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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
I grew up shooting pool and dancing on the bar
Mama said with enough buise anyone could be a star
Daddy was in the back room chasin' skirts
Mama was in the parking lot dancin' with Mary Jane just to mask the hurt
I've spent my life walkin' around in a cloudy haze
I'm taunted by the memory of my early days
Daddy spent alot of time drivng an eighteen wheeler
Each night Mama brought home a new "sexual healer"
I didn't usually get a chance to catch his name
But it almost always ended the same
I heard her scream as glass would break
My heart would stop with each breath I was scared to take
Sirens and lights flooded our streets as I approached another long night
As I dried her tears and cleaned her blood Mama swore it'd be alright
She forgot to mention that it'd happen again
Both my brothers had thier own bed in the federal pen
Cancer took Granny's last breath right about then
My sisters and I weren't strangers to rape
As we grew older we each seeked our o0wn escape
I guess I chose the hardest road
Somehow I thought drugs and men could ease my burdened load
While hiding from myself I lived a life of crime
I earned a reputation and did my time
I heard her scream as glass would break
My heart would stop with each breath I was scared to take
Sirens and lights flooded our streets as I approached another long night
As I dried her tears and cleaned her blood Mama swore it'd be alright
She forgot to mention that it'd happen again
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2011
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
This piece is dedicated with love to J.E. Gauthier, Jr. Active addict and father.
Only by the grace of God may he be saved from the error of his ways.
For years a dark man walked through a seemingly revolving door
Steadily leaving his wife and kids as he searched for something more
Occasionally calling home every now and again
In his voice they could hear the taint of black sin
Back then life on the road meant drugs money and women far as the eye could see
He said he'd never look back 'cuz he was born free
Life grew emptier as he grew older
The drugs grew heavier as his heart grew colder
His four children left behind with no place to call home
From day one they made it in this world alone
For years a dark man walked through a seemingly revolving door
Steadily leaving his wife and kids as he searched for something more
Occasionally calling home every now and again
In his voice they could hear the taint of black sin
Every few years he'd arrive unannounced offering money and a hug
All while using the garage to hide his drug
His spitting image could smell his guilt a mile away
She rolled her gloomy blue eyes in unison with every false word he had to say
Today his girls are grown raising girls of thier own
December came and went
February turned to Lent
On a stormy midnight he still turns to his blue eyed spitting image
As the clouds clear she is again lost in the scrimmage
She lies awake with a bottle of wine in hand
On her mind weighs a dark man
His ways make him lonely and lost
Yet to her death she will fight for him at all costs
For years a dark man walked through a seemingly revolving door
Steadily leaving his wife and kids as he searched for something more
Occasionally calling home every now and again
In his voice they could hear the taint of black sin
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2011
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
I sometimes get a little crazy and lose control
I sometimes lose sight of whats in my soul
My teddy bear steadily speaks in my ear
Everything in sight reminding me that he's still here
My teddy bear texts just to say, "Good morning beautiful. I love you."
A random call in the middle of the afternoon just to say, "Baby, I'm here to pull you
through."
My teddy bear leaves a silent message everywhere
My teddy bear leaves a desk full of paper and a drink in the fridge
Sayin' baby take my hand and we'll build a bridge
My teddy bear knows which song to play
My teddy bear knows how to make me smile more each day
I sometimes get a little crazy and lose control
I sometimes lose sight of whats in my soul
My teddy bear steadily speaks in my ear
Everything in sight reminding me that he's still here
My teddy bear texts just to say, "Good morning beautiful. I love you."
A random call in the middle of the afternoon just to say, "Baby, I'm here to pull you
through."
My teddy is slowly teaching me to let it all go
My teddy bear is teaching me to let my emotions flow
I sometimes get a little crazy and lose control
I sometimes lose sight of whats in my soul
My teddy bear steadily speaks in my ear
Everything in sight reminding me that he's still here
My teddy bear texts just to say, "Good morning beautiful. I love you."
A random call in the middle of the afternoon just to say, "Baby, I'm here to pull you
through."
I look around and see you everywhere
Every moment reminding me that you'll be there
Your wisdom and knowledge fills my ears
Your presence in my heart says you're still here
My teddy bear My teddy bear
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
I seen your face
I felt your embrace
And it just wasn't the same
I finally walked away without lookin' back to call out your name
Once you were my best friend
Once I swore I'd be yours to the end
But I guess its time to say goodbye
Many of times you have clipped my wings but now its time for me to fly
I still remember all the drunken fights
I still remember all the sad lonely nights
It was constant infedlity
My only prayer was to be set free
Thats not a place a girl can call home
Life is better when I'm out on my own
Sleepin' in alleys, living off dumpster buffets, and seeking dope
Stealing and lying is no longer my only hope
I won't fall for what you have to say
I refuse to cry for you today
I have come so far and moved onto something more
Life is better than ever before
But I guess its time to say goodbye
Many of times you have clipped my wings but now its time for me to fly
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
Lookin' back now to where I've been
I've walked beside the "infamous" to the bloody end
I seen the criminal commit the crime
I did my share and did my time
I led Satan's people straight to the gates of hell
I fed off the scum at the bottom of the well
Just to be awaken in reality's grip drenched in sweat
Yet I can't honestly say that I have a single regret
I made it from the depths of despair to what some may call the top of the world
I've been everything from the "low-life" to the lost girl
Yet I had to walk the line
Decide which path to leave behind
They say there is no hope for the one smokin' dope
I beg to disagree
What about me
In life it be not about what you've done
People care not where you're from
Can't live by what you once were
Can't hide behind fear of what may occur
Release the sorrow
Live like there is no tomorrow
Stand up for your destiny
It takes more than the truth to set you free
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
You say you'll be there til the end
You say you can forgive where I've been
But how much do you truly understand
A damaged girl needs a strong man
There are things that go on in one's mind
Certain memories one may never leave behind
Certain wounds that may never heal
At times I won't be able to tell you how I feel
Moments may come where I force myself not to run
Do you truly see the price I pay for damages done
I feel your gentle touch and see the love in your eyes
But the baggage I carry and the road I walk
How much do you truly realize
I love you within my soul and beyond my heart
I toss and turn missin' you every moment we spend apart.
