Long Zinger Poems
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Epigrams II
Sex Hex
by Michael R. Burch
Love's full of cute paradoxes
(and highly acute poxes).
***
Midnight Stairclimber
by Michael R. Burch
Procreation
is at first great sweaty recreation,
then—long, long after the sex dies—
the source of endless exercise.
***
The One True Poem
by Michael R. Burch
Love was not meaningless ...
nor your embrace, nor your kiss.
And though every god proved a phantom,
still you were divine to your last dying atom ...
So that when you are gone
and, yea, not a word remains of this poem,
even so,
We were One.
***
The Poem of Poems
by Michael R. Burch
for Beth
This is my Poem of Poems, for you.
Every word ineluctably true:
I love you.
***
Here and Hereafter
by Michael R. Burch
Life’s saving graces are love, pleasure, laughter ...
wisdom, it seems, is for the Hereafter.
***
Meal Deal
by Michael R. Burch
Love is a splendid ideal
(at least till it costs us a meal).
***
Vice Grip
There’s no need to rant about Al-Qaeda and ISIS.
The cruelty of “civilization” suffices:
our ordinary vices.
***
Piecemeal
by Michael R. Burch
And so it begins—the ending.
The narrowing veins, the soft tissues rending.
Your final solution is pending.
***
The Whole of Wit
by Michael R. Burch
for Richard Moore
If brevity is the soul of wit
then brevity and levity
are the whole of it.
***
Redefinitions
Faith: falling into the same old claptrap.—Michael R. Burch
Religion: the ties that blind.—Michael R. Burch
Baseball: lots of spittin’ mixed with some hittin’.—Michael R. Burch
Trickle down economics: an especially pungent golden shower.—Michael R. Burch
Poetry: the art of finding the right word at the right time.—Michael R. Burch
When I was a but little tiny girl,
my Mama bought me a fine ring to twirl.
One gold ring for my small finger
reminding me of man’s up coming zinger!
My Ring-A-Ling, My Ring- A- Ling, WAIT for ONE man, that’s the thing!
My Ring-A-Ling, My Ring- A- Ling, WAIT for ONE man, that’s the thing!
Then as a prim girl in Catholic school,
I always remembered that “waiting” rule,
and every time that ring I would turn
a naughty boys kisses I would just spurn!
Once while hiding and they playing go seek
up a tree I went and the boys did PEEK!
I beaned them with apples and that ain’t all,
they cried for their Mama’s, what caterwaul!
Now, the moral of this song, well, hear's the thing,
don’t kiss those boys 'TILL YOU'RE WEARING A RING!
And, if you can’t remember you can JUST SING!
I’m waitin' for ONE MAN to give me that thing!;)
My Ring-A-Ling, My Ring- A- Ling, WAIT for ONE man, that’s the thing!
My Ring-A-Ling, My Ring- A- Ling, WAIT for ONE man, that’s the thing!
* Special thanks to CHUCK BERRY!
12/20/21
Ten hut!
Can't let up
Even though, it can get messed up
Really F'd up
Do not get fed up
Keep your head up
Stay sharp, don't get set up
Careful where a disagreement ends up
Heads up!
Many fast to wet up
From the legs up
To the neck up
Bleeding out a color similar to Ketchup
The proof was there or quickly got swept up
Prices continually went up
Falling behind, because you never kept up
Get your bread up
Often in life you'll have to step up
Sped up
Engines revved up
Couldn't let it go, so they dredge up
Old news they spoke and penned up
But I did my homework and read up
So you're about to get shred up
You'll never surface, even after a check up
Kept mine, others went against their own word
Too late to sojourn
At the point of no return
Due to a slow burn
Often went through the wringer
You'd think I've been on Jerry Springer
She wants the whole world and a gem on her finger
Meanwhile around the corner death always lingers
Hit them with another zinger
Hook, line and sinker
As I continue to tinker
Ya'll can be some stinkers
I always put on a blinker
Soon to give up being a daily drinker
Becoming a complex thinker
Avoiding any gold diggers
Feeling vigor
It's time I'm onto something bigger
Don't need to reconsider
Even though many are quick to pull the trigger
People continuing to bicker
Remaining bitter
Known as a fibber
Caught up on twitter
It's been pleasant or gotten sicker
Going well or down the s***ter
Staying clean or full of litter
A whole nation hooked
Easily getting cooked
And forsook
They never caught on or looked
Strength, dedication and heart is what it took
Couldn't find it all from a book
Had to put each foot
Through miles of soot
By the end they were shook
Or tried to portray me as a crook
Not a big fan of dungarees
Getting tired of all this gluttony
Too much redundancy
And puppetry
Still living sucker-free
Yet another attempted to humble me
So I got the upper hand suddenly
Their soul the devil took custody
I continued on triumphantly
Cautious of who's around as company
She's just a tease
And he's such a sleaze
Try to touch my cheese
Then the trigger of a gun I squeeze
Doesn't matter if you run or freeze
Dictionary describes the word “dactylion”
As the tip of your middle finger
So if someone gives you the dactylion
They're giving you a zinger!
Have you ever been subjected to “gargalesis”
It's described as heavy tickling
Love being gargalesis in certain areas
Might even involve some licking
Do you know a word that accurately describes
Incessant or idiotic laughter
The dictionary describes it as “abderian”
Shaking the room to the rafters
When someone's eyes start to “oculoplania”
They're assessing someone's charms
I've always called it just plain old ogling
Not meant to cause any harm
The dictionary describes “slubberdegullion”
As a filthy slobbering individual
Known a few of these guys in my time
They leave a quite nasty residual
A person who hates smelling tobacco smoke
Is called a “misocapnist”
That's me for sure I'm surely a misocapnist
Probably number one on the list
And now to end with something distasteful
It's the word “krukolibidinous”
It's the act of staring at someone's crotch
What say you, had enough?
