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Onyx Perth Poem
My mind
unstable foundation.
They keep talking,
through dreams, comes communication.
A combination,
another citation
never any satisfaction
(Look over here, another distraction)
Formation into another illustration
division by another diversion.
So, what version can take me out of isolation?
(Wait, murder? I thought this was multiplication.)
How many live there now? I need some information.
Because if this conversation involves a congregation
then call for an assembly, it’s time for orientation.
How many are there? I think this is beyond regulation.
It’s time for a confession!
(Why? There has been no violation.)
The situation may be a possession
But I do not have the protection of religion.
Nothing in moderation
We do not need validation from an administration.
The revelation has been in question.
Objection! This is all just speculation.
I’m getting a suspicion that there have been signs of manipulation.
There are signs of depression and in addition
I would like to draw your attention to the blatant exaggeration
and ask for your cooperation
So, we can move past the persecution
to focus on the solution.
The verdict is in!
What is the conclusion?
To Be Continued...
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
I lay here under the covers
trying not to make a sound.
Hiding from the monster
hoping not to be found.
Then I hear its footsteps
and I can feel my heart start to pound.
I can hear it getting closer
and I can feel it in the ground.
I hope it doesn't find me
I am laying perfectly still.
I wish it would just go away
but I know it never will.
It is always here, day or night.
It comes for me no matter what,
in the dark or in the light.
It is pointless to put up a fight.
I try to be invisible,
I try to stay out of sight.
It(He) is so much bigger than me
why does it(he) think I am a threat.
What does it(he) want from me?
Why do I make it(him) so upset?
Its voice can be heard
no matter where I may be.
It's like it is always
just one step behind me.
I'm always looking over my shoulder
I wish I could be sat free.
Why can't anyone else
See what I see?
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
I have been staying awake for as long as I can.
I have been doing this till I come up with a better plan.
I have been going and going till I can no longer stand.
I have to do this so I don't lose command.
I need to find something to ease the pain.
I have to find a way to release the strain.
I know it has been a long campaign,
It's getting harder and harder just to maintain.
I am looking for a way to help me explain
I am trying to figure out how to quiet my brain.
Drugs didn't help, unless you count going insane.
Sure, alcohol did the trick, and sleep I could obtain.
But, my tolerance requires quantity and makes it harder to restrain.
When I am on the edge and about to lose control,
Someone or something takes the wheel.
Friends and strangers have told me all about it,
So, I know it must be real.
I can feel it more and more each day
The Others have gotten bored and want to come out to play.
That is why I keep going till I hit the floor.
If I don't do it this way, I won't be me anymore.
Inside my head there are many rooms and many halls
Each room has a door, a window, and three walls
The rooms are all different but the things in them are all the same
Memories in some, and Monsters I have come to tame.
Some rooms are open so I am free to come and go,
but others have been locked up so long I don't even know.
I can hear whispers and scratching coming from the other side
sometimes something hits so hard it makes me run and hide.
Some just have boxes from wall to wall,
and when I am trying to sleep, I start going through them all.
While I am busy putting things back together
I don't even realize that I am in danger.
See there is one particular character that I can't seem to catch.
Everytime we are in a fight, we are an even match.
So he waits until I'm out or not paying attention,
Usually I don't care since it started out being for my protection.
He came out when someone wasn't showing their true intention
or at the first sign of an enemys' aggression.
It would always just feel like an abstraction,
like i would just step aside, not like a possession.
But now I am older, I don't do things that put me in danger
So he and the others are bored, and they fight to become commander
This is why I keep myself busy doing so many things
To distract with my reading, writing, and drawings.
I could fall alseep and stay asleep while I was drinking
because I drank and drank, till I was no longer thinking.
I don't know if there is anything out there to help me
Maybe I should just open all the doors and let the Others go free.
Insomnia, depression, anxiety,
PTSD, BPD, and ADHD.
Hey, at least I come with a variety.
Can't do it with drugs and can't with sobriety.
I know what you may be thinking,
but there is no way we give up without fighting.
There is at least one thing that We all agree
We won't be killing me,
Because no matter the amounts of casualty,
Suicide is a cowards way and lacks piety.
To be continued...
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
Anything can change in the blink of an eye.
You could win the lottery and the next day you die.
These thoughts and feelings make it very hard to even try.
But if I said, I was giving up, that would be a lie.
Today becomes yesterday in the blink of an eye.
