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Nidhi Khetan Poem
I haven't been sleeping well
in the past few nights
Thinking about the wrongs
that could have been rights
I keep tossing and turning on my bed
My pillows soaked in the tears I shed
I just can't sleep in these long nights
No matter how hard I try
My mind keeps replaying stories
Stories about how I couldn't fly.
Let me tell you more,
I have been getting nightmares, you know
Nightmares, where I am stuck
in four walls with no windows
Nightmares that aren't really scary,
but they are weird
Unusual and bizarre kind of dreams
Unable to reach my destiny
Panting and gasping
I can hear myself scream.
Some nights,
I get few of those nightmares
Where I keep falling,
with no visible end
My guards are down,
For my helpless self,
I am not ready to defend
Sometimes,
I see myself stuck in a disaster
and I keep crawling,
to save myself and those I love
I dream of storms and the trembles
And the waves and
also of crisis existential
I wish I had some kind
of a magical wand
A wand which I could sway
To cast a spell ;
And make it all, go away.
Yesterday,
I woke up suddenly
in the middle of the night
Between life and death,
it was one of those fights
I felt my heart pounding
I felt it in my shoulders
and in my wrist
In my neck and my eyes,
a sensation,
I tried to resist
I felt my thoughts racing
I don't know,
towards or away from something
What I recognized for sure
Was this feeling of unease
Restless mind,
I wanted it to freeze.
I wish I knew what these feelings meant
I wish I could contemplate every story
Hiding inside,
untold and unexpressed
Since, a long time,
I have felt stable,
I have been happy
but clearly,
There are deeper layers to be peeled
There are emotional monsters
and they need to be killed
I need time maybe,
To understand more
To feel pain and emotions
I seem to ignore
There is no way
I can enjoy the best,
until
I genuinely earn it all
And , There is no way
I can get rid of the worst
till
'I experience it all.'
-NK
Copyright © Nidhi Khetan | Year Posted 2021
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Details |
Nidhi Khetan Poem
Walking in these dark alleys
Its been forever
Pacing with hope from one end to another
I search for the end of my story
That belongs just to me
These roads are stubborn
they never seem to end
And I am a stubborn who refuses to depend
I keep wandering,
Wandering in the wild
to find some light
A single ray would be enough
To lighten up this dark lanes
A single spark, I need
to lighten the fire inside my veins
But I find nothing;
For, I am too into darkness
Darkness that never succumbs to my screams
Am I scared?
Am I lost?
Or am I just confused?
My visions are blurred
My senses are numb
I see small clouds of dust in front of my eyes
I try to hold on to them
They are too fragile to be grasped
Do they exist?
Or am I hallucinating?
The reality around me is masked
What if I am stuck here forever in this dark place?
What if the ray of hope
I have been waiting for to rescue me doesn't find me?
And I keep screaming for help
Scream that echoes and comes back to me unaltered and unheard
My consciousness is faded, its absurd
My knees are now on ground
I force myself to pace forward
I have never learnt to stop or to quit
I have never learnt to be a coward
A cloud of dust I see again
But this time its different-
Filled with light, it rips away my pain
I pull myself up
Gather all my courage
Squint my eyes to focus on the light
Spread my arms to feel the wind flow
I stand there strong and straight
Let the energy sink in
And ignite the fire within!!!
-NK
Copyright © Nidhi Khetan | Year Posted 2021
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