Two plus two is four
Two plus two plus two is more
Mathematician
A. History is bunk.
B. Who said?
A. Henry Ford said.
B. Who's that?
A. He's dead.
B. Who was that?
A. He was the founder of a major automobile company.
B. When did he found it?
A. Er, er.....
B. Go on.
A. Actually, I can't quite remember the date.
B. Why not?
A. Well, my history isn't that bright.
B. I thought you said "History..."
A. "is bunk." I did, but.. er
B. So history is bunk, right?
A. Right.
B. Henry Ford and his statement are part of history, right?
A. Right.
B. If history = bunk.
B. And Henry Ford's statement = part of history.
B. Then Henry Ford's statement = bunk.
B. Corollary? History not = bunk. Q.E.D. .
B. Right?
A. Like, two bunks cancel each other out?
B. Right.
Based on BBC news article "Maths zeroes in on perfect cup of coffee"
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-37989169
Two billion cups a day we drink
To stay awake so we can think
Tireless workers - every nation
Need a caffeine drink equation
Lattes, mochas, cappuccinos
Our calculator super heroes
Measured, reasoned, wrote a theorem
Clockwork system - mighty fearsome
Divide the beans and add hot water
Multiplies the bean aroma
Takes away the taste chaotic
Get this right - it's sums and logic
China cups the theory goes
Helps the smell go up you nose
Cardboard mug with plastic roof
Not as good, but where's the proof?
But their reason's most disjoint
Like whole numbers - has no point
You just need a rule of thumb
QED for us dumb-dumbs
(Entry for "wake up with coffee or tea" contest - shortened to meet rules)
Based on BBC news article "Maths zeroes in on perfect cup of coffee"
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-37989169
Two billion cups a day we drink
To stay awake so we can think
Tireless workers - every nation
Need a caffeine drink equation
Lattes, mochas, cappuccinos
Our calculator super heroes
Measured, reasoned, wrote a theorem
Clockwork system - mighty fearsome
No longer need barista instinct
Random variations extinct
Future bistros turn bizarre
Robots running coffee bars
Divide the beans and add hot water
Multiplies the bean aroma
Takes away the taste chaotic
Get this right - it's sums and logic
China cups the theory goes
Helps the smell go up you nose
Cardboard mug with plastic roof
Not as good, but where's the proof?
Coffee can't be served alone
You don't need maths - it's just well known
Donut, muffin you could try
Bagel, biscuit, slice of pi
But their reason's most disjoint
Like whole numbers - has no point
You just need a rule of thumb
QED for us dumb-dumbs
The
journey
of a thousand
miles usually begins
with a broken
fan belt or
a flat
tyre
It’s like this you see
9 0ut of 10 cat owners
like a little kitty (apparently I'm not allowed to use p y - how droll)
4out of 5 dog owners
like a bit of ruff
but only 4 out of 8 horse riders
like to mount a filly
50% of everything is only
half of what’s available
and 100% of most things is
far too much to handle
remember though with just 1 other
you can’t be in the minority
Q.E.D.
How frustrating that single words are censored. Not words like kill, maim, stab,
torture, abuse, death, hate though. Once again, violence triumphs over mild
innuendo
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