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Megan Lloyd Poem
Am I caught up I ask myself as I blow a fifty on my own.
Never did I forsee myself "Partying" all alone.
Mind spinning wrecklessly now spinning so fast,
too many things to focus on one simple task.
Thinking back to the limits I inflicted on myself for control,
so many...what was I saying? forget it my mind's on a roll.
Oh yeah I remember now what I was about to say,
all that limitation didn't mean squat I broke the last one just today.
Never would I dip into my cash flow just to have some fun,
three dollars and some change is all I had this time when I was done.
Never would clouded vapor from a crystal tube enter my chest,
but why the heck not can't stick out from all the rest.
Never would I slang just to make some cash,
yet I had to didn't I? I was running out of stash.
Never would I see the process didn't care what made it tick,
now I know exactly how to make that cash real quick.
So maybe I am caught up, need to pull myself out,
I don't want this to end up being all I'm about.
So where is the bus stop out of Tweekerville my friend?
I've searched back and forth everywhere end to end.
The bus ride in was simple how quickly it was done,
I was so excited to let loose have some fun.
Mind so clouded now I can't think where I arrived or what time.
oh yeah I was too busy heading for my first line.
A panicked thought comes to play inside my head,
by my racing thoughts my anxiety is quickly fed.
What if it was a one way ticket with no return
why did it take this long just for me to learn.
Oh screw it time to change my state of mind,
I'll quit thinkinhg like this soon as I get to where my joy lays lined.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2007
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Megan Lloyd Poem
My Papa's a "Rockstar" but I never saw his show,
yet people sure would stare at us wherever we would go.
He was the world to me for him my eyes shone so bright,
that was before I knew the diffrence between wrong and right.
Back when as long as he came around hi9s absences meant nothing to me,
for I thought he was just the kind of man I wanted to grow to be.
Innocence blinded me to every mistake taht by him was made,
with that naivety, in the darkness I stayed.
Long after every-one knew my Papa was a "Rockstar", some seeing his show,
I refused to see the depleted ghost of the man I used to know.
But the joyous memories of before became harder to recall,
more of the withdrawing from our normal visits is what I saw.
Distant became my Papa who used to see me everyday,
he needed desperately to find a way out yet couldn't see the way.
More and more I wanted him by my side,
yet with every passing milestone he seemed to run and hide.
Disappointment took way to merely sad expectations for me,
and slowly I came to realize he just wasn't the man I believed him to be.
It seems to me that he once had to be a man filled with pride,
but perhaps when I was young he began his downward slide.
Now as a grown man myself I reminise of a man I once held in high regard,
a man who simply couldn't cope when life came down and hit him hard.
A prospect once filled with potential, hope and uninhibitated ambition,
a prospect who suddenly found himself stuck in a hopeless situation.
I now am painfully aware of what a "Rockstar" is and the substance that is his foe,
and understand and appreciate that I was never submitted to his show.
He was once my best friend, my hero, my inspiration to it all,
I'm glad I have thta memory being as I was too young to comprehend his
greatest fall.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2007
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Megan Lloyd Poem
I know this sounds absurd but I swear to you this is true,
I love to call your house and find the lack of energy tat used to define you.
To hear you say you're lounging instead of running up and down the stairs,
or matching up your knickknacks so they all produce pairs.
It's wonderful that you're sleepy and your vaccume's run just once a day,
how great that our conversations are not rushed we say all we want to say.
Yes to know you crave food more than extra time brings a smile to my face,
doesn't it feel wonderful to relax not participate in the race.
All this makes me happy for you as I can possibly be,
But also I feel gratitude for it makes the struggle easier for me.
To know some one else has the courage and the hope,
helps me greatly when I believe I have reached the end of my rope.
To know some one I love is struggling much the same as I,
helps me to stand tall and tell myself there is no need to get high.
So I thank you for your ambition and admire you for your strenghth,
and know I am beside you on this path regardless of the length.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2007
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Megan Lloyd Poem
I remember the first time I saw him. My heart skipped a beat.
I remember how happy I was.
I remember the first time he made me cry.
I remember promises now broken.
I remember thinking nothing would ever change.
I remember sitting down to figure out when things did.
I remember how crisp the morning air was that day at the park.
I remember how sweet victory was as my ball swished through the net.
I remember my smile as he handed me the flowers he picked.
I remember happiness, peace, serenity, bliss.
I remember his tone as he criticized me.
I remember my confusion at his accusations.
I remember all the tears I cried as my world came crashing down.
I remember sadness, pain, tears, devastation.
I remember when I was number one.
I remember being his Pee Wee.
I remember how comfortable and happy he was with me.
I remember the pain as I immortalized my love for him.
I remember silently hoping I was different.
I remember believing he would always love me.
I remember feeling foolish.
I remember my heart hurt.
I remember how many others have felt this way.
