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Sj Portelli Poem
The thought of you reminds me of what it feels like to scream without a voice
To scream and internally feel the words fall deaf
Fall deeper down into the pit of my soul
I despise you, although I’m sure you don’t remember me
The way I feel about you is difficult to put into words
I despise you, although I don’t know you
Holding such hate for a someone I do not know
Hate held for someone who would not remember me
Connected to a stranger by my earliest memory of shame
Dirty, filthy, cold, old man hands
Creeping, stalking, preying on my childhood innocence
It belongs to you now
Since then it always had
Not because you asked for it
Someone as vile as you does not dare ask for consent
No, it belongs to you only because you snatched it
As though it was yours to take
From that moment victimhood consumed me
Fell over me, as if descending from the unknown
Dark, heavy, full, resembling the greyest of rain clouds
Ready to implode at any time
A child could not scream
Who would believe me?
How would I even tell?
I swallowed the encounter,
Took it on as as my own burden to nurture
Mine to carry, I could not remove it
Not with acceptance, nor with time
The baggage gets so heavy sometimes
Even with my now mature body carrying it
It’s a part of me, because I thought I had no other option
I was just a child, barely a teen
Dirty, filthy, cold, old man hands
Groping me under my skirt
I despise you, although I’m sure you don’t remember me
The way I feel about you is difficult to put into words
I despise you, although I don’t know you
Holding such hate for a someone I do not know
Hate held for someone who would not remember me
My earliest memory of shame
Copyright © SJ Portelli | Year Posted 2023
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Sj Portelli Poem
I am looking for a new place to begin again, to start fresh.
It seems I am always looking for such a place,
even when I am okay with where I'm at now.
Others tell me ‘what you seek is within’ and ‘no place will make you happy unless you are content with yourself’.
However, I feel it’s within my nature to want to begin again, and begin again once more.
Like a writer turning over a page, writing a new chapter,
I am looking for a new place to begin, a new story awaits and an exciting next adventure will be written.
I am forever the mountain goat climbing, like my star sign, the Capricorn,
I am stubborn, determined and desperate to succeed.
If not in this place, I will keep climbing until I am there,
wherever there is.
You see, I am looking for a new place to begin.
Copyright © SJ Portelli | Year Posted 2024
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Sj Portelli Poem
Within his moment, I wouldn't change a thing,
my life right now is earnt,
I got here on my own merit,
proud of all the things I've learnt.
Oh but that thought of what if, what an offer!
If I could have one more life, I'd live in a quaint cottage in Tuscany or France.
Morning ritual of fresh brewed tea and the practice of vinyasa yoga on my terrace,
come night, under the full moon, I'd feel compelled to do a wild dance.
I'd go about most of my days wearing a silk red gown, barefoot, while sipping local wine,
of course, only from an antique chalice.
And in summer, I'll prance around like this through the fruit garden.
Personally, I'll be nice, never bitter, not a drop of malice,
Still this me wouldn't feel bad if she cancels plans without a pardon.
Of course, I'll take you with me in this life too.
We will live with many animals,
Owners of our own ***** little country zoo,
Five cats, at least, a runt pig, and three goats.
No children, there is no need,
They would just take up extra room and head space,
plus you, I and the animals are enough mouths to feed.
Each night a home cooked feast, a delicacy, laid out on a cloth of periwinkle dyed Chantilly lace.
When not on the terrace, in the garden or laughing with you, I'll keep busy teaching myself health benefits of herbs,
Focusing on maintaining our inner youth,
While telling you I love you with oh so many words,
Strung together eloquently, spoken with truth.
Together we would be so boring,
living only for each new day,
and grateful for every morning.
Waking up in this second life sounds kinda like engorging.
Copyright © SJ Portelli | Year Posted 2024
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Details |
Sj Portelli Poem
i’m here, nor there, sometimes everywhere
a storm brewing
inside i’m darker
i’ve sailed these seas before
repetition becomes habit
take me back to simpler times
an early childhood memory
just one day when i didn’t allow myself to be consumed
by ruminating
i collect my thoughts
after time i realize the tea is hot, and it makes me anxious
and that i’m really just a hoarder
a collector knows what she likes to collect
to hold onto what’s fallen behind you can kill you
i don’t want to be stuck, but how does one move forward?
some days i wonder why i envy the pretty sunflowers
to be authentic is a destination
the shadow self wants to dance
the land though the wardrobe
i’d like to see it one day
I’ve stopped caring if the world likes me
with age comes a ‘no ****'s given’ attitude
red mohawk
punk rocker girl i don’t think about you too much
try hard, or don’t try at all
either way, the end is coming
Copyright © SJ Portelli | Year Posted 2024
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