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Olivia Murray Poem
This is a note to mummy.
To say, ‘thank you so very much’.
I will miss your sweet kindness,
And your soft, warm touch.
As you lie there in your bed,
Smile as you read this,
Goodbyes are very hard,
But cherish my one last kiss.
You were my everything,
And, yes, you still are,
And when you are in heaven,
Hear my voice from afar.
Thank you for all you’ve done for me,
For loving me so well,
No one, not anyone
Can break our little spell.
Our spell is cast on hope,
Trust and perfect love,
And when you see the lord,
May he greet you with his dove.
Oh, mummy, please don’t go.
Don’t let cancer take you,
But if you really, really must,
I’ll say my final goodbye.
Daddy sends his love,
Well, he would if he only knew,
But I was afraid to tell him, mum.
After what he did to you…
So, as you lie there in your bed,
And as you slowly die,
In my prayers, you will always be,
For I am sure to cry…
Copyright © Olivia Murray | Year Posted 2009
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Olivia Murray Poem
If summer is no longer summer
And the leaves begin to fall-
Prey, I no longer love you,
And I’ll call your name no more.
If I’m found amongst the leaves,
And the rain falls from the sky,
Prey-let me sleep.
And please, don’t ask me why.
When the night curls round me to sleep,
And when it silently dreams
I lay awake in solitude.
So lonely, and torn at the seams.
I cannot see the beauty,
So I lie amongst the leaves.
When you find me, my love, I prey
Kneel and sing a song for me.
But now, summer is summer,
And I am not asleep.
So take my hand and walk with me.
For your love I am sure to keep.
Copyright © Olivia Murray | Year Posted 2009
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Olivia Murray Poem
Looking back, I can see the footprints of my life.
Stained with blood, their path is unsure,
staggering like a wounded thing.
I sit cross-legged in the sand.
What is this life I have led so far?
Am I here to sort everyone’s pain but mine?
If so… why does it never work?
HOW is it that everyone I know takes their life?
Or at least… they try.
I take the knife in my hand.
On reflection… I suppose it’s my entire fault.
The way I’ve broken their spirits.
The way their dull eyes stare back at me.
Begging me to release them from their pain.
Look what I’ve done!
My reflection in the blade makes me wretch.
I stare. Stare into nothing.
The wind blows harshly, tearing at my face.
Assuring me I’m the wrong doer.
Caressing my cheek with it’s icy blast.
I put the cold blade to my wrist.
My own selfish needs got the better of me.
This result is not worth their lives.
I’ve failed so many times before,
Tell me, Lord!
Why should I stay?
I cut. My crimson pain in unleashed from my veins.
Tears fall and mix with my blood.
My head spins and the world seems bleak.
This entire sphere of eternal struggle.
Hitler was right…
Those who are weak do not deserve to live.
And so I put myself out of my misery.
My staggered path ends here.
In one bloody mess,
I lay sprawled on the charred, dusty road.
I won’t thank you, Lord, for giving me life.
I’m just so sorry…
For all I have done.
Copyright © Olivia Murray | Year Posted 2009
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Olivia Murray Poem
All I want to do is drown in my sorrow.
If not, I’ll drown my sorrow.
If that doesn’t work, I’ll drown myself.
Either way, some part of me has to die.
I can’t go on like this…
What is expected of me is something that is beyond my reach.
I won’t even get to the top of a mountain if I reach for the stars…
No. Never. Not ever.
So I’ll find my answers at the bottom of this glass.
Or the next one.
Or the next one…
Either way, I’ll drink some more.
I’ll be fine.
I don’t care.
But you… you won’t dare.
Yes, you’ve seen it all before!
Your friend died the same way I am sure to go.
But there’s a difference.
I’m not like them…
Those wretched people who claim to be decent,
But when you turn away they curse you and mock you for who you are.
But I’ll be here as usual.
Drowning in my sorrows.
Or drowning my sorrows.
Or drowning myself…
Either way, some part of me will be dead.
And you’ll be here still.
Wishing you helped me earlier.
Just you see…
Went to school today.
But I got sent home.
I was found in a corner on my own.
An empty bottle said it all.
All I remember is they were laughing.
Laughing at my stupidity.
But I’m not stupid. I tried to be good. I tried! I tried to ask for help…
But even when I try, it never seems to work.
