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Julie Brown Poem
If I could personify my heart
I would see a lost, young girl
though her face seems child like and naive
her eyes are wise and cautious, aware of the world.
She stands near the edge of a cliff
the frothy chilled ocean beneath her
confused and scared, she looks back
at the path that made her reconsider...
The trail through the trees is quiet
the gravel full of regret
the safe ground is fear and uncertainty
the gentle breeze, lonely and unable to forget.
She faces the ocean again,
preparing to make a wish with a token,
when she sees her lover, standing on a bridge below
with his strong arms wide open.
"Fall for me, Love," He shouts over the waves.
His love and smile are bright
"fall and I will catch you."
He patiently waits all day, all night.
"...And if you miss," She yells to him
"I will surely suffer," with sadness in her reply.
She gazes past him to the dark ocean
and relives past mistakes with a tear in her eye.
She's jumped this cliff before
fallen into past loves' strong hold.
More than once, she fell again
into the heartache filled ocean, so cold...
She feels the scars on her body,
physical reminders of emotional pain.
The plunge into the cold isolation is horrible;
unbearable is the desire to remain...
It takes courage and strength
to get out of the dark sea,
climb up the cliff face again and again,
to reach the plateau of numbness and safety.
"My love, I could never let you miss," he says.
" Don't you know the joy of your heart with mine, alive and on fire?
Burning like the sun, singing for me
with love in your eyes while you glow with desire?"
"My love, I am yours, from now until forever.
Have faith that my heart is true.
After all, when I fell, you caught me.
Now jump, sweet love, and let me catch you."
If I could personify my heart,
I would see a woman filled with love, hope, and charm
running towards the edge at full speed
and smiling like the sun as she jumped into his arms.
10-26-2009
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2010
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Julie Brown Poem
It’s all come back around again
From friends to lovers and back to friends
And though we may try to pretend
We both know this game has to end
Though my heart is wrapped in yours so tight
And I think of you constantly day and night,
Try and try with all our might
Truth and reality must shed its light
Our responsibility outweighs our desire
Even while we play with fire
But my heart is balancing on this wire
And to me the circumstances are dire
We can’t go on pretending its okay
And I know we both want to stay
But it will never work this way
I am weak, please be strong and walk away.
Be dignified and say you’re free
Enjoy the peace and sanity
Find someone that lets you be who you want to be
But please don’t forget to think of me
Just know that in my heart you'll always be mine
And although life has given us bad time
I’ll always love you and I won’t ever mind
Forever yours, forever thine
07-21-2009
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2010
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Julie Brown Poem
I see you hurt
And there's nothing I can do
Oblivious and self involved
Yet aware of the pain i'm causing you
Because I am the villain
Because I am the bad guy
So wrapped up in my own agenda
Knowing i'm the one who makes you cry
I'm standing here numb and guarded
Preparing to walk away
While you lay there cold and wounded
Begging me to stay
And because i'm the murderer
I've killed your heart
I've left you the victim
Wondering if you will ever restart
Deep inside I feel regret
For hurting you so
But never will I look back
Always forward I will go
For I am your villain
I have ruined your hope
I choose to leave you empty
But secretly I pray you can cope
I must pursue my life
Villains have needs too
Even though I may be bad
I still deserve something true.
03-14-08
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2010
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Julie Brown Poem
Bad Butterfly
Am I blinded by my future
or jaded by my past?
maybe I was in denial
to think that this would last
I'm sitting away from you
giving you a blank stare
while you're inching closer to me
praying for me to care
All I can think at this point
is " screw my messed up mind"
for realizing the truth I hid all along
never really wanting to press rewind
and look back to all the crap
the hurt, the pain, the tears
and i'm pissed at myself
for thinking I was happy all those years
cliche as it is
the old saying holds true
for in this situation
its me, it isn't you
its me that let it go on this long
its me that held onto thin air
its me that hurt and suffered in silence
its me that held the pain to bear
and now I choose to look forward
and I pass my pain to you
because it has to go somewhere
not because I choose to
get mad, be angry
hate me for walking away
but realize its better for me to go and be happy
than to be miserable while I stay
I will always be the bad butterfly
weak and helpless at the start
who grew strong enough to fly away
and left you with an empty heart.
03-17-2009
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2010
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Julie Brown Poem
Love is a Serial Killer
One lazy Tuesday afternoon
I was walking towards my car,
When I noticed a man looking my way,
Staring at me from afar.
He walked to my side and said "hello."
“I think we're in the same class,
And the way you always answer right,
Kind of makes me look like an ...."
"If the shoe fits," I replied with a smirk
But I felt the tremor in my voice.
He grabbed my hand and led me west,
I was too stunned to remember I had a choice.
He took me to a park not far from school
Where we sat and talked it seemed for days
I was mesmerized by his velvet voice
And captivated by him in every way
We met everyday for quite some time
Taking in his voice, laugh, and touch
My soul and heart were mesmerized
And I knew right off I wanted him too much.
