Dead Beat
I used to blame myself
For your absence in my life
I thought maybe you didn’t love me
Maybe I was right
Your in my life always leaving
without a care
But i should expect that from a deadbeat
A deadbeat who never cared about anyone
Except maybe himself
As your child
It should be my instinct to love and forgive you
But I don’t
It was you self pity
That made you leave me
I’m 13
You’re 38
That’s not my fault
You’re a grown man
Isn’t that an irony
I’ve had to take care of you
When you should be taking care of me
When have to be in adult dippers
I will leave just like you did
Because even thought 2 wrongs
Don’t make a right
Logic has left my mind
I scream
I’ve locked my self in the closet
Am I bi
Or trans
Or straight
Or boy
Or girl
Or all
Or none
Nobody gets it not even my mom
The second you ban me
From doing what feels right
Is the second you’ve crossed that line
You can’t half support
You love me for all
Or hate me for none
Nobody speaks my foreign tongue
It’s foreign to me too
But I can make out bits and pieces
They can’t
This is what you caused
You say I’m sorry baby I love you
I say I love you none
I will no longer hold my tongue
These words are meant to fly
They will be gone
Faster than the wind
I’m treated like
By my mom
By you
By Brad
The difference is YOU
Are my ing dad
You are supposed to be here
Not snorting crack off
Some random strippers ass
I can’t bare the thought of you
I don’t know the smell of you
The feeling of you love
But I do know it’s not warm
It’s cold
Kind of like the night
When you scared me so bad puked
The night you tried to run over mom
The night your drug dealer punched me because YOU
Made a remark then used me as a tool
Either way he would’ve beat your ass
This time though
His punches landed on me
I don’t love you
You don’t love me
Copyright © Haley Nichols | Year Posted 2023
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