Some times seem to stand still
while other times seem to fly by.
Some times it heals wounds, while other times it brings tears,
watching as it changes from seconds to hours, from days to years.
I've watched as family members have given up and died.
I've watched as they acted like they really ever tried.
I've watched them be fake to each other and then be on each other's side
Oh, so full of "family devotion and pride",
Then to my face, eye to eye, they've lied.
Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
Be happy one second, the next you start to cry.
Sometimes it's hard to focus, but no matter what I'll try.
Even though I've learned that, unconditional love is most definitely a lie.
I've sat there, being ignored till I almost died.
I've sat there, in pain because they thought I lied.
I've sat there, till it was almost too late, would they have even cried?
Even though they showed me no love, for them I've always tried.
I can't fix all the things I never knew were wrong.
I had to learn to be nothing else but strong.
So, I distanced myself from everyone and would not visit for long.
I was always told, when you're eighteen you're on your own.
Even if you're not ready, you have to find your own home.
Didn't matter if it was with roommates or if you're alone.
And that family would always be there, just have to pick up the phone.
I didn't know that I was written off a long time ago.
Even though, from my Family, I didn't beg, steal, or borrow.
I thought the longer I stayed away meant the prouder they would be.
I didn't know, all along, the things they were all saying about me.
I'll admit, I did things I am not proud of.
But then, I was going to have my own Son to Love.
I thought that since I jumped to the responsibility
That maybe they all would finally be proud of me.
I should've known by now that that wasn't a possibility
I should've known that that wasn't in their capacity.
I didn't know that Love was measurable by attendance
I thought, at the very least, it was shown by my performance.
I got wrote off because of their ignorance
I got wrote off because of their incompetence.
Then I am left to suffer the consequence.
I did my duty and served my penance.
Will they pay for their malevolence
Or lack of benevolence?
Too long, I've stood in silence
I can say with confidence
That those who were bathed in the inheritance
based on proximity consistence,
Instead, it was more like indolence.
They lacked independence.
Yet they were shown tolerance
And patience
And acceptance
Which led only to their debilitating social inadvertence.
I was shown intolerance
And impatience.
They made me feel like I was an inconvenience
That I lacked competence.
So, you can possibly understand why I had persistence
At putting between us some distance.
I couldn't handle all their contradictions
And crossed communications.
When I needed reassurance
And some self-confidence
I was met with more imperfection, confrontation
And complication
So, I removed myself from the equation.
I've always been on the defense.
I don't know where I learned common sense.
On my own I found temperance.
Then, when the Great one passed away
It hit me hard, the times I used to play
With the Buttons. I wanted for nothing but I thought, these for sure
But nothing was left, not even a picture.
Eventually, the Worst one laid to rest
The fault was from within his chest
Did he go with any regrets?
I thought I wouldn't care, because of all the hateful threats.
It's funny how much everyone forgets.
Some things change in the blink of an eye.
Some things make us happy and some things make us cry.
One second you're alive and the next you die.
If I said I didn't care, that would be a lie.
When the Best two passed away
I didn't know what to say
I thought that they knew
Now they're gone with thoughts that were untrue.
I was written off and someone saw it through.
I didn't know Love was measured like in school
If you miss a few days you're forever the fool.
I've always known things can change in the blink of an eye
They all died while believing a lie
They all are gone, I don't get another try.
They all passed away and I didn't get to say good-bye.
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
The Reason is what I am looking for,
a reason why things ripped and tore,
A reason is what I am trying to explore,
A reason to retry and restore.
My mind is split,
There are some things that don't quite fit.
But, you have to give me some credit,
Because I'll never forfeit.
I'll just keep taking the hit,
I've always been a good target.
Just ask my dad, oh wait, he already kicked the bucket.
With my family I was never close-knit,
I guess it's my fault, but hold on a minute.
I've got evidence that should help acquit,
Now what did I do with that exhibit,
Losing things has become a real bad habit.
I'm trying to find a reason in the rhyme,
I'm afraid I don't have a whole lot of time.
In this case, the punishment doesn't fit the crime.
I feel like I am always in an uphill climb.
Trying to find
Some peace of mind.
But I guess I wasn't designed
To leave it all behind,
So, it's all just combined.
Now, if you could be so kind,
And if you would be so inclined,
I've got some things outlined,
Just waiting to be signed.
Okay, so where was I?