"Oh, I love you girl," he cooed to me,
You’ll never know what you're worth.
You’re the only one I'll ever want,
You’re the loveliest thing on earth."
His love for me was a very strong drug,
Sedating me and numbing my senses.
And as I fell asleep he whispered to me,
"When you wake, we'll drop all pretenses."
I was confused and bound when I woke up,
Disoriented to say the least.
He noticed I woke and walked towards me saying,
"Ahh yes. First I plant, and then I feast."
He started by revealing the truth to me,
And with every lie I felt intense pain.
His words and cruelty cut deep and wide,
And he whispered, "Your loss will always be my gain."
He tore into me with every word,
His disinterest knocked me down.
His insults ripped my skin, and he said
"Every princess I've conquered has lost her crown.
They’ve begged and pleaded for me to stop,
And with tears for me they'll all drown."
I saw the knife and felt relief,
At least the pain couldn’t last.
He toyed with it, then set it down,
Not wanting to finish me so fast.
"Just so you know, princess,
I never loved you." he lifted his knife once more.
He smiled at me, and stabbed my heart,
And laughed while my blood dripped on the floor.
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2010
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Julie Brown Poem
Gentle heart heal me now
Hold me until the pain goes away
Kiss me until I am well again
And with you I'll always stay
You fill me with great joy
I am blessed to have you near
I only hope I can love you enough
Losing you is my greatest fear
I was so lost when I met you
I didn't think I would survive
You have helped me grow so much
You've given me a brand new life
It's amazing how we've made it
Through all the hurt and pain
It's hard to believe we've overcome it all
And love is what we stand to gain
Thank you for standing by my side
Even though i didn't deserve your love
Or your forgiveness or trust
It's more than I could ever dream of
I make it my solemn vow
to try and be the perfect wife
I'll do the best I possibly can
for all the days of my life.
8-21-08
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2009
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Julie Brown Poem
Rain falling on my heart
Wind blowing through my soul
Tears rolling down my face
Missing parts that make me whole
Evil dreams haunt me
They linger in my waking state
And though I have many blessings in my life
the sadness stays with me; lying in wait
Searching for a hole to dig into
Someplace it can find in me
To tear down my happiness
To set the sadness free
Free to destroy my soul and mind
And wound those around me I love
I pray to stay well and happy
But I know sadness fits my heart like a glove
I do everything to fight it
Optimism is my best defense
I am thankful my blessings are many
And to have darkness overcome me now just doesn't make sense
But I know misery is waiting
Patiently for the perfect time
To creep up silently inside me
to kill me from the inside-
The perfect crime.
So save me now from myself
keep me happy and well
Though i'm free from my chains
For now-but can I stay free forever?
Only time will tell.
8-21-08
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2009
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Julie Brown Poem
climbing towards serenity
a distant glance from harmony
longing for eternity
give me wings so I can be free
to sit upon a mountaintop high
and watch the sun set in the sky
and i feel a rain drop hit my thigh
close my eyes and silently sigh
then i open my lids and glance around
sadness consumes me without a sound
the freedom and peace is nowhere to be found
in its place, my tears, dripping to the ground.
will i ever get the chance to soar
the wind in my ears a beautiful roar
and the precious hope of finding much more
the thought is enough to keep me fighting my war.
06-18-09
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2010
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Julie Brown Poem
If I gave myself a chance
Like the chance I gave you
Would I deceive myself
the way you deceived me
If I loved myself
The way my friends loved me
Would I see the things
They see in me?
If I cut myself a little deeper
Would the pain be too much to bear
Or would I hide my sorrow behind a smile
And fight off a friend's knowing stare
If I didn't wake up tomorrow
Would anyone notice I was gone?
Would they bury me in the ground,
Say a prayer and move on?
If I could hear their thoughts
And know exactly how they feel inside
Could I trust that they love me
And not have to hide?
If I could let the past go
Leave all the pain behind
Could I start all over
And heal my hurting mind?
09-12-2006
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2009
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Julie Brown Poem
why would you bruise me
what possessed you to use me
how did I betray you
When did I mistreat you
How did I betray your trust
What caused you to fade away from me?
I worked so hard to be there
And in the end you don't want me to be
all of a sudden we're not cool anymore
whatever was left of our friendship is falling apart
i'm confused because there's no reason
that I know of to break this heart
Tell me what I did to you
To make you believe
That i'm out to get you
And the only way to stay safe is to leave?
I trusted you, I thought you trusted me
What did I do to make you give up on us
All we worked through to be friends
is so easily run over by this bus
Apparently it just doesn't matter to you
So just walk away
Go ahead and burn this bridge
And once again enemies we'll stay.
10-15-07
Copyright © Julie Brown | Year Posted 2009
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