I become a giddy little school girl knowin' you'll be home
Fall into your arms knowin that never again to I have to live in this world alone
But you must take the time to understand
Lovin' a damaged girl takes a strong man
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
I don't always know how to tell you whats on my mind
I'm slowly sayin' goodbye to the life I'm leaving behind
In my heart I know for sure that its time to let it all go
But baby be patient
We need to take it nice and slow
I carry no sorrows and kee[ no secrets
But baby I'm not ready to move too far ahead just yet
Take a deep breath and actually hear what I'm tryin' to say
If you just take your time I'll let you lead the way
I've got to do this in my own time
Im not ready to shine
Its still my time to live and learn
And only then can I carry the name I'll earn
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
In her dreams she is visited by old Saint Nick
He is here to tell her the miraculous story of Christ
The Star of David was the angel upon the tree of life
Her papa was a little out of sort as he strung the Christmas lights
Her mama was slightly tore up as she hung the cardboard reindeer just right
Grandma was real sick and it was starting to show
Their old "hand-me-down" house was drafty and cold
In her dreams she is visited by old Saint Nick
He is here to tell her the miraculous story of Christ
The Star of David was the angel upon the tree of life
For years they had all avoided this place
Yet a tear stung her eye as forgiving smiles spread across their eager faces
Christ was born upon this day for a reason
Come as you are being the ultimate season
In her dreams she is visited by old Saint Nick
He is here to tell her the miraculous story of Christ
The Star of David was the angel upon the tree of life
She cares not for eggnog and mistle toe
All she asks is that the love may show
For Christ lives on in our open hearts
Let this day mend where we have drifted apart
In her dreams she is visited by old Saint Nick
He is here to tell her the miraculous story of Christ
The Star of David was the angel upon the tree of life
She awakes from her dream and runs to sit beside the tree
Her eyes gleam and this is all she can see
Old Saint Nick has spread the story of Christ
She smiles as as Christmas light shines on the tree of life
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
For thanksgiving mama went to rehab and my brother went to jail
For Christmas Santa brought white jackets and bail
So we decided to make a resolution
Granny swore Christ would be our solution
Then it came summer and my cousin married the preacher
This year for our resolution I think we need a new teacher
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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Sara Beaderstadt Poem
A lonely tear stains my face as our baby girls cling to me
I woke up knowin' that its time for you to go
Fully understanding that this is how it has to be
"Lil Reba" falls asleep wearing one sock and clutching your shirt
In due time I'm sure she'll learn
Right now she's far too young to understand
Daddy's a hard working man just doing the best he can
A lonely tear stains my face as our baby girls cling to me
I woke up knowin' that its time for you to go
Fully understanding that this is how it has to be
I assure the girls that daddy's just a phone call away
If he could Daddy would surely stay
I remind them that he never truly leaves us alone
He too is counting the moments 'til he makes it home
I crank up the music, light a smoke, and consider mixing a drink
I take a deep breath and remind myself that I dont have time to just sit idle and
think
Can't shed a tear
Can't show no fear
A mama's job is to hold down the fort and remain strong
I must keep going even when the road ahead seems too long
A lonely tear stains my face as our baby girls cling to me
I woke up knowin' that its time for you to go
Fully understanding that this is how it has to be
I sometimes send a sweet text
I sometimes write a song
I often pray to God that nothing goes wrong
I try to keep my focus on home and how to better my ways
Yet inside I'm secretly counting down the days
A lonely tear stains my face as our baby girls cling to me
I woke up knowin' that its time for you to go
Fully understanding that this is how it has to be
I keep my phone safely on my hip waiting for it to ring
Gettin' your call is always the sweetest thing
My mind falls to ease as I hear your gentle voice
I'm reminded that you aren't away by choice
A lonely tear stains my face as our baby girls cling to me
I woke up knowin' that its time for you to go
Fully understanding that this is how it has to be
A warm front touches my heart tellin' me that we're not alone
I hear a gentle click as a key in the door says Daddy's finally home
I fall into your arms and not a moment too late
Your love washes over me with a gentle kiss and I remember why I wait
You make life so beautiful and your love feels so good
I remain strong knowing that you would stay if you could
Copyright © Sara Beaderstadt | Year Posted 2010
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