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THE CAREGIVER JOURNEY IN HONOR OF ELIZABETH DOLE
COPING WITH HIS NEEDS AND MIND WATCHING HIM SLOWING LEAVE ME THERE ARE TIMES HE IS ACTUALLY BACK HIMSELF WHY THE PTSD CLOUDS THE ONSET OF DEMENTIA THISBIS QUITE TRYING BEING I MYSELF SUFFER FROM PTSD TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY IN THE BEGINNING WE BOTH FELT OUR LOVE WAS A BLESSING FROM GOD WHATS THE CHANCES OF FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WITH THE VERY SAME ILLNESSES I THOUGHT HEY I GOT THIS BECAUSE I MYSELF TOTALLY GETS HIM THE NIGHT TERRORS THE SWEATING AT NIGHT I'M UP TILL DAWN WATCHING LINEN SHEETS TOWELS UNDERWEAR FOR THE NEXT DAY I FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF ME I COPE BY GOING INTO A QUIET BATHROOM AND HUG MYSELF I SAY YOU GOT THIS IT'S HARD BUT YOU LOVE YOUR PERSON HE IS YOU SOON YOU BEGAN TO HAVE HIS SYMPTOMS YOU BECOME DISTANT AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR HOME AFRAID TO BE APART FROM YOUR PERSON HE CAN'T DRIVE ALONE ANYMORE I WORRY ABOUT SILVER ALERT SO WE ARE NEVER SPART I WORRY ABOUT HIM WALKING OFF EVEN WHEN WE GO SHOPPING IF HE GOES TO REST ROOM I PANIC HE ALWAYS LEAVES OUT GOING ANOTHER DIRECTION FORGETING I SAID I WILL BE RIGHT HERE HIS BLUES EYES THAT OF A CHILD NOW VIETNAM REALLY TOOK ITS TOIL SO I HOLD HIM LIKE A CHILD MY CHILD AMAZING I AM FILLED WITH EMOTIONS MOSTLY FEAR I NEVER GO TO BEAUTY SHOPS NAILS OUT WITH FAMILY THE THOUGHT OF HIM GOING INTO CRISIS LIKE CHOKING ON HIS OWN DENTURES MY SMALL BODY PERFORMING LIFE SAVING TECHNICS INJURYING MY ARMS LEGS BRUISES KNOCKING MY HIP OUT PICKING HIM UP OFF THE FLOOR I'M THINKING ONLY GOD WOULD ALLOW ME TO LIFT A 225 POUND MAN CHOKING ON HIS OWN TEETH I CAN'T EXPLAIN THE FEELINGS THAT RAN THROUGH ME WHAT IF HE DIES IS IT MY FAULT WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH HE DON'T TRUST ANYONE WITH HIS CARE ONLY ME MY BACK CHEST WALL BRUISED I AM ON ALERT WATCHING.HIS EVERY MOVE I FIND PEACE IN JUST BREATHING YOU KNOW BREATHING INJURED ILL EMOTIONALLY BROKEN BUT IT'S ALL APART OF BEING A TRUE MILITARY WIFE YOU GAIN STRENGTH FOR BEYOND YOU SOAK IN A HOT TUB ICE HEAT THE BRUISES OF BEING A CAREGIVER I REST WHEN HE SLEEPS IT'S VERY REWARDING CARING FOR AMERICAS WAR HEROS IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS LIKE HOLDING HANDS IS ELECTRICFYING HIS EYES GLOW OF YOUTH AND I SING MY SONG AS LOVE BIRDS DANCE JUST FOR US OTHER TIMES CONFUSION ARISES PTSD RIGHT IN MY FACE LOSS GRIEF REALIZING THE ABILITIES OF HIS YOUTH DIMENISHING ADORING MY BEAUTY WANTING TO GIVE MORE OF HIS YOUTHFULNESS WE BALANCE THE LITTLE THINGS INTO GREATER THINGS BRINGING US E EN CLOSER AS I FILL THE MEDICATIONS DESPENSERS HE WANTS TO HELP ME BY DOING THE DISHING FORGETING TO USE SOAP I SAY THANK YOU I REALLY APPECIATE HOW HELPFUL YOU ARE I WASH THEM A SECOND TIME WHILE HE'S SLEEPING EXHAUSTING BUT IT ALLOWS HIM TO TAKE PART IN THE CHORES FINALLY FORGETING HIS GLASSES HIS KEYS MISPLACING THINGS I HAVE TO CARRY HIS THINGS AND MY THINGS IN A LARGE PURSE TO KEEP US ORGANIZED FIR DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS THE DAY BEGAN SHAVING HIS HAIR HE LOVES THIS EARS NOSE EYE BROWS FINDING HIS FAVORITE CAP OR FULL MILITARY ARMOUR INCLUDING MEDALS WE SET OUT EVERYDAY IS OUR FIRST DATE YOU OUR BOND GROWS THROUGH THE LOVE SUPPORT AND CARE AS WHEN I'M DRAINED HE LOVES TO TUCK ME IN FLUFF MY PILLOWS GAZING INTO MY EYES WHISPERING DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU I CAN'T BE WITHOUT YOU I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO I CONFIRM I LOVE YOU MORE IM NEVER GOING ANYWHERE HIS SEPERATION ANXIETY KEEPS HIM CLINGING RIGHT TO MY SIDE CO.PASSION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART IF CAREGIVING TAKING TIME FOR YOUR OWN PEACE WHATEVER TIME A DAY IT MAY BE THE QUIET CALM OF TWO AM REST WHEN YOU CAN IT'S VERY IMPORTANT STAYING HYDRATED TAKE CARE IF YOUR HEALTH THIS WAY YOU COULD CARE FOR YOUR PERSON CAREGIVING IS AN AMZING GIFT THROUGH ALL THE BUMPS AND BRUISES WE MANAGE TO ALWAYS SAY I LOVE YOU HONEY I NEVER WANT TO LOOK BEHIND HIS BLUE EYES
Copyright ©
Yolanda Nicholsen
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