I remember now I should have known better.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2006
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Megan Lloyd Poem
"You'll only get into trouble when you're doing wrong." or so it was said to me.
Problem is until I get caught up I never know how much trouble that will be.
"I don't bother anyone but me and right now I am not bothered." is what I say.
Yet somehow I manage to piss someone off just about every day.
Doing "wrong" is funny because there are so many diffrent views.
Live and let live seems only to apply when it is convinient for you.
People who "live" by this motto are quite often the first to snub their nose.
When you take the time to stop and smell the proverbial rose.
But still I say forget them and all their silly applied little rules.
Any one who only follows the majority will be well known as a simple fool.
I believe I must please only two people to stay happy little me.
That would be my Savior first, then my mother who brought me to be.
And if no one else approves of me, well then that is just too bad.
Don't think even the most audible of disapprovals is going to make me sad.
For let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
What's that now? Oh that's right I must not be alone.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2006
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Megan Lloyd Poem
Never would I have guessed as I spoke to you over the phone that it would be the
last time.
Had I known I may have simply refused to hang up the other line.
Never thought the last time I hugged you I would never wrap my arms around you
ever again.
Or maybe I would have held on longer hoping it would never end.
Never thought I'd run out of time to express to you how much you meant to me.
Because definately I would have told you, you were my only reason to be.
Had no clue that there would be no tomorrow to have dinner at home with you.
Or I would have come over once a day, perhaps even two.
I have been without you and lost for nearly a year now.
People say it will get easier but I don't see how.
Everyday is a happy thought followed by a tear.
Brought on by a memory then the thought that you aren't near.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2006
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Megan Lloyd Poem
Every person can see it is raining, yet only I know why.
It's because my mother can see us now and the rain is the tears she must cry.
What a disappointment all of us survivors must now be.
I know at least a dozen of those tears are reserved just for me.
I've lost all will to do well without her to look at me with pride.
From her heavenly stance she sees all leaving my mistakes no where to hide.
Her husband has given up, relinquished all they worked so hard to maintain.
I know she wants him to pull together do well despite his pain.
My sister is now reckless traveling downward with an influential pack.
My mother must be wondering how so much common sense she does lack.
So while others are seeing merely raindrops falling down today.
I can tell where they are coming from, know exactly what they say.
And each teardrop of rain holds merit has every reason to be.
For the woman who worked so hard to hold us close now can finally see.
Without her we are all failures giving no heed to her time spent.
All her teachings and life work left with her when she went.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2006
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Megan Lloyd Poem
The end of my rope I am very near.
I hold on tighter out of instinct, not fear.
Personally I'd love to just give up, let go.
But three little men depend on me, so the answer is always no.
My life ultimately has no meaning.
That's why I'm so unstable, always leaning.
No one really cares what happens to me.
Without me around no one's burden would I be.
Always I walk alone each and every day.
I am understanding now that it is just to be the way.
I am destend to love only those who will never love me back.
And to mourn and crave all the love and support I lack.
So if it weren't for my little men I would definately relinquish my rope.
So I thank God for their presence that gives me my hope.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2006
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Megan Lloyd Poem
They say that patience is a virtue and I believe it to be true.
Because although it took a long time I finally got you.
So long had the idea flirted with me of the two of us together someday.
So many times I rejected it, pushed the very thought away.
Never did I allow myself to think of you having similar thoughts too.
That's why I never said anything about any of it directly to you.
For so long I have loved you dearly and deeply from close by.
Never having the courage to speak to you barely catch your eye.
Yet somehow we still became close in each other's minds.
And because of that we found a special friendship that's hard to find.
Still we took a while just to be sure it was really true.
And I found not only did I find love but was in love too.
Times got hard then and all contact between us was temporarily lost.
But always I held faith that you were my friend at all costs.
When you stepped back into my life I realized that my feelings were the same.
I knew I had your heart and focus yet to tame.
So again I loved you this time unafraid to let you know.
And slowly but surely your true feelings began to show.
You were definitely worth the wait for you have stolen my heart,
The secret is you've had it always from the very start.
That's just where patience set in and proved the saying true,
Paitience is a virtue and my long waited yet worthwhile reward is...you.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2006
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Megan Lloyd Poem
Funny how life goes on no matter how wrong your day has been.
no one thinks to ask if for you time has stopped or when.
From time to time through out the day your mind forgets what's true,
then a frontal wave and it all comes flooding back to you.
Friendship, laughter happy times began to flash,
I took for granted the best of times would always last.
His smile lit hte room that now seems so dim,
all I ever recieved was friendship from him.
My fond memories shall never slip or fade,
all his debts to humanity are now gone and paid.
All that's left to judge him is the Father to us all,
I hope he can see past the confusion and see the great guy I saw.
Copyright © Megan Lloyd | Year Posted 2007
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