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Madeleine Loggia Poem
I don’t remember happy
It’s been gone awhile
I smile to convince myself
But it’s like lying on cold tiles
I wonder at which point
I lost my giggle and my grin
When did the switch flip
It can’t be gone because of him
I like to pretend
The truth is a wall of armory
But the words are from a book I didn’t read
The story you told must have been a forgery
Familiar is a script on rerun
And your circus is just passing through
Except your tricks are fancy
Got me lost without a clue
How did you get in
My hustle must have stumbled
Soul searching
Chasing after trouble
What happened to my Peter Pan
He wasn’t supposed to leave
Now he’s off hunting
Going back upstream
The treasure that you're after
It’s exactly what it used to be
The map's the same
You think you’ll find something you didn’t see
Hope floats
And wishes wash away
Some gifts just have pretty paper
But mainly they’re a waste
Wrap your expectations up
Stop running to hide
Turn your back and eliminate her
The other is teary-eyed
Now all I have is memories
Alcoholic dreams
Hazy days that rolled away
Summer heat reveries
I watched you sip my secrets
Mix emotions in your drinks
Let me believe empty security
Nothing more than just a glimpse
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2016
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
I won’t be held captive
You have only single moments
When you’re worth a damn smile
Spread the feel good
Cause you seem to think you’re desired
But it’s funny cause you’re a lie
Deliver the what ifs
Hold onto your maybes
You’re not fooling me baby
Just acknowledge that there’s a feeling
You cloud your mind with hysteria
I’m just loosing out on prayers
Stars aren’t making wishes come true
Cause you’re a nightmare
Just fit to abuse
I won’t let myself be beckoned to you
You just roll through
Answer when the symbol falls through
I can’t blame you for pretending
My offer is just impending
And you’re dishonest and condescending
I’m too available
It’s just I make you a priority
Only that isn’t that pleasing
Drain my veins of your toxicity
I can’t trade myself for freebees
Only then will you realize you’re inability
You’re safe in your lonely maze
Trusting no one
Let even the best escape
I won’t be chained to your boredom
I’ll deliver you some headway
Maybe then you’ll realize you’re a phase
No poetry in complacent
I’d give the galaxy to be you’re safe place
You only crave me when I can’t stay
I won’t let you catch my freedom
I don’t want the casualties
I’d rather roll the dice then be in captivity
You trap my breath
Tug at my weaknesses
I’ll have you know, I fight freely
Can’t burn the gravel beneath your feet
Stomp away at the pebbles
They won’t fancy you’re strategy
Crushed in ashes
You burned the tent we hitched
Only to smell weeds and a heated bitch
Pool out of clothing
The soft skin will have you itching
They’ll just let you dive into the obscene
Guarantees are for the hopeful
Clouds won’t let you see
The sunshine in the little lady
Saunter with the surreal
Splash away the tide
Caught in the wind hail of heaven
Once lost in your eyes
Not to be forgotten in her disguise
She’ll trip you to get a rise
Scrape your knees
Let the blood pool
Someone will have a Band-Aid for you
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2016
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
I like to brake things
Make a mess of this
It's easier for you
To turn your back on me
Eliminate possibilities
Twist it intentionally
Off roading any stability
Calculating probabilities
Plotting destruction
Saw the signs in your eyes
Needed to break free
Building enough crazy to see
Attachment theory
Had you thinking
I was believing
Really just controlling destiny
Found the pressure points
Leaned in, just to see
Worked out seamlessly
Got you running far from me
Warned you I was a wolf
Even if you saw a sheep
It's ok you fell for it
They always underestimate me
It was fun you say
I stopped star gazing right away
Knew you'd inevitably fall deeply
Thought it best to implode it immediately
Happy you think you're winning
Inside I applaud expectantly
Knowing you'd be positioned
Relieved you surrendered blindly
Project thirty
Phase complete
Bye bye baby
Infiltration achieved
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2016
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
There are clouded moments
When I’m inhaling smoke
Suffocating the broken limbs
Hold my breath until I choke
Binding bones with sticks
Just so my heart doesn’t sink
Canvassing the scars and track marks
I carved into myself because of your remarks
Memories are a precious thing
Unless you’re left with blistered wings
Shed the last remaining thing
Thought I escaped the stifling king
I wear Band-Aids like clothes
To protect myself
From the tongue lashings
You aim and fire like sharp stones
Didn’t think I’d introvert more
But the bruising is skin deep
Can’t shake the disdain on your face
That mountain is too sharp and steep
I’m an addict that just aims to please
Slicing off pieces of my worth
Starving my mental sanity
Just so you can feast
Offer me something
I don’t have in me
Don’t pack my wounds with nothing
Then leave me guessing aimlessly
I was born in a storm
Danced with thunder frequently
But you’re a kind of tornado
That just rips through me
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2017
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
When you love someone, you just dive in, recklessly abandoning yourself to them. Love isn’t safe, it’s not always pretty, and it can be devastating at times. But that is what makes it pure; real, it’s what makes it risky, incomparable and unmatchable to any other emotional experienced between two people.
Though still, some see just the pretty; the surface and they know no darkness - the deep end; where the ugly, bad and awful settles.
