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He Didn’t Panic- Aboard The Titanic
Sirens, alarm bells and unscheduled drills
Intended to teach us emergency skills
On land we might jump up and run for the trees
But where does one run in these vast frigid seas
It has to be said that they’ve done their research
I almost felt scared when I felt the ship lurch
And when people ran, was that fear that I smelt
For God’s sake just say where we’ll find a life belt
Even the barman has gone up on deck
But I need a drink to sling down my neck
It’s the friggin Titanic, not some little yacht
And it cannot sink… in case you forgot
So let them all play games of ‘victims at sea’.
These dumb practice sessions mean little to me
I’d soon find the lifeboats through instinct and stealth
So they can all practice while I serve myself
A generous whiskey, poured by my fair hand
Of course I shall pay… you should understand
But I’m gonna write, gonna kick up a stink
For British White Star Line have just spilt my drink
When I get home, gonna rock me some boats
Gonna stand for election and get me some votes
I paid loadsa money to be on this trip
Yet they make it act like an unstable ship
What kind of practice drill needs an orchestra
Is it to impress a White Star investor
But pumping in water is over the top
It may look authentic but it has to stop
Oh, come on, you’re taking this so very far
I’m freezing my bits off, while gripping the bar
Okay, I get it, some people might drown
If they booked a trip on a ship that went down
I mean no offence if their income was meagre
I get that the lowly can sometimes be eager
To act like they’re worthy to be in our midst
But those lower echelons wouldn’t be missed
Those less educated might well have been fooled
And leapt overboard when “Abandon” was called
But now, with the water up over my head
I wish I’d stayed up in my cabin - in bed
You can’t frighten folk by pretending you’re sinking
I’ll find who’s to blame and what they were thinking
Tomorrow, I’ll sue them for feigning my death
For now though, I’m too busy… holding my breath.
Copyright ©
Terry Flood
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