No. Never. Not ever.
So I’ll just sit here
Drowning in my sorrows.
Or drowning my sorrows.
Or drowning myself.
Either way, if you wait a bit…
I will soon be dead.
Copyright © Olivia Murray | Year Posted 2009
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Olivia Murray Poem
It was a cold winter’s eve,
The stars had been scattered across the night.
I lay there, for I had tried to take my life….
The crimson against the snow glistened like liquid ruby
As the…
World …
Began…
To…
Spin…
Closing my eyes, I heard your footsteps in the snow.
You pulled me to my feet and wiped away my tears.
But I could not look at you, for
Although my voice cries for redemption,
My soul begs for deliverance,
And as you swore I’d be okay,
The sight of my blood in the snow
PROVED…
YOU…
WRONG…
You saw me the other day, broken on the floor,
My wrists slit, choking as I begged the Lord to let me go…
You stood there and watched me, waiting for me to pick myself up.
I did.
Slowly, I seemed to recover as you held out a hand.
I took it.
Never again…
For since you put the water to my lips, I swear you gave me sweet poison,
Then you gave me a rose.
A black one.
“To give you courage,” you whispered in my ear as I held onto you for sweet life.
BUT LIFE’S NOT SO SWEET, BE WARNED!
You sweep the hair from my face as the icy wind blew harshly on my skin.
You smile at me, but again, the
World …
Began…
To…
Spin…
You let me fall to the cold ground,
I gasp as the pain shot through my wrists,
My cold, dark blood began to curdle to ice.
I began to cry as you knelt beside me.
You took my dying head in your hands and kissed me.
“I love you.” I choked.
You smiled cruelly and lay my head in the snow and throw the rose onto my chest.
“Fare ye well.”
I reached out my hand as your blurred shadow walked away.
I called out your name, but you walked on.
I got to my knees and crawled three steps,
But….
….I collapsed
In the snow,
The ice hit me hard.
Darkness,
Then-
Copyright © Olivia Murray | Year Posted 2009
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Olivia Murray Poem
Icy cold is the time we froze.
The world stood still in awe.
Icy cold is my heart you held.
Cupped in your hands,
My love, I trusted you…
Such passion seeped through the crimson ink
As we forged our love on paper.
The same fire burns in me yet.
But one day…
I will let it die.
We were in love, the world didn’t matter.
In fact-it didn’t exist.
But now you’ve gone. Left me here.
Cold. Broken. Alone.
And yet… I wait for you.
Perhaps my fear will bring you back?
Or shall I just say ‘I’m fine’?
Or maybe the dark will cover the truth.
Because thanks to me…
…You’re dead.
Your face fades in my memory.
Forgetting who you are.
Forgetting your beautiful eyes, from which I wiped your tears.
Forgetting your smile-it made me laugh.
Forgetting your kiss goodnight.
Forgetting your sweet, sweet voice…
Forgetting all we were.
And yet… I remember everything we shared.
And I’m sorry I made you turn to this.
I was selfish, and could not see
The desperation in your eyes.
Lord, forgive me!
You… you were my everything.
You were my life, my love, my all.
And now you’re gone,
I regret all I’ve done.
And… my love, I’m so very sorry.
But perhaps, my love, you’ll understand.
Just why I did what’s done.
Perhaps your up there watching me,
Wishing me good luck.
I close my eyes at night to dream.
Only to wake up on my own.
No one to wipe my tears,
To tell me I’ll be fine.
And yet…
When I settle down,
I swear I hear your voice.
Whispering ‘I love you, Will.’
As your fingers caress my cheek.
But again…just like before…
…It was just…
… A dream.
Copyright © Olivia Murray | Year Posted 2009
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Olivia Murray Poem
I’ll Say Goodbye With Kisses Three
I remember up to this day
The price I had to pay…
The day I first held your gaze,
For many nights and many days,
I remember that time we swore
We’d be together for evermore.
But now I stand here all alone
Dreaming of what we could have known…
Do you remember we used to dream?
About the things we may have been?
We lay among the fields of gold,
But the truth still remained untold.
I stand here in the same place,
Where I used to look into your face.
Holding the rose you gave to me,
And say goodbye with kisses three.
Copyright © Olivia Murray | Year Posted 2009
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