade away to unconsciousness, I see a star in the sky shinning brightly and glamorously, just like a jewel in the summer sun.
I close my eyes knowing that when the storm and the lions come again, I won’t be there.
I’ll be with the other jewels shinning brightly and beautifully.
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
Everything is cold, the type of cold that digs itself deep into the depths of your bones.
It’s dark, darker than any stormy night.
The only sound is a small whisper of your frail, little heart.
Your breath comes in sharp but weak waves, tears stain your face like an endless creak.
Your head spinning like a hurricane of emotions and thoughts.
Just when you think you’ll be swept away by your hurricane of chaos, someone rips you away.
All your senses goes numb, it takes a bit to register your surroundings.
It’s him, again.
The one causing all your pain.
He throws you down, and you feel your arms shake as you beat at his chest. You feel that frostbitten cold seep in, with an extra bite of panic and disgust.
You feel ever so weak, but you manage to muster every ounce of yourself you have left and fight back.
He grabs your neck and pushes his monstrous, slimy body against you.
He opens his mouth in a sinister smile, you can see each of his pointed teeth.
You still try to fight, but it’s useless.
His smile grows, knowing what is to come, as you slump in defeat.
You lay there completely numb and distant while he does away with you.
You close your eyes as you run the last bit for tears silently down your face.
You remembrance of the olden times, the warm and safe times.
His howl brings you back to reality, it’s too much to bare.
Everything shatters, your heart goes into a deep freeze, and shatters into dust as he tries to obtain it.
There is nothing more left of, just an empty carcass that’s so tainted with beauty and bruises.
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
My world was an endless cold winter, filled with bitter misery and pain. The type of pain that couldn’t so easily be taken away, the type that ate at the ends of your soul. It was the pain that came and held within, blacking your soul, your existence. Angry winds howled and blew all around, making visibility and sanity slowly vanish.
When I thought I would give up, let the cold sink in and freeze what little flesh I had left, I came across two tinny fires. The wind kept trying to blow them out, but they were strong and fierce and kept flickering their glorious, heated lights. Seeing those sad little fires fight to shine, made me want to fight for them.
I fought against the howling winds, ignoring how it pierced and sank it’s sharp teeth into my face. I helped build the fires large enough that when the howling winds came, they too howled in all their glory. They stood tall and glamorous, heating and warming all around. The snow and ice started to melt, tiny flowers grew in its spot.
New life.
I lay down in the small patch by the fires, looking out to the rest of the frozen world. I see the winds beckoning to me, swirling around and around, whispering my name. I roll closer to the fire as a shiver runs down my spine. I try to bask in the heat. The screams carry on by the wind, sounding more like hisses than whispers.
Opening my arms, I embrace the much needed heat. Begging for it to defrost my bones and heart. I’m am nothing more than a corpse left by the destruction caused from my cruel winters war. My heart aches to beat once more, my bones shake with anticipation to move freely. I bury my face to drift asleep, knowing the fires will protect me. I hear the screams swirling in the wind, a constant reminder that they’ll always be there lurking and twisting.
My pile of bones are over grown with the baby plants sprouting to life. They cover me, wrapping around me, embracing me. The earthly smell fills me, engulfing me. I become a part of them as they are a part of me, infusing into one. I’m being reborn, giving a new life.
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
There is a place so dark and sacred
A temple of shattered porcelain
A place for which you lye
A place I hold you high
Upon a pillar of golden beams of sunlight
You dance so freely and gorgeously
Sprinkling starlight dust onto the broken shadows
You make the darkness shine
You make the ruins glow
You rebuild
For here in this place, for right here in my heart you shall always lye
Creating gorgeous harmony and delight
Right here, in my heart, I shall keep you close
I’ll hold you tight, and bask in your summer heat
I’ll dance along in tune to you, casting the shadows away
For here in my heart, it is you who created the beauty out of my destruction
For this place is you
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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Noel Mcleod Poem
How do you breathe, when the air surrounding you, is black waters? Dark and cold, filling your lungs making it impossible to inhale, suffocating and freezing you.
How do you keep moving on, when the dark tar of old, has you in a grasp of death. Tangling and whirling over your legs and limbs, seizing them, dragging you down from the light.
How do you laugh, when you’re stuck in a hurricane of sadness? Sucking and blowing the laughter from your core, and throwing it too far to reach, leaving the whispers of your tears to dance in your hair.
How do you show your true self? When your forced to wear a mask to façade your happiness while holding back your chaos of hurt.
How do you stop your tears that runs a river down your face? Like icicles, cutting scars down your cheeks for all to see the cold weakness that lurks inside you.
How do you wake in the morning? When sleep is the only escape, trying to keep you in a forever slumber, that calls and whispers to your soul.
How can your heart continue beating, when there’s only little specks left? When your heart was porcelain to start off, has been shattered too many times, and most of the dust has blown away in the wind.
How can you keep pushing the bolder up the mountain? When you constantly live in pain, in all aspects of life.
How can you keep smiling, when that smile was stolen so long ago? A smile once so bright, now dark and cold, and yet you keep on trying.
How do you stop creating destruction? When all you’ve ever known is so little on how to rebuild after destroying, and yet when you do it’s kicked down in front of you.
How do you push through the over whelming fear of failure? When all you’ve ever done is fail in the eyes of Destiny.
How do you keep living, when you tore two lives from your roots? When you hide behind the walls of lies you build around those seedlings.
How do you always let yourself become a second option? When the demons in your head twist around your thoughts making you believe that’s all you deserve.
How can you be so blind? So weak? So pathetic? How do you let yourself feel these things, let the veil of blame cascade your eyes seeping into your soul.
How do you embrace the corruption of the monsters and demons? You’ve never been perfect, but you were so close and radiant until your belief opened its arms to the blackened evil that follows them.
Copyright © Noel Mcleod | Year Posted 2017
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