Grimm's Version of Peter Pan's Perversions
Most of have heard or read the Adventures of Peter Pan
A boy who never grew up and lived in Never Never Land
The rewritten story goes that Tinkerbell is in love with Pete
but in the original shadowed tale, Tink liked her whiskey, neat
J M Barrie was asked to write a sunnier children's version
to cover up Pan the Man's vices and his sexual perversion
He didn't huff like the big bad wolf, with pigs always squealing
What Pete's all about is puffing the weed he's been dealing.
I've fractured the tale; twisted it back, as would've Grimm
The factual Peter Pan story makes a mockery out of him
Turns out, living in the land of the lost boys wasn't so great
and Tink didn't want Peter to be her true love or soul mate
That 'fairy dust' she sprinkled was said to make people fly—
But her dust was the powdered kind that got them flyin' high
Night life in Never Land makes that hotel in southern Cali
look innocent as teens with pom poms at a school pep rally
Peter's nice guy image was nothing more than Barrie's illusion
A Disney gimmick to make him look cool, but a secret collusion
That frat faced kid was one of the shiftiest villains on the scene
but the costume designer had him wearing tights, forest green
Truth be told, he was nothing more than a druggie, a user
When deep in his cups, he became an abuser, a mean boozer
That fairytale lie was like taking a walk in MacArthur Park
When someone ate Pete's cake, he became diabolically dark.
He wasn't a friend of those lost boys. He kept them as slaves
cooking crack, twenty-four seven on that island in dank caves
That's not the worst of the telling of this horridly sinister tale
Pete was a pimp and told Wendy, 'Darling, you're for sale."
There was a lot going on that innocent Wendy didn't know
Like when he mentioned needing more ice, he meant 'snow'
He captured Tiger Lily, hoping to make her a 'lady of the night'
Couldn't bribe the chief of her tribe. It was a scalping or flight.
Then, there's the misconception about mean old Captain Hook
but what Barrie's lines didn't reveal was that Peter was a crook
When Hook threatened to expose Peter, turning him over to a cop
Pete's sharpened sword took off Hook's right hand: chop chop!
The crocodile wasn't a man eater, just part of J. M. Barrie's crock
Thought it'd be amusing to kids for him to have swallowed a clock
The Jolly Roger is a ruse as a frigate that sets sails as a pirate ship
But it has twin diesel engines to give the pestering narcs the slip
Drugs and women... below deck are the rooms of Pete's bardello
Peter Pan is many things, but don't think he was ever a nice fellow.
Copyright ©
Lin Lane
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