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Overthinking
Why is the heart so confusing
You’ve been told it’s wrong
You know it’s wrong
But you crave for them more
Not even physically
Just their presence is more than enough
You give until you’re drained
Wondering why you don’t receive as much
You care so much
Why isn’t it the same
You want people to feel loved and cared for
But it seems obsessive to them
You find yourself no longer capable of understanding
Where it is you always go wrong
All you want is for people to love you as much as you love them
You feel as if you overdo it
You’re not even trying to
You just want them to feel understood
Every emotion they’re feeling and the circumstances they have you consider in intense detail
But it feels as if they force themselves to care for you
They swear it’s not the truth
But you find them going several days without even speaking to you
You have to initiate everything
When you spent time together it was because you asked
And when you don't ask, they don't notice
They don't realize why you went quiet
And when they ask if you're okay, if they ever do, you can't tell them how you really feel
You can tell them the situation
That's expected
But emotions?
Seem too much to handle
So you say you're fine
And you do whatever it takes to keep it that way.
Yet you let it build up inside
And when the attacks come
You suffer through it on your own
Because youre to scared to burden anyone with the mess you are
So when youre in tears
You don't tell them anymore
Not like you used to as a kid
Cuz then, you just wanted the attention
Wanted a omebody to notice
But now it has nothing to do with that
You don't want people to see how broken you are
How you fight to not cover up everything with a lie
Because they beg you not to
Yet you feel even worse wondering why they act like they care but seem so distant when you need them most
Or its just you over thinking two days of silence
Taking it as them not caring
When really they're just busy
But you make time for them
So why can't they make time for you?
But here you are overthinking again because they've come through at your lowest times
Yet you wonder why you feel so detached from them
Why it feel like you're always fighting to get their attention
They only ask when you ask
Only talk when you start
What if you just stopped caring?
What if you just stopped asking?
What if you just stopped speaking?
You don't want to stop existing
But what if she was right?
What if it doesn't matter if you did?
Copyright ©
Alonnah G.
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