You and I know these waters.
We have felt the pull of the undercurrent that tries to catch our feet and drag us under.
Sometimes to surrender seems easier than to protest against the grain.
The fight and the struggle against the tide makes for seeing the beauty amidst the most tempestual of moments.
My storm has been relentless, and for the most part you were just a bystander, until you became swallowed by the demons that have me chained to a sinking anchor.
I want you not to have to watch me sink.
But it seems you hold out to me like a crossguard
My hand seems to have been within your clutch for an eternity.
As you pull, I submerge but then I continue to descend because I am tangled in chains that are unyielding.
Here is my weight and its chains; see the ugly like you did, now that you face the shackle. Hopefully the pretty will float up, now that I have gone face down;
I won’t drown on your watch.
Let the untangling begin.
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2017
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
Drawing hope from heaven wells
Sketching tomorrow with charcoal
When did they start trimming stories
Extracting all the tiny pockets of my soul
Yesterday I took a breath
Forgot about you for a sec
Today I thought about you even less
Hasn’t been long but I’m still a wreck
I see you close your eyes
Turn off your mind
Cut all the ties
Even the ones that linked our lies
Didn’t let my halo slip
Despite all the words we said
That dream doesn’t exist
Locked back the angel with 17 clips
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2017
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
Remove the complicated
Untangle the awning
Cut cords, bind the ties
Finally getting what you’ve been wanting
Never saw colors so vibrantly
Frost just melting off me
I’m thawing
Tasting like I’ve never eaten
Cracked my halo
Carve it into horns
I’m reigning free
Like I’ve been reborn
Except happy is a top a slope
That’s slippery
As a mountain steep
Covered in ice sheets
I’ve been hearing lullabies
Like the good is coming
But then the baby cries
And the storm starts humming
It’s guttural and raw
Pure starving beast
I’m demanding like a doe
Fast then slow, then just release
Exit by my pocket rib
Slip through my bone cage
The vest has holes
Makes walking away easy
Remember to breath
My pulse pivots carelessly
Not tracking the rhythm of my feelings
Alarms are sounding warning me
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2017
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
A little bit broken
Mostly bruised
Partly shattered
Mainly used
No more silhouettes dancing
The shadows are lose
The truth keeps expanding
Soon you’ll cut me loose
Soot stained stories
Darkened pilgrim muse
Aged window draperies
Sunlight scars me like tattoos
I’m coding
Don’t resuscitate
Verging on self imploding
Confine me to a crate
Try to hold me down
But I’m going run wild
You got that sweat stained frown
Muddled like we reconciled
Lack there of
I’m trained at solace
The indulgence in drought
Might as well be lawless
Requisition like a grifter
Longing for euphoric
Yet I content to self-gratify
As much a deed as a string tie
My mind whistles
Through the grated cage I built myself
I mazed myself from escaping
Now just another hollow doll on the shelf
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2018
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
Just about to thaw
Then the numbness blankets me
I thought we finally hit our stride
But it’s me who can’t seem to see
I’m the plague
The infection that spreads
Rusting the perfect simplicity
Taking captives and counting heads
I have to tie down the bodies
Make them stay with me
Just a matter of time
‘till they break free and flea
Why can’t I get the story straight
It’s that lullaby baby
You know it, but I changed it until it appealed to me
The one I’ve tortured into a hellish reality
Lay my head down
Wake up stone cold with warm insides
Wrapped in self-hate, liquid fire in my veins
Fumbling to iron out the stains
You can’t cool a feverish obsession
Just want to feel that high low
Addicted to running from rehab
Can’t outrun the shark you owe
I shed my pretty
Let you see the ugly side of me
The problem is now
I can’t hide behind that old reverie
Cast aside like a bad dream
I can’t seem to keep ‘em
They’ll just keep running from me
Because that pretty face has a rotten pedigree
I’m going to watch you drown
I think it was worse then when I clamped down
False hoping like a penny fool junkie
Chin up sweetheart it’s not your crown
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2017
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Madeleine Loggia Poem
It'll never be just words
When the edges cut through me
There's years of mirrors behind those eyes
Nothing is said just casually
Our story was meant to be forever
It's messy but it had authenticity
Can't call back the gravity
That singsong trebles flowed freely
They'll be casualties
Can't retrace the blood shed as easily
Crushed glass beneath my feet
Has my mind just revealing
I keep washing my hands
Scratching away the sins
It's torture watching us
As we come undone it seems
Fighting for the two of us
While a war torn city spins
Bullets blanket the concrete
Casings sprayed inconspicuously
Invisible residue can't be swept away
It's glowing under the pink sky
The sun sets but light filters
Piercing through, to give way
Spotlighting the barren branches
The trees casts shadows
Making skeletons dance free
Risen from the famished gallows
The contempt like a virus
Has chocked the life
The vines remain stagnant
Suffocating what once lived so vibrantly
Removed from reality
Alienated by those that continue to feast
Minding matter that pulses
Strobing from the beast
Did you give up now
Liking that I finally took the lead
Pretending to lament
That we would never fulfill our hopes and dreams
Copyright © Madeleine Loggia | Year Posted 2016
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