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Val Murah Poem
i am a possibility
of many possibilities
i am a ratio
an indecisive factor
in the rest of what this dimension has to offer
the world is a top
i spin it and predict the probability
that the end will equal the means
or perhaps surpass it
even if i never surpass this muck-up
these broken eardrums
and the inquisition of my empty head exclaiming empty words
and i don't even exist
especially to the solipsists, nihilists
and i no longer give a sh--
i am now officially some lazy apathetic prick
oh i could have been a possibility
but that possibility was so small
that you'd need a magnifying glass
and some tweezers
i am rust, oxified and tearing up
i am crust, the sh-- in the ring on the toilet
i am lust, but never just enough
i am bust
i am a loser without a leash and/or choke chain
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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Val Murah Poem
are we crazy or just contrived
lazy or simply self-involved?
are we insignificant, significant
or just like everyone else
deranged on the outside
swimming through dead oceans in our heads
am i death or am i over-simplified
is my breath as thick as the painted eye lashes
that stick to your eyes?
are you in love with your anemia
or anemic to love
breathing came so easy
now you're lucky to get one
mouthful
forever in ruins or ruined to become
pinned to pages or pinned under thumb
like the bleeding nape of a baby
thorough true to yourself
under circumstance we are death-like
only because we know we can
the heart
like a thick abscess of black mucus
pumping sweet death to all who may ask
now clogged with regret
regret for the living
regret for the loving
love of anemia
anemia of love
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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Val Murah Poem
another day gone by
another thirty dead
until we rue the day
"what's exactly wrong with your head?"
please just psychoanalyze
till someone else is gone again
another one in purgatory
another scream to murmur
another fifty murdered
until we can somehow figure
what kind of bliss comes from this
our lives will be spent in belligerence
to the point we're making wagers in
any other lie in this reach for utopia
when do the screams stop
when do we stop dreaming?
i walk right into reality
sit in a seat to the corner
pull up a magazine
read somewhere between the lines
just another thirty dead
what's so wrong with us
what's so wrong with life
why would you want to take it?
why would you ever want to give the cynics any more reasons?
just another day in dystopia
i guess
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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Val Murah Poem
Spent your whole life scrawling runes in the sand
your whole world etched out in tropes
arcs from beginning and end unto skyline
been there done that, I can comprehend you
don't wanna ever be there again though
I miss my time with you
I loose my skin to let some air back in
sinking in at the speed of time
what sound does it make when you stop to look at it
not the steady tick of the clock at all
more a soft scream into the thickening moonlight
I tense at the chill of the megale wind
dead men studying dead men that studied dead men
but who here really wants to live forever
raise your hands and we knock you off
overboard, buh-bye
Hygieia, for the breath in my lungs
Dionysus, for the drink in my veins
Le Moirai, for the lines I've crossed
Tyche, for the lines I shall remain
The blood taste in my mouth makes me wince
it's not overbearing, it's just that
it's barely noticeable at all
so I think of the one and his taste for blood
perhaps not lust, but a form of negligence
The crescent wisp, the knife in palm
striking earth where the crumbs have fallen
yet I meet you here and now
on the waves with no ship
dance of the salt and sun along the northern branch
Mon coeur est triste
j'espère que vous savez mon chemin
ma naissance est une disjonction
entre l'honneur et la famille
Artemis, for the food in my belly
Demeter, for the crumbs in my bowl
Hera, for the woman of my life
Eros, for our love and love alone
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2010
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Val Murah Poem
the soft pattering of feet down the street
the breath of stale air against your neck
don't turn around
i'm not there
the moon beating down rending you restless
you were made for the nightlife, baby
but the masquerader you're dancing with
don't even imagine
i'm not there
the moveable mirror
i tie the knot to the tie
the black suit contrasting
the pale white buttoned shirt underneath
and the day wraps around
waiting on some kind of funeral for myself
everyone is gathered
but i'm not there
sinking and thinking
don't let them catch you blinking
i see you standing outside the restaurant
without a date
i must have been something
if you think about me that much
but i've still got my gin
and my capsule of breath mints/pain relievers
i'm alright
i get outside and see the moon
and i see the reflection there of you
i stand and blow a kiss and smile
within minutes i'm off the driveway
down scott
through alabama
onto holcomb and into marietta
i arrive at her house and knock at the door
you run through my mind for one last minute
then the bubble pops when the door opens
she's all dressed up and ready to go
ready to go anywhere
standing on the street corner
waiting for a taxi
the wind is cold and merciless
you grip yourself and rub your hands together
then to hear a pattering of feet
a touch of stale breath
don't bother turning around
i'm not there
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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Val Murah Poem
what do you do when you feel like dying?
