Zenith University
Zenith University
I am a proud graduate
of Zenith University,
where the quality stays on
until the little dot
shrinks and goes away.
I attended that fine institution
with Tom and Jerry,
Heckl, Jeckl, Mickey, Minnie,
Da?y, Donald, Daisy,
Huey, Dewey, Louie,
Speedy, Wile E., Gumby, Pokey,
Yogi, Boo Boo, Dino, Chucko,
Hobo Kelley, Lassie, Bozo,
Betty, Barney, Bam Bam Rubble,
Wilma, Pebbles, Fred,
Casper, Felix, Sheri? John,
Gentle Ben, and Mr. Ed.
Astro, Elroy,
Judy, George, and Jane--
Eddie Haskell, Wally Cleaver,
Mom and Dad and Little Beaver.
Favorite Martian--Flying Nun,
James Arness--smoking gun,
Spanky and Alfalfa,
Larry, Moe, and Curly.
Tests consisted
of posted patterns.
To see those,
you had to get up early
like Jack LaLanne and Buns of Steel,
Captain Kangaroo.
Mid-morning classes included
Monte Hall (quite a deal),
Bob the Barker (not the builder).
Allen Ludden passed the words,
Henson brought a yellow bird.
After dinner,
after sunset
we did our homework
with Maxwell Smart and 99,
Gomez and Morticia,
Uncle Fester, Lerch,
and Flipper.
We saw The Rifleman get Branded.
We saw The Fugitive get framed.
We saw The Guppy blown off-course.
We saw Gilligan get blamed.
Hogan’s Heroes, Lost in Space,
Dr. Casey, Marcus Welby,
Adam 12, Ponch and John.
Cecil and his buddy, Beanie,
Major Nelson and his Jeannie.
Brought to us by
PF Flyers, US Keds,
Irish Spring, Mr. Clean,
Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines,
Orange Crush, Good and Plenty,
Pepto Bismol, Alka Seltzer,
Instant Breakfast, Ford.
Lucky Charms and Cocoa Pu?s,
Captain Crunch and Frosted Flakes,
Hostess Twinkies, Snoballs--
shredded coconut on smallish
dome-shaped chocolate cakes.
Double Mint and Pontiac.
Wonder Bread and Cadillac.
Mighty Dog and Coppertone.
Outer Limits, Twilight Zone.
Brinkley, Huntley,
Putnam, Dunphy,
Disney once a week.
Sunday polka bubbles
courtesy of Lawrence Welk,
who counted all the way
to three or four
before he used his accordion
to speak.
Zenith University provided
glowing lessons--
many of these presented
in convenient, 30-minute sessions.
By the way,
I completely disagree with anyone
and everyone who claims Z.U.
fried our brains or wasted them away.
I express my gratitude
by picking flowers, presenting them
directly to the screen
on every Mother’s Day.
Copyright ©
Jim Babwe
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