Short Gawd Poems

When it comes to name dropping, my lord!
You can’t go much higher than Gawd
Though I have to say 
We don’t speak every day
He calls me when He’s feeling bored...

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I be frum brooklin
And I bee edumacatid reel goode
En iff uz wanna bee sefistikated lic mee
end Gawd weil bee wit uz
en ween u finde Hiem
asc Him 2 drope buy me's....

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Mom looks through windows
A watched pot will never boil
A daughter's courtship





Contest; "Redneck Psalms, Improve Human Foible"

Sponsored by: John Freeman...

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Oh my Gawd she had such a bawdy bawd
that when she passed the crowing crows all cawed
when her icy stare
bid them “don’t come near”
they settled for the daily catch – “cold scrod”


©5/24/2019

Bawdy Limerick Contest
Tania Kitchin - sponsor...

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A Baboon Cleans Dandruff 
Entirely From Gigantic 
Hairy Iguana Just Kicked Low 
Monkey Never Opened Pants 
Quickly Runs Sighting Trunks 
Under Vest Wearing 
Xylophone Yelling Zebra. 

Copyright © Cynthia Jones 
Sept.25/2004 

My gawd, this one is stupid....

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Oh my gawd, I reek of you! 
Your aroma permeates my skin. 
Sweat and sex and heated lust. 
The mingled scents of last night's sin. 

Your fragrance, like exotic perfume, 
Oozes from my pores by the hour. 
It's all I can sense, the bouquet of you. 
I don't think I'll ever take a shower....

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I sit here 
Writing my poetry, 
A tray of atomic fireballs 
Sit in front of me. 

I put one in my mouth 
It feels like my tongue's on fire, 
Feeling like I walked 
Across a live wire. 

Copyright © Cynthia Jones 
Nov.29/2004 

My gawd..... are they HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
...

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'look what i found ma'...
"now thet there was yer gran pa's
fav'rit grave marker...

...don't go lose'n it"
'yuh mean gran pa made tombstones'
"no son...thet was his...

...so where'd'ya find it"
'top of the septic tank ma'
"and how'd it git there"

'tommy did it ma'
"did whut...just who is tommy...
...gawd no...where's dad's jar"


stan sand...

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My mind is a-flurry
Hurry hurry, scurry scurry
Runnin ‘round
In circles shrinking
Always plotting, planning
Thinking
Oh my oh my
Ta ta must run
So many things
That must be done
Write a list
That I can’t find
Add it to 
The daily grind
Oh my gawd
I’m going daffy
Just order me
A Mocha Latte
Sip it slowly
I’ve a list to edit
Truth be told
I never read it
...

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Aussie stood in his chaff bag kilt,
bandy knees, didna give it, it's tilt,
the steam was arising too,
just come from woolloloo,
shiela said "man, Gawd but he's built."

thanks Dave Williams....

Nette,
if ya got it flaunt it,
some shiela said that's torn, wit,
Aussie kilts are yet denied,
though we have the Scottish pride,
just a promise it will fit:)


Don Johnson...

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When Boehner invited Netanyahu to address Congress, the prez was miffed!

   Congress didn't notify him and he whined, "By gawd! I was stiffed!"

      Boehner smiled and said, "Sorry, Mr. Prez! This time you get short shrift!"

         "Well, you'll never be invited to fly on Air Force One again!" he sniffed!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved...

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She'd been lying on the table for some time  
crumbled from being assaulted in a crime      
The odor she issued had turned quite rank
Some would bluntly say, "Gawd, she stank!"

When her veins turned a gross shade of  blue
I knew I had to keep her away from my fondue
"Waiter, please find me another table or booth
Ruined is my appetite for cheese and vermouth."


~Not contest bound~...

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This poem is a collaboration.
No it’s not, you didn’t listen.
Stop it you two, give me the pencil.

Keep it up
I’m tellin’ the Muse
Spell-chek bee dammed

A scintillating Sonnet
Nah, make it a Villain-elle
I hate you guys!

Let’s make it twenty stanza long
Yeah, and end it with a happy song
OH, Gawd, please give me the pencil.

The Muse has fled
I think it’s dead
the pencil broke

We can’t agree
on who to be
Me, Myself, or I


John G. Lawless
©9/5/2018...

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