shake it off and say there's always tomorrow
what do you do when you feel like dying?
i'll never be cast below
but i'll never be strung up on the ceiling
what do you do when you feel like losing
when you feel like giving up
when you feel like giving in
to all the things that defeat you
all the things you love
what do you do when you feel like dying?
this is the bottoms up, this is the bottoms down
what do you do when you feel like crying?
let it all out and hope you won't be tomorrow?
what do you do when you feel like falling?
when you feel like drowning
when you feel like diving in headfirst
there's no hurt out there left for me to know
it all just goes downhill, so let me remind myself
i may hurt as much or more as we all do
but we all hurt sometimes, so please tell me...
what do you do when you feel like dying?
sometimes i wish i wasn't so devoid of feeling
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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Val Murah Poem
It's these times the brainwaves' brimming
But there's no cored means to articulate
Hooked at a slant of transcendence
Staring down fat glimpses of life lived through death
It clots red-black, thick in the dropper
Junky blood comes and it goes
The eye of the spike, the swell of elation
Death peals, heart drags, blow outs
Headglows
Don't patronize me
With your long, lean laughs
Stretched skin, smoothed skin
Droning wisps of sour-smelt breath
No-teethed, gumless, bone-grinding
Skeletal rasps
What exactly is it that…
Makes you any better than…
The junky in the gutter groove
We all have our button up, fasten, tie-in, fix
Some just subsist in it, with it
Live it to exist in it
It's high time the wavelengths blurred
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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Val Murah Poem
three lines and i felt
as though i'd thrown away hours
of my worthwhile time
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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Val Murah Poem
Million dollar college fees
Money I don’t have
Money I never wanted
I wonder how they’re going to get it now
Could have taught myself all these things
For free no less
But that doesn’t afford a degree
Nothing I can put on the resume
Who here’s the most qualified?
The biggest dickhead
Why?
Because he has the most confidence
Sucks himself off every night
Duh
I’d kill myself but that would f--k my parents
After all they co-signed, right?
I’ll put myself out there as much as I can then
For every penny I’m f--king worth
But I don’t want a goddamn penny
I don’t want a goddamn thing
This degree’s for them, it’s not for me
It’s so I can get out of their f--king house
It’s so I can leave them alone like they so wish and beg
It’s so I’ll never have to come crawling back for money
It’s so I can eat my own food, live under my own roof
Sleep in my own clothes, die in my own bed
Until then
I’m selling every company something that’s already dead
Think they’re buying?!
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2008
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Val Murah Poem
the bar is crowded
and the smoke tickles my nostrils
i sneeze a few times
then find a place in the front
the band is a joke
lead guitarist sticks to power chords
except the rare occasion
he noodles like an idiot on solos
some old hipster eyeing me
i look at him with a questioning stare
"have a seat," he says
two women to his side
his friends crowded around in the bunker
the round table shakes from shots landing
and the kick of feet and laughter
"what's your name?" he asks
"val" i say and waft the smoke away
"val... isn't that a girl's name?"
his two drunken friends laugh
"usually" i say and reach for a drink
"why ya here val?"
"to meet a friend"
"a friend, huh... where is she?"
"he"
"you gay or somethin?"
"unfortunately, no" i say with a sneer
he doesn't like my tone, but continues
"how long you been waiting?"
"an hour"
"an hour? he's not coming"
"yeah, we'll see"
"you're welcome to stay and drink with us though"
"thanks, but no thanks"
his eyebrows furrow at this and he leans over at me
"look at this kid. doesn't have any friends.
and when someone tries to be a little friendly
he shows just why he doesn't..."
his friends laugh harder, the two women sit uninterested
"look, val. this is my world...
where do you belong?"
my thoughts go sour as i climb my way out
clearing my head on the streets
i make my way for the subway
the walk is long and my feet are killing me
a waste of a night as usual
and thoughts keep going off in my head
as usual
the ride back is empty
besides a big college kid and his girlfriend
the entire time they are making out
but every once in a while they look over at me
and say with their eyes,
"this is our world...
where do you belong?"
Copyright © Val Murah | Year Posted 2007
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