© Jack Ellison 2013
A mystical cross on the inside of your palm
Means your life is foretold in a glorious psalm.
Lucky bracelet rings around your dainty wrist
Means you were created in energy’s mist.
If you palm looks like she’s been sliced in half
Right down the middle, get the fatted calf.
The lifeline which sails widely around your thumb
Cuts in quite deeply, means you are not too dumb.
The heartline across the top chooses her finger.
If she stops at the pointer, marriage will be a zinger.
Headline in the middle between heart and life
Each nick across indicates a tiny bit of strife.
Stars and whorls, crosses, and well-cut lines.
Palm knowledge is as cherished as Pharaoh’s gold mines.
3/28/21
Sanitized a lot of messes with Lysol
Saw it all through my eyeballs
By being logical during daytime or nightfall
Did no good to dawdle
Helped to be thoughtful
Experienced the pleasant and the awful
Didn't always benefit one side or the other during debacles
It happened so much, I could write novels
So many squabbles
One was victorious, the other one wobbled
Head held high, or hobbled
Occasionally left me boggled
I didn't just watch through my goggles
Odors and fragrances picked up through my nostrils
Among living species and fossils
Some people docile and others hostile
Doing the bare minimum or going full throttle
Kicked the habit, or really hitting the bottle
Some people are humble and others think they're a model
The impact it had was minor or colossal
Putting others down because it makes them feel bigger
Obsessed with image and the figures
People so quick to point a finger
And to pull the trigger
Danger always lingers
Life filled with drama, like Jerry Springer
Been through the wringer
Another dinger
And zinger
Hook line and sinker
Still a hardcore drinker
And deep thinker
Among gentle animals or aggressive lifeforms with or without stingers
I continue to tinker
Covering a lot of ground, like a sprinkler
Still drinking beers
Here's a cheers
To my peers
Heard so many truths, rumors and lies through my ears
Over the years
Occasionally changing gears
Expressing happy or sad tears
While wielding shields, swords or spears
Getting rid of any fears
And finding a way to persevere
Once the smoke finally clears
The world was in a happy or sad state
People that do or don't have faith
Life going fast pace
Caught in the rat race
Pushing for first, not last place
For a long time, I've been in bad shape
And half-baked
Now that we got that straight
Regarding the cuisine of the world, I've barely had a taste
Here I am, waiting around for a topic
How about 'Philanthropic?'
And I've got to have an attitude
Well, there's always good ole 'Gratitude'
O.K. -- Let's see: 'Philanthropic.' Hmm...
If the more you give, the better you feel
Then why not just give away the whole blinkin' deal?
I guess that won't work
'Coz then you'll need someone philanthropic
Who may have just moved away to the tropics
So, there are limits to Philanthropy
Though surely there are none to 'Gratitude'
At least, none that occur to this poet dude
Thank you, Merci, Cpacibo, un a Dank
There are even more in my language tank
Mutsamesk, Gracias, Obrigado, Asante and Tack...
To wrap up this off-beatnik verisimilitude
Don't be over-philanthropic; you'll end up screwed
Now there's a zinger of a fine attitude!
Hello, January, what a zinger
of a storm you brought with you this year, Friend!
Why can’t you just let December linger?
You know I hate vacation time to end!
I know you think you’re such a special guy,
with people counting down the seconds till
you have arrived and shooting up the sky
with fireworks, but from there, it’s all downhill!!
All those people making resolutions!
You’ve wiped the slate? All things will be like new?
To me, it seems you offer mere illusions,
and yet I keep believing in you too!
I’m begging you, don’t let this year go wrong,
and please get ALL the months to play along!!
Amid the mighty waves of peculiar sea
I stood still waiting for you to see me
You took hold of the little girl's shivering hand
And made her dance among the waves away from the shore sand
I remained silent, building a sand castle,
Collecting shells and was finally worn to a frazzle.
I noticed your footsteps and felt your breath
With divine love, I walked to you with a pearl wreath.
You caught hold of my hand and played with my finger
At once, the mighty wave greeted my heart with new zinger
It's the joy
Eye-kissing joy
Heart sweetening joy
You are here beside me
Very near, yet so far.
Title: "Alone (The Diss)"
Yo, you’re just a ghost in this love song, no cost—
Starving for attention like a broke man at a loss,
You’re texting like a siren, but your signals are lost—
I’m the storm, you’re the flicker, you’ll never hold me, kid.
Your “slow night” is a joke, I’m out here resettin’,
Sippin’ on success while you’re still overspending—
You’re a whisper behind a door, I’m the kick-in’ it—
“Get to know you”? Nah, I’d rather just quit it.
(Hook: Pop Swagger)
How do you get me alone?
You’re the ghost, I’m the throne—
Pop the tag, but I own this zone,
You’re the night, I’m the dawn…
You’re a landline, dead line, stuck in the past—
I’m the Wi-Fi, the future, you’re just a crash.
Your love’s a bad mixtape, I’m the platinum press—
Now beg for a feature? Girl, that’s a waste.
(Hook: Pop Swagger)
How do you get me alone?
You’re the ghost, I’m the throne—
Pop the tag, but I own this zone,
You’re the night, I’m the dawn…
[Outro Zinger]
Now check your texts—still no ring, no reply—
Guess you’ll rot in your “alone,” kid. I’m gone.
Style Notes: Combines Mac Miller’s smooth wit with battle rap ferocity, using tech metaphors and flipped hooks for that "All Year" pop swagger. The diss pivots from pity to power, turning vulnerability into a punchline.