Last night I took apart the album I made for you
the one of our family before they left
before the sorrow clung to your every breath.
I separated each memory from their plastic sheath
and piled them in categories known and before me.
Military and quick I added the ones I found
from the folders covered in dust.
Each picture memorized to me
from the years of gazing and longing
for our life that couldn’t be.
I put them in one of my families new set.
To place on the book shelf to show them
the life they chose to forget
As I lay in bed last night they wafted through my eyes
like wraiths to drain my mind.
The tears never came, years have brought a drought
that leaves my husk parched as the shells
we found and used in the first album.
I lay beside my husband waiting for slumber
to erase the days I could not live
and the nights I dreamed about them.
I waited for the dust to creep and settle
this grieving part of me to sleep
This morning the day is new and responsibility awaits.
Anxiety shadows my chest
Like the wraith of the past I try to forget.
Disco dreams and disco balls
Big city,bright lights
Pub crawls and bar fights.
Mini frocks and hair dyes
Made up faces
Mascara filled eyes.
Vodka martinis and champagne
Bus trips and black cabs
Standing in the rain.
Nightclubs and deejays
Entry stamps on wrists
And tattooed fists.
Late nights and hangovers
Fast cars and kebabs
White wine spritzers
And mishaps.
One night stands and live bands
Autographs and queues
Sing-a-longs and sad songs
And over packed loos.
One line gags and handbags
Glitter and sparkling eyes
Cigarettes and suffragettes
Gossip and lies.
Brawls,another one falls
Drunks and punks
Frilly skirts and love hurts
And late rides.
Secret kisses and front row seats
Cinema aisles
Red lipped smiles
Beauties and beasts.
Flashy cars and night time stars
Takeaways and glad rags
Silly jokes and whiskey cokes
Dreams and high hopes.
Nights out and walkabouts
Cheap thrills and teenage wonder
Hitch hikes and motorbikes
Delinquent lightning and thunder.
Every morning I wake up,
worse off then the night before.
Every afternoon I deal with the pain of life,
with no guidance from those closest to me.
Every evening the tears fall,
with nothing but my pillow to catch them.
Every night I think of him,
when I know there is no use hoping.
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