Let me give this another try.
I may need you to clarify
Because the reason doesn't justify.
What ever happened to the 'eye for an eye'?
When did my mind go awry?
My mind I need to rectify.
I think to find the reason I need to verify
How much of my mind they all occupy.
Perhaps this whole time I've known
But every time I'm close I get thrown.
Off the path, I'm blown.
Overthrown from the throne.
I try to find the trail, but it's been overgrown.
I become more lost, more alone.
Until I start hearing laughter from all around.
It's coming from everywhere, the sky and the ground.
Being inside my own head echoes the sound,
Trying to keep the reason from being found.
To be Continued...
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
I guess this is where I step in,
But I'm not sure where I should begin.
What can I say, sometimes there's a need for disposition.
No, I am not a physician,
But yes, I am a musician,
I don't play the Harp, my music demands full attention.
And, no, it's not for everyone, it can cause some tension,
But if you do like it, then it means we have a connection.
It can bring feelings of happiness or aggression,
It's almost like an infection,
But upon further inspection
You'll see that it is more like perfection,
Because if you listen real close you'll see your reflection.
See, this is my obsession
To expose corruption
When it is hidden from perception.
I don't tolerate deception.
Then someone yells from the back,"but wait, aren't you kind of like, more than one person?"
Well, yes and no, I am not like the Others,
I think I'm from another dimension.
Something like a physical manifestation
Of an overactive imagination.
I am that feeling you get when you think something seems fishy.
I am that thing you say, when you say, "I don't know what came over me."
I am that something that gives you a little more right when you need it most.
I am your Angel, your shadow, your ghost.
I am anything you need me to be,
And I am a liar's worst enemy.
You may even call me a vengeance vigilante
I see, I hear, I feel all the things you try to hide,
While I am just sitting here, waiting here inside.
One second you're telling him your made up stories
Then the next second, you're telling him your childhood memories.
My sound gives off a feeling
It takes away the extra faces and starts revealing
Makes you want to start sharing
Before the hours up we know everything.
Eventually you start losing track.
Forget what stories you've told, and then you crack.
Once you've heard the sound, there's no going back.
My sound gives off a vibration
That gives others the feeling to start sharing information,
There's no hesitation.
So,
If you've only come to try to see what you can take,
If you're nothing but a fake,
If your only intentions are to cause heartbreak,
Then you've made a huge mistake.
Once you've met me
With you I'll always be,
Once you've seen you can't un-see,
As long as your actions are unsatisfactory
You'll never be free...
I'll be that feeling you get when you're walking all alone
I'll be that thing that chills you to the bone,
I'll be that something that takes away it all when you need it the most.
I am your Demon, your shadow, your ghost.
-Jack
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
I used to be the one who listened
and Never let my feelings show,
Now I can't stop talking
and for what reason, I do not know.
With every word I write
some things begin to make sense,
With every memory found
put back into its sequence.
I used to be the one who listened
and I'd be filled with all their memories,
Once I became too full
I'd release the awful energies.
With every word, they spoke
they felt better and let things go.
With every memory lost
left them with room to regrow.
I used to be the one who listened
and never let down my guard,
Trying to trust
was just too damn hard.
With every word I write
could be my last,
Time to stop wasting time,
it goes by way too fast.
With every moment I still listen
not knowing when I'll be through
Hoping I left a good impression
on even just a few.
I hope they remember the one who listened
never asked for anything in return,
not until today...
to whom this may concern...
I remember each and every one of you
no matter how brief or long,
Everyone I've met in life
the impression left was strong.
So, that is all I ask for
something not many value,
is just to be remembered
So, I'll live on through you.
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2022
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Onyx Perth Poem
Suicide isn't an option but I can't say it has never been,
I'll admit, I tried it once, way back when.
I was only a teenager,
And things had just piled too high.
At first, I just did designs, like tattoos, hidden from the eye.
It had been just one of those nights,
A knock-out, drag-out, escalated fight.
So, I was done, I was mad,
Too many nights that always went bad.
Slammed the door, but he still got off one last word,
I was so angry, the world became blurred.
I went for my friend the precision razor,
Whispering, okay friend, one last favor.
I knew how to do it right,
Deeper than usual, straight up and down.
I would just drift off into nothingness
without making a sound.
This wound up being one of those times I spoke of earlier,
Where someone or something steps up and takes over.
