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Twin Heart Rate Monitors
I couldn’t even stop myself from sacrificing everything for you
How could I be trusted with your last breath?
My recital of a photo albums worth of memories
Induced a coat of water in everyone's eyes
But how could they possibly commiserate without being you or I?
And as I'm standing here, hovering over your padded table they call a mattress
Ripping the stitches out between my lips
So I can conjure a voice to tell you everything I bottled up
I may have brought forth these emotions raw, but I’m no rational inhibitor
I already voted out lethal injection
As my self indoctrination
But my first urge is to join you
When you let go of these grapples I have you tied to
As I watch you start to fade,
Your eyes turn milky as the nerves twist silently
All you’ve ever wanted was an existence where you’re seldom alone
One hand latched in yours, the other on your favorite sweater
That I rub on me for one last time, like a fading cologne
And I think over mentally,
This contract I had written for my sanity
And I wonder who's left with guilt and blood on their hands
When my lease is over
And it's hard to point fingers when a disturb mind is signing sober
Looking at the wall clock,
I feel as though it's the first moment ever
Where time truly doesn't matter
I can tell you've lost control but I don't feel I ever had it either
As we're beckoned further by this cliff,
I wrap your waist with the ropes I garnered
And I tie them around my hands,
Committed like gloves to a gardner
And I scream at the top of my lungs internally
My tears will rinse the rope burn as I feel you pulling harder
I already scoured every drawer, every desk,
for a loophole to avoid the coroner
But I understand within myself,
That I can't be conscious and toxically avoidant, with your spirit lingering in the corner
Copyright ©
Matthew Bailey
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