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I wish I had contest
"The ego within forced me to resist
But now I wish I had effused a love mist
With aplomb and flair, just kind of left it there
For self-aware souls passing by, who choose to pair"
Affinity grasps me, I feel connected
To people and places
But fear stops me, fear of shame
To have misunderstood
What if I share and it falls flat?
This is why I struggle with the polite and nice
I don't know where I am with that
Plus I'd run out of energy
I am after all just a force that lets myself down
Reciprocal loops of energy feeding energy
I buy into that, I want to
Declare to people that I like them
Tell them they are my kind
But I'm too often the baby bird that fell
That can no longer be nurtured
Not because I've forgotten
But because I've remembered too much
And all the not wantedness floods me
Until I feel I should send everyone away
Just in case they feel sorry for me
Pity isn't being wanted
I'm scared of all the things
That appear to be caring but aren't really
If they are not then I become full of shame
Because I don't need help
I just need filling up with genuine affinity
But I'll spoil the best of things
Fear rejection so badly I'd rather drop off the earth
It's like a signal sent out is my life line
But then it's not and I'm fine
Can't recall what went wrong
I've no foundation within me
Unweighted on an unsteady plain
Instead of being weighed down
I should have just took off
Felt the freedom of the sky
But I compare too much
Think others have the key
Their doors aren't my doors
I'll return to the same chair in the same place
Hoping that way I'll find myself
Perhaps I'm somewhere I've never trodden
Or maybe my way to me is barred now
I know what I like I think
It's being understood
Probably nothing different than anyone else
I should ask them
Make sense of it
(One day)
Copyright ©
Di11y Da11y
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