I had already done it,
The puddle forming in my hand before dripping to the floor.
Blurred vision, slowed breathing,
Closed my eyes, then no more.
But, just as I was slipping, a friend of mine burst through the door,
He grabbed me, sat me up, asked me what this was for.
I couldn't answer, I couldn't explain.
Why wasn't I gone? Why wasn't I in pain?
My friend was just staring at the puddle of blood in my hand,
And asked me how it wasn't running over.
I didn't understand.
It was still running from the cuts I had made
But in my palm was where it stayed.
Then I looked at it a little closer and grabbed my razor,
Then slowly guided it under the thin stream,
Lifted it up, back down, then back up for good measure.
If it hadn't been for my friend being there, I would've thought this was a just a dream.
He asked me how I was doing it,
Of course I answered, that I didn't know.
We just watched it
Until it finally began to slow.
I didn't know then but I do know now
Something kept me from dying but I still don't know how.
Over the years I have gained many scars from a knife,
But after that night I have never again tried to take my own life.
No matter how bad things get or how heavy things become,
Whether you practice magic, belief in God, or atheism,
I believe that when you take a life, whether yours or some other,
No re-dos, no forgiveness. Chances? You won't get another.
I don't know what I believe in anymore,
But back then, it wasn't God, it wasn't the Devil, they'd put me on ignore.
So, back to what I was talking about before,
See, it's things like this that have made me explore.
Because when I start to talk about them, suddenly there's a detour.
It's hard for me to stay focused, I get easily distracted with a thought,
Ever since I was little, this problem I have fought.
I lose track of time and sometimes lose time altogether,
It has made me lose other things and other times kept me from danger.
When I was little, something bad happened to me,
I think because of it, I accidentally made another personality.
We are aware of each other,
One wouldn't exist without the Other.
Like a real Best Friend, till the end, a Blood Brother.
But, then there are times, friends have told me
That while I wasn't anywhere around, they would see
He would just show up places without me entirely.
As far as I know, a personality isn't free,
It's attached to you completely.
So, I don't quite know where I am going with this.
I guess this is just a way to get it out that I exist.
Believe me or not, soon you'll know.
Everyone I've told about him, eventually he will show.
So, if you see something out of the corner of your eye,
Or perhaps a shadowy figure that is thin framed, clad with a long coat,
Spiked hair and a mask,
You have nothing to worry about, unless your intentions are a lie.
To Be Continued...?
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
Inside my head,
trapped,
the door is held by lock and chain...
Entertained with the insane
and the deranged.
This endeavor has been a long campaign.
Tears are my rain
and I can't get it outta my brain...
It runs through every vein...
Makes me overthink and over-explain,
I guess I stick with it,
cause I know the terrain.
Some sense of familiar domain
and for me, it's easy to obtain.
So forever, here,
I will remain.
Any attempt to escape is done in vain.
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It Figures...
I'm my own worst enemy,
can't get out of my head...
my worst fear is being dead,
because if there isn't anything after, ill just be trapped inside instead... eternity,
fighting the other me,
but perfectly matched so a winner will never be...
good thing I made my mind a labyrinth, filled with many rooms all filled with different things, distractions, memories, monsters, dreams.
It'll be hell from time to time,
but finding a little bit of heaven in a shoebox tucked away in a safe place.
Do you know how hard it is to hide from yourself?
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2021
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Onyx Perth Poem
Once upon a time, not that long ago
I felt some kind of balance, I felt the energy flow...
it was like a drug, I wanted more and more,
And just like a drug, I'd look anywhere to score.
Try and do whatever it took to feel that way again
But everywhere I turned, I'd be put in a spin...
When I sobered up and took the nine to five,
Always longing for that which made me feel so alive.
The "normal life" was not for me, i knew this deep down.
I wasn't meant to be stuck in this god-forsaken town.
Try and do anything to feel something again,
always finding small doses, feeling the spin.
Inside my head, constantly at war,
The voices within, harder and harder to ignore.
Always feeling like it is time to go,
But to where I did not know.
Fearing I may never feel that way again,
remembering the last time, I felt the spin.
A long time has gone by since I felt that way,
Even though in my mind, it was just yesterday.
Because of this, I tend to lose track,
Getting lost, distracted, the mind gets hijacked.
Going down and down, a constant tailspin,
But I've got to pull up, I can't let them win...
Copyright © Onyx Perth | Year Posted 2022
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