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Haley Nichols Poem
I used to blame myself
For your absence in my life
I thought maybe you didn’t love me
Maybe I was right
Your in my life always leaving
without a care
But i should expect that from a deadbeat
A deadbeat who never cared about anyone
Except maybe himself
As your child
It should be my instinct to love and forgive you
But I don’t
It was you self pity
That made you leave me
I’m 13
You’re 38
That’s not my fault
You’re a grown man
Isn’t that an irony
I’ve had to take care of you
When you should be taking care of me
When have to be in adult dippers
I will leave just like you did
Because even thought 2 wrongs
Don’t make a right
Logic has left my mind
I scream
I’ve locked my self in the closet
Am I bi
Or trans
Or straight
Or boy
Or girl
Or all
Or none
Nobody gets it not even my mom
The second you ban me
From doing what feels right
Is the second you’ve crossed that line
You can’t half support
You love me for all
Or hate me for none
Nobody speaks my foreign tongue
It’s foreign to me too
But I can make out bits and pieces
They can’t
This is what you caused
You say I’m sorry baby I love you
I say I love you none
I will no longer hold my tongue
These words are meant to fly
They will be gone
Faster than the wind
I’m treated like
By my mom
By you
By Brad
The difference is YOU
Are my ing dad
You are supposed to be here
Not snorting crack off
Some random strippers ass
I can’t bare the thought of you
I don’t know the smell of you
The feeling of you love
But I do know it’s not warm
It’s cold
Kind of like the night
When you scared me so bad puked
The night you tried to run over mom
The night your drug dealer punched me because YOU
Made a remark then used me as a tool
Either way he would’ve beat your ass
This time though
His punches landed on me
I don’t love you
You don’t love me
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
Daddy’s little girl always heard “Beauty is pain” I guess that’s why she wanted to end in vain. Because at least then the professionals could make her corpse pretty. And death by my hands would be pain, and pain is beauty. Daddy’s little girl always heard how she could “eat like a man,” and how “that’s not good for a girl” I guess that’s why she stopped eating, or at least she tried, because that damn food was the only thing keeping her alive. Daddy’s little girl strived for perfect. But perfect wasn’t worth it. Perfect was never perfect because no matter how many A’s there will still be a B or C. No matter how many days i felt perfect, there was still a time not so long ago. Daddy’s little girl is getting compared to a yellow light and a ignored stop sign. Daddy’s little girl knew his vision of perfect was simply unachievable. Daddy’s little girl isn’t so little. Daddy’s little girl knows deep down inside that when she closes her eyes the monster are still going to come racing inside the spotlight in her ing mind. Daddy’s little girl knows she was never actually daddy’s little girl because daddy’s little girl wasn’t his. Daddy never tried to understand her mind because it wasn’t his to care, Daddy never tried to figure out why his little girl wasn’t holding his hand because it was one less burden to care. Daddy little girl knows she was NEVER perfect enough because for every goddamn thing she does there are 19 others she failed. Daddy’s little ing girl knows one day when he dies she will cry because he never built a relationship. Daddy’s little girl tries to be his all but he’s putting the relationship through a wall. Daddy’s little girl has given up. The question is will he even try to get her up?
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
All the pretty lies
That fill my brain
All the pretty lies telling me
I’m insane
So i take a blade to my arm
Then wear hospital socks to hide the scars
Disassociate as to not raise alarm
All the pretty lies you fed
Telling me I’m better off
Dead
All the pretty lies
you thought me
Told me me can harm me
So i let him in my bed
In my head
Father words
Telling me not to fight
So i laughed
And giggled
And sent him pictures
He then used to get me to vape
Momma doesn’t know
i used to use
All the nights she
used to ask why I’m so tired
All the nights she asked about
“That new bruise”
The one that came from you punching me
All the lies you fed
Are the reason
I will be dead.
