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I've met Scarecrows with more Spine than you!
I'm not addicted, so this will be easy
It's a hard truth to hear so I just tune it out
and I’m arguing with walls
but I end up letting them fall on me
“But it can only be as violent as your imagination,”
She said quietly
Well you're still smiling in the mirror
And that tells me failure has a sense of humor
But put some quality to your consciousness for just a second,
Am I the victim or the detective if I’m asking all the questions?
I'm not addicted, so this will be easy, right?
I'm not here for friends,
I'm here for validation
A doctorate in consuming your radiation; the only way to become immune
But it all backfired when the friendship bracelets untied
and left a trail of charms, crawling to the corners of the room
Another memento collecting dust
Along with the oxygen tanks I have stored
For when you take my breath away
But now they’re all poised and dressed in rust
I'm not addicted, so this should be easy
A single chance to prove to myself that I was right
Screaming in my head that this never should’ve happened
It never should’ve happened!
But I become a shell of a used battery with no current
When I try to fight this
The rulers above me hear fire alarms when I pray for proper punishment
A single complication that could torment my expectations
If my bar was any lower for you, it would be caressing gravity’s cheek at the bottom of the ocean
Like darkness converging towards you at the end of a tunnel
You’re biggest mistake was underestimating me
A sailor who overlooks the water, ends up a skeleton full of stars and coral
I bleed smoke from my ears as the world moves on
And my mouth is a blinking fire alarm
But it’s silent and the blinding light is only casting in my eyes
and praying for proper punishment fuels the constant fire
behind the adrenaline rushes of well-crafted lies
Injustice digs the grave,
But you’re the one who lays with mouth and eyelids stitched, readily encased
She asked me if she had the information, would I want to know?
My skin jumps out of me, and into third person
Screaming at myself that this never should've happened
This never should’ve happened!!
And so it goes
But I looked at her through a watery blur and told her I don’t want to know
“It can only be as violent as my imagination”
I said quietly
The ambivalence of the situation is deafening
And my delusions of how much time is actually passing
Is forcing me further into survival mode
where my emergency flashes must be refracting
Cause I’m the only one seeing this!
And these walls that I keep arguing with
are the same ones I built around my support system
and now they’re both collapsing
Am I the only one seeing this?!
Am I the doctor or the patient if I’m asking all the questions?
Am I the hero or the martyr if I’m saving myself from my own deception?
The leader or the enemy if I take accountability?
Self-awareness isn’t always a treasure
And so it goes
But I looked at her through a wavy blur
And told her I just don’t wanna know
A single detachment to leave my integrity jeopardized
But I’m not addicted, so this should be easy, right?
Will this be easy?
It never is,
But this has to be easy, right?
Copyright ©
Matthew Bailey
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