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Bipolar Stole Her

There are days I don’t want to feel,
There are days I want to destroy all I’ve healed.
There are days that I sail,
Through the skies without fail
On a manic high,
I feel amazing without having to try.
There are days that I’m so angry,
Like a big cry baby
And I want everyone to hate me.
There are highs and lows,
The up and down is harder than you’ll ever know.
There are days I feel like a tornado.
There are days I’m nothing more than a couch potato,
Whose roots are mangled,
And my neurotransmitters are all tangled.
I have a chemical imbalance
And I’m the queen of this palace.
My kingdom is quite nice,
It’s like fire and ice.
The highs are great,
It’s the lows that I hate.
There are days this imbalance feels like purgatory,
Please don’t call me crazy though,
That’s derogatory. 
There are days I want to scream,
On those days I can get pretty mean.
Those days I feel weak,
From the guilt that I keep.
Just because I can’t control it
Doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad for doing it.
I don’t want to blow up,
I want to feel like I’m enough all of the time,
Not just when mania is taking me for a ride.
There are days I never want to comedown,
I wish I knew how.
There are days I’m on auto pilot,
Where I don’t fight it.
There are days I’m deep in a hole,
When I just want to feel whole.
There are so many sides to me,
So many versions of myself I could be,
There’s so much more than you can see.
I am Bipolar Disorder.

Copyright © Nikki Pruitt