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Monologue of Misery
Why can’t my heart understand?
You made it extraordinarily clear
that you won’t change your mind
But the pain, it’s subtle
ripping me slowly in two
like a knife from the inside
of my core, cutting outwards
Your eyes saw what I did
Your heart felt what I did
That I 'chose' her over you
but the truth of the matter is
I felt as if I already lost you
and I was about to lose her too
What was I supposed to do?
I’ve never put myself out there like I did
My heart never destroyed the way it was
All I could do was cope,
a soulless blunder of euphoria
to keep myself afloat
Atop the ocean of despair
Yet here I am,
the waves much larger now
slapping down, I choke on its water,
unable to breathe once again
The smallest amount of hope
of course still remains,
but you made it very clear
you won’t be the second choice
I get it, you destroyed my heart.
I held on hope, then gave up.
Latched on to someone else.
You came back, full swing
suplexing the pieces of my heart
that we’re still available
You did a wonderful job
the pieces now but dust
I made the choice
that life support
instructed me to take,
but I took an extra step
of latching on to something new
helped me forget
The necrosis in my heart
And yet
Deep within my soul I knew
I had made the wrong choices
And all I could do in response
was more and more chemicals
Picking up the pieces
of my dying heart
I realized what I known
from the start
I wont stop loving you,
not till my dying breath
When i go to hell, my punishment
will be to relive these damning choices
I ended up doing
Does that sound like
second choice to you?
To me I had no choice at all
what was unresolved conflict
something I had to solve
But as I found myself,
it seems I also lost myself
Because now what seems like
no choice at all,
was really a battle for my soul
Copyright ©
Cole Lee
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