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
Look me in the eyes
Look for me in the night
Run me into the dirt
Make me hurt
Make me crazy
Call me ing insane
Yet you’re the one who who drove to crash the plane
Don’t think
Don’t speak
Why am I so ing weak
Don’t eat
don’t eat
DON’T EAT
Was it you or was it me
Why did you drive me to insanity
Where am I
I zone out and walk into the road
It’s a death game now
Pick CHOOSE
Win LOOSE
Why was it me
Why did he leave
Why did he let a man punch me in the teeth
Don’t move
Don’t breathe
Don’t come
Don’t leave
I’m indecisively deciding to plea
Oh listen to me
Look me in the eyes
Please find me in the night
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
Look out for the men who claim murder
Look out for the politians who claim wrong
Because those are the men driving women into walls
Those are the men making women
Give themselves miscarriages
I was told to look out for the boogieman
Who will tickle my feet
But the real problem
Is the men forcing women on their knees
Who tell a 14 year old not to eat
The same exact man the grooms a girl in the classroom
The same men that chain a women up in their basement
The men who claim murder are fake
The men who claim murder are the same ing men
Who dedicated a day to raping us women
The damn men who claim murder
Are the same ing men who make me not safe
Because the men who claim murder
Hide under our nose
They are the ones
Under our bed
Around the corner
The who claim murder are the same men
Who go home and beat their wife
The men who claim murder
Are the same men cat calling a 19 year old girl
Trying to support the child
Of which she wanted to abort
The men who claim murder
Create abusive homes
The men who claim murder
Don’t deal with a child kicking the inside of his gut as for 9 months
The men who claim murder are oblivious
To the world around
They are more worried about the women
They just knocked out on the ground
They are more worried about what doesn’t affect them
Because the men who claim murder
Are the ones who ed the world
So don’t listen
To the men who claim murder
Don’t listen to a word
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
What happens
When the ones you love
Become the one you
Hate
And to them
Your a living
Breathing
Disgrace
Can you stand
To live
In that place
Parents
Always fighting
Depression
Always rising
You have no choice
Dare to use your voice
Will other boast
About your
Silence
Wishing other were too
So you hide in your room
Knowing nothing of what to do
So you pick up the broom and sweep
Maybe now other will see
Maybe now you can plea
Oh listen to me
Speaking frantically
So maybe now you’ll listen
But you say
It was all a mistake
And shake you head
Call me a disgrace
Now were back where we began
Now i drop my head
And sway
We were so lost in the moment
Could bare bare to own it
All my words were fake
At least to you
So you gave me the shoe
That caught the flu
Some maybe I’ll get it too
But instead i went
Completely out of my mind
Oh my family
And the wonders they do
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
What mama don’t know
Wont hurt her
Until I’m found dead
What mama don’t know
wont hurt her
Until there’s I’m bleeding
On my bed
What mama don’t know
Wont hurt her
Until there’s a bullet in my head
What mama don’t know
Wont hurt her
Until I’m forever dead
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
I hate the feeling
Of thinking I’m here
But I’m not
Of think somebody’s here
When they aren’t
Of having my life blocked in by a snowy window
The crisp February air whistling by
This sound this feeling
Makes me want to die
But she following me
Haunting me
She stalking me
I don’t have energy to try
I don’t have energy to run
I was tripping on this Prozac
Taking away my busted fate
Does every depressed person take these
I sit and think
My first cut wasn’t as deep as the rest
A small little welt across my chest
But it was intoxicating
Like an addict drawn to a pill
I was drawn to harm
The razor blade took a score
The blood was dripping down my shoulder
But I needed more
The looney bin is where i wen t
Full of a ton of scarred up skin
Some who drank
Some who took to many pills
Some who got high for the thrills
We all ed up but in the end
We are ed By the fate of this
Cruel
Deathly world
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
Nobody knows i hate weight
I pull up my hair
And see an ugly face
Nobody knows i hate weight
Because in sneak moms pills
To loose it
Nobody knows my weight because i lie
“Sure I’m 125”
That’s all i want
So i starve and pop those pills
Maybe now
I’ll be loved
Small on the waist
Think in the hips
Big ass
Big boobs
Small thighs
No muscle
That’s what they want
Nobody know my issue with weight
They wont until the day i fade
Because i took one to many weight loss pills
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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Haley Nichols Poem
I look at the starry sky
Another day
Passed me by
Another day
I’m getting older
More
Piles on to my shoulders
The world rest on me
The stars fly high
I’m losing myself
Putting it on shelf
To help others who can help themselves
But i let it pile on
It’s mile high
Using me to reach the sky
I can plea
But they don’t bother with me
They listen to me
Another day gone by
That i put away my values
To be a better person
I don’t want them to fumble
So I become a base point for them
I pile it on
And sing a song
Of fake
Mabey the next day
I’ll stop and give it away
Oh crap i missed another day
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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