Petals You Never Saw
Look at Me
I don't feel sick,
Yet something inside is twisted
Not in body, but in the sap that shivers within.
Are these petals not what you envisioned?
Look at me.
What did I do wrong?
I sing the songs you taught me,
My voice trembling a whisper against the wind
Does its fragile tune echo your hidden sorrow?
I grew as you grew,
Reaching upward, seeking light,
Only to find emptiness and solitude.
I swayed as you swayed,
But the rhythm felt foreign.
They said life is tough,
Yet there's enough rain in this puddle that never seems to want to dry.
Look at me.
There are flowers beside me now.
I'm sad, but they look up to me,
Wearing petals that resemble yours.
Perhaps the sun touched me more than I realized.
Maybe your love was present
A warmth I never noticed,
Too busy seeking shade that mirrored your shadow,
Waiting for you to bloom beside me,
Blind to your own petals struggling to hold on.
You were a flower too,
Worn thin by relentless winds,
Roots torn by unseen storms.
Maybe you gave all you had,
Even if it didn't feel like love.
Now I stand where you once stood,
In the same garden,
Soil dry in familiar ways,
Loneliness whispering through my leaves.
And I see you
Truly for the first time.
But this realization feels almost wrong.
The child I was still waters his pain,
Still wonders why the sun rose for everyone but him,
Still lies awake under stars you never pointed out.
If I reach toward you now,
Unfold my petals,
Am I denying him?
Pretending he didn't cry in silence,
Or bend under the weight of being unseen?
That's the ache
The conflict
The bloom caught in between.
Now I know what it takes to grow alone,
To carry generations of broken stems,
And still try to blossom for others.
But my pain is real.
It doesn't wither just because I understand.
And I'm scared that if I reach back,
I'll be plucking out the parts of me
That survived without you.
So I stay rooted in this confusion,
A flower still trying to face the sun,
Still holding petals that remember you,
Still wondering
If love that's too late
Still counts.
Look at me.
Copyright ©